英语剧表演

英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》 Wanders every five miles 焦仲卿Johnny(J for short)刘兰芝Lunch(L for short) 焦母Johnny's mother(JM for short)刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short) 太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short)强盗Burglars(ABandC) (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪) J:Every body says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is Wu Song. (指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you! (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom? My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J) My God!Who can help me?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状) JM(拄拐棍上):I can! (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum? JM:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”. L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up? JM:Since you married my son you have be haved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so lazy…… L:But…… JM:Never interrupt me! L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and…… JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson! L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下) Act2 (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上) L:Mum,I’m back! LM:You are back?Why?What happened? L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law. LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself…… L:But,mum…… LM:Never interrupt me! L:Mum,I’m no tinterrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK?And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to. LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Haven’t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下) L(惊愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done!(下) Act3(J睡眼惺忪上) J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself. JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet? J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone! JM(沉吟片刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,as on without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice girl,go and take her back! J(立正敬礼):Yes madam! Act4 (J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗) A:Hey you!Stop and listen to us! The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上) B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上) C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚) AB&C:Give us all your money! J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1 mao enough? (三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) A:What bad luck!This guy is broken! B:If we cannot rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight! C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next month.WE can go and rob the wedding! A&B:Good idea! J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible! AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple! J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet! (突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go with you.You take the money and I take the bride. B:Have you got any experience? J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) Act5 (转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中) ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us! A:The road is built by me! B:And I planted one tree. C:If you want to go by this street--- J:Give us all your money! (L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头) L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后) (MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒) J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去） (J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS) (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,how are you? L(哭状):I hurt a lot! J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下) (音乐起 Can You Celebrate)

英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money Scene1（At Salesman’s home） N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming! S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money…… Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表) First, put the flour on the table. Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做) Now press, press…… Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情) Press, press…… Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it! Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe…… Now let me cut it into pieces! 另一个 白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本 旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on. 白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.) 皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all? 魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you. 皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.

小红帽英文版剧本Little Red Riding Hood开场话：先自我介绍自己当什么 第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家 Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里） Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing? Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma. Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok! Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful. Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy. Mum： Bye-bye. Darling. 第二场：在路上 (一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁) Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers. Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼) Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill. Wolf：（自言自语）I’ ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks. Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞) Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后） Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks，how are you? Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going? Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye. Six Ducks：Goodbye． 第三场：Grandma家 Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。） Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang． Grandma： Who is it？ Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood. Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in. Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you. Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上） 灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。 Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep. Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma． Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？ Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise! Wolf：Come in， Come in. Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears! Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice. Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes! Wolf：I can see you pretty face. Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand. Wolf：I can hug you. Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands? Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you! Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No! Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping. Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping. Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声) Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut. Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you． Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones． Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线) Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three. Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里) Grandma： I’ll thread it. Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up! Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy. Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms! Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me! Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang! Wolf： (应声倒下) Hunter： The bad wolf is dead． Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you． 最后在的话 Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thall Thank you! 谢谢大家

The jungle 剧中角色： rabbit, bird, elephant, bear, deer, mouse, dog, monkey, tiger 清晨，大森林沐浴在和煦的阳光里，小鸟在欢快的歌唱。三个好朋友——小兔子、小老鼠、小象边唱边向这边走来…… [Rabbit] A rabbit, a rabbit, Am I big or small? I’m small, small, small. Hello, bird. [Bird] Hello, rabbit. [Rabbit] What are you doing? [Bird] I’m playing. Let’s play together. [Rabbit] OK. An elephant, an elephant. Am I big or small? I’m big, big, big. Good morning, brown bear and little deer. [Bear and deer] Good morning, elephant. Let’s play together. [Elephant] OK. [Mouse] A mouse, a mouse. Am I big or small? I’m small, small, small. [Mouse] Good morning, Mr. Dog. [Dog] Good morning, little mouse. [Mouse] What are you doing, Mr. Dog? [Dog] I’m playing with my friends. [Mouse] Do you have any friends? [Dog] Yes, of course. Hello, my friends. Come here. Come here. Look, they are all my friends. [Bird] Hello, I’m a bird. I can sing songs. I have beautiful wings. I can fly in the sky. [Monkey] Hi, I’m a monkey. I’m very clever. I can climb trees. [Bear] Hello, I’m a brown bear. I’m stronger than you. I can climb trees, too. [Monkey] But you’re slow. I’m very, very fast. [Deer] Hello, I’m a deer. I can run. And I’m very fast. What can you do, little rabbit? [Rabbit] I’m wise and cute, and I can jump. [Elephant] Hello, I’m an elephant. I’m the strongest animal in the jungle. And I can dance. [Monkey] You dance poorly. I can dance very well. (The other animals laugh) [Mouse] But you are heavy. You can carry a lot of things. Nice to see you all. How do you do? [All] Nice to see you too. How do you do? [Mouse] Let’s be friends. [All] Yes, let’s be good friends. [Dog] Let’s play together. [All] OK. Come on! [Bear] Look at the beautiful flowers. [Mouse] Look out! There’s a trap. (Suddenly, all the animals hear “Help! Help!”) [Bear] Quiet! Quiet! What’s that sound? What happened? My friends, my friends come here quick. [Rabbit] Who are you? [Tiger] I’m a tiger - your friend. I fell into a trap and I can’t climb out. I beg you, help me, please. [Mouse] I’m so sorry to hear that. Let’s help the poor tiger. [Elephant] You can’t. He’s a tiger. He’s going to eat you! [Tiger] No, no. I’m your friend. I’m very kind. I won’t eat you, I promise. [Mouse] Oh, but he needs our help. [Rabbit] He needs help. I’ll help him. Let’s help him together. [Elephant] OK. Don’t worry. Let’s make a rope and pull him out. (action) [All] Yes, yes. Let’s pull the tiger out. [Elephant] Are you ready? [All] Yes. One, two, three. [Tiger] Thank you, my friends. [All] Not at all. [Tiger] But, I was very hot in there. Now, I would like to drink some water. Would you please get me some water? [Monkey] I’m very clever and fast. Let me get you some water. [Tiger] Thank you, my good friend. [Deer] Big tiger, please, sit down. Have a rest. [Tiger] OK. I’m very tired. [Monkey] Big tiger, I’m back. Here is your water. [Tiger] Thanks a lot. (Tiger drinks water.) Now I’m not thirsty anymore. [Bird] Let’s go on playing. [All] Good. Let’s go on playing. [All] Good. Let’s go on playing. [Rabbit] Big tiger, let’s play together. [Tiger] OK. Little rabbit. Now, I’m … I’m – [Rabbit] What is it? [Tiger] Well, I’m very hungry now. I want to eat something. I think you look delicious. I want to eat you. (action) [Rabbit] Help! Help! Help me! [Birds] (cry) My friend, rabbit. [Mouse] Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Oh no! [Bear and dog] We will remember this. You are a very bad tiger! You’ll be sorry! [All] You are a very mean tiger! You’ll pay! [Tiger] I’m not thirsty or hungry anymore. I’m very, very happy. (laughs and laughs. He falls back into the trap.) Help me! My friends, help me! Help me! [All] Sorry. Goodbye! Sorry. Goodbye! Sorry. Goodbye! (The animals look at one another. No one wants to help the tiger anymore.)

新白蛇传旁白:ItwasabeautifulnightwhenXuXianandBaiSuzhencameoutoftheQiantangRiverCinemaafterfinishingamovie.Themoonlightwassosoft,anditseemedtosuggestthatsomethingunusualwasabouttohappen.(在一个月朗星稀的夜晚，许仙和白素贞看完电影从钱塘江电影院走出来，二人亲密无比。)《千年等一回》前奏响起。白素贞:Honey,whatdoyouthinkofthemovieTitanicwesawjustnow?Isitromantic?(语气娇柔，动作妩媚的抚摸着高耸的肚子)许仙:Sweet,whereverwego,whateverwedo,Iwillfeeleverythingromantic,aslongasyouloveme.(满脸满足的微笑，伸手抚摸白素贞的脸)白素贞:Darling….(学泰坦尼克里的rose姿势)许仙:Love…(无比深情，搂着白素贞的腰;模仿泰坦尼克)白素贞:Musician!Changethesong!!旁白:Stopyoutwo!AsIcanimagine,nooneoftheaudiencewantstoknowwhatyouwilldonext!Meanwhile,bothofyouaresoignorantofyourignorance,‘causethedangerisonlyabreathaway.See!Whoishim!(法海跳到两人面前，音乐声落下。)法海:Stopthere!(用手指着白素贞，语气凶狠，满脸怨恨)Sodisgusting!Ican’tstanditanymore!BaiSuzhe,whyareyousocool-bloodytome!YouknowIloveyou,youknowtheoneIloveallacrosstheworldareyou.Butwhyyoudidn’tchooseme?Tellmewhy,whyyoudidn’tgivemeyourhand?Tellmewhy,istheresomethingIhavemissed?许仙:(语气不屑)Baby,whoisthisoldguy?Besides,whatishetalkingabout?白素贞:(一脸不屑的看看法海，转过头微笑的看着许仙)，Ohdear,thereisnoneedforustocarehim.Heisjustamadmanwhoalwayssendsshortmessagesatnighttometotellmehowlonelyheisandhowmuchhelovesme.ButIneverfalllovewithhim,honey,onlyyou,onlyyou,onlyyouareabletokeepmycompanytotheendofmylife.法海:(手指气到颤抖的指着白素贞)BaiSuzhen，why?Tellmewhy,doesishavetobethis?白素贞:(语气骄傲)OK!Nowletmetellyouthereasons!LookatXuXian,heishandsomecharmingcleverandsmart.Meanwhileheissorichthathehasmanyhousesandcars.Asallgirlssitheretodayknow,thesearethebasicsofthemarriagesinthe21century.(用手抚摸着肚子)What’smore,look,here,understand?许仙:(语气骄傲)Guy,youaresopoor.Lookatyourself,inrags,howcanyouguaranteeherhappiness?Youarejustgood-of-nothing!Getaway!Andkeepdistancefrommywifeforever!法海:(语气凶狠)BaiSuzhen,youaresocruel!Well,well,Iamstillheretokillyou,you,monster!许仙:(冲上前，把白素贞挡在自己身后)Honey,don’tbefrightened!(拍拍胸脯)Iwillprotectyoufromthecrazy!Trustme!IamgoodatChineseKungfu!法海:BaiSuzhen,Iwillkillyou!Killyou!(从怀里拿出金帛，全场顿时金光闪)许仙:aaaa(吓到躲到白素贞身后)法海:Infact,youaregood-of-nothing!白素贞:(一脸镇定)Dear,neverbescared!Icanmanageit.许仙:(惊恐)Buthehasaweapon,whileyoudon’t.Youforgettobringyoursword,youarealwaysthatcareless!Itoldyounottothrownearby!旁白:Oh,thefightingstarted!Itwasreallyaheatedfight,thunder,lighting,storm,andsoon.Ofcoursewedon’thavetheopportunitytoseethelive.Nevertheless,itdoesn’tmatter,‘causethehighpointiscoming…白素贞(将肚子里的书包扔出来，狂哭):Oh,mygod!Mysonisgone!Heisgone!法海:BaiSuzhen,itisyourrevenge,youknow,itisnotmyfault…白素贞:Fahai!Heisjustanewlife,howcanyoukillhim!Howcan!法海:Itdoesn’tmatterifyoulovemeornot,loveisrightthere,nottochange.Itdoesn’tmatteryouarewithmeornot,myhandisinyours.Letmeembraceyou,orletmeinyourheart.许仙:Nodoor!Whatthehelldoyouwanttodo!法海:You’dbetternotspeak,otherwise,Iwillkillyoufirst!许仙:Iwon’tshutupuntilyouswearthatyouwillletmego…Otherwise,Iwillgivesomecolorseesee!白素贞:Honey,aren’tyougoodatChineseKungfu?Comeon,andbeathim!许仙:ButIdon’tthinkIcanwin.IamonlyeatingChinesetofu…法海:hah,hah.BaiSuzhen,youhavenowayout!白素贞:Fahai,letushaveabreakfirst.It’sunfairforustofightwhenyouhaveweaponswhileIdon’t.Therefore,whataboutmagicpowerPK?法海:MagicpowerPK?OK!许仙:Honey,comeon!Ibelieveyouarethebest!白素贞开始魔术表演。Fahai,canyouguesswhatthesuitofthecardis?Ifyoumakeit,Iacknowledgethedefeat.Ifnot,yougetoutofhereassoonaspossible!法海:well…huh…..I…I…don’tknow.ButIdon’tthinkyouknowthat!白素贞:It’s…法海:Howcan!Howcanyoumanageit!Idon’tbelieve!Youmustbecheating!白素贞:No,Ineverdothat法海:Or,youmusttellmethesecret!白素贞:No,Ican’t!Otherwise,Iwilllosethecapacitytoprotectmyselfandmyhusband.法海:Then,youwillregretwhatyouhavedonetodaywhenyouareinthehell!旁白:ItwasattheexactlymomentthatFahaidefeatedBaiSuzhenwithhisweapons.Themoonwasgone,thenightbecamethatdark,andIcanevenheardthewindcrying….白素贞:(悲伤)Dear,Idon’twannaleaveyoualone!许仙:(悲伤)Dear,no!Don’tgo,Ineedyou!(白素贞退场，许仙倒地。)许仙:(用手指着法海，悲伤到颤抖)Fahai,whereismywife?Whereisshe!Whatwillyoudotoher!Sheissoweakthateventhewindcansweepheraway…法海:(站在许仙面前，骄傲大笑)哈哈哈，许仙，Iwillcookthissnakeandthatismyrevenge!哈哈哈哈!许仙:No!No!旁白:Asyoucansee,XuXianisheart-broken.Butlook,whathewilldonext…法海大笑着退场，许仙悲伤中缓缓起身，《二泉映月》响起。许仙悲伤地，缓缓地从怀里掏出手机。许仙:Hello,isitthesecretaryofme?Haveyoutheassuranceformywife?No?Oh,no!许仙挂了电话，动作缓慢地把手机放进口袋。《北风吹雪花飘》许仙:Oh,mymoney!Money!Whydoyoudisappearevenmorequickthanmywife?《北风吹雪花飘》落下，《千年等一回》再次响起，小青撑伞上。许仙眼睛直勾勾看着小青许仙:umbrellaunfurls,aloneandlost,downtherainylane,longingforalilaclikeher…Mz，mayIknowyourname?小青:Mynameis…XiaoQing…许仙追出去。法海(上):Itdoesn’tmatterwhetheryouseemeornot,Iamstandingherewithnoemotions.Itdoesn’tmatterwhetheryoumissmeornot,thefeelingisrightthere,notgone.