kimiko范范
笑话是民族文化及社会生活中不可缺少的一环,从古至今都拥有广大的受众,深受人们喜爱。我整理了英语搞笑小短文带翻译，欢迎阅读!
Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening.
有两名社会工作者在晚上的时候走过市区的简陋地方。
They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane.Upon investigation,
他们听到从后巷传来的求救呻吟声和很小的哭喊声。经调查，
they found a semiconscious man in a pool of blood.
他们发现有一个意识不清的人躺在血泊之中。
"Help me,I've been mugged and viciously beaten ." he pleaded.
他在恳求说：“救救我吧，我被人行凶抢劫，还遭到恶意痛打一顿。”
The two social workers turned and walked away .
这两名社会工作者转身离去。
One remarked to her colleague: " You know the person that did this really needs help."
其中一位向她的同事说：“你知道吧，做这件事的人才是真正需要协助呀。”
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER.
有一名男子患有心脏病，被送往医院急诊室。
The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away.
医生告诉他，除非他立刻接受心脏移植，否则他就活不成。
Another doctor runs into the room and says,
另外一名，医生跑进急诊室说：
"you are in luck,two hearts just became avaible ,so you will get to choose which one you want.One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."
“你真幸运，刚好有两个心脏可移植，所以你要选择你要哪一个心脏。一个是属于律师，另一个是属于社会工作者。”
The man quickly responds,"the attorney's ."
这名男子很快响应说：“律师的。”
The doctor says,"Wait!Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
医生说：“等等!你不想在你做决定之前了解一下他们吗?”
The man says,"I already know enough.We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his .So I will take attorney's!"
这名男子说：“我已经知道够了。大家都知道社会工作者都是流血的(有同情心的)心脏，而律师的心脏可能从来都不曾用过他的。所以我选择律师的心脏。"
Helen was on her deathbed ,
海伦躺在她临终的病床上奄奄一息。
with her husband Jack at her side.
她的丈夫陪在她的身旁。
He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.
他握着她冰冷的手，泪水静静地从他的脸上流下来。
Her pale lip moved. "Jack," she said,"
她苍白的嘴唇颤动着。她说：“杰克，”
Hush," he quickly interrupted, "Don't talk."
他很快就打断说：“嘘，不要说话。”
But she insisted,"Jack,"she said in her tired voice.
但是她坚持要说，她以疲惫的声音说：
"I have to talk.I must confess.”
“杰克，我一定要说。我必须向你坦白。”
"There is nothing to confess,"said the weeping Jack.
满脸泪水的杰克说：“没什么好坦白的。
"It's all right.Everything's all right."
没关系。一切都没事。”
"No,No!I must die in peace.I must confess,Jake ,that I have been unfaithful to you."
“不，不，我必须死得安心。我一定要坦白我对你不忠;红杏出墙。”
Jack stroked her hand .
杰克抚摸着她的手。
"Now ,Helen,don't be concerned.I know all about it," he sobbed.
他啜泣着说：“海伦 ，现在你不要担心了。我全部都知道了。
"Why else would I poison you ?"
不然我为什么要毒死你呀?"
卓木木收藏
随着社会经济的发展和全球化的深入,学习者对于英语学习的要求也发生了变化。英语越来越成为人们使用的一种工具。我精心收集了关于幽默的英语短文，供大家欣赏学习! 关于幽默的英语短文：我家的聪明狗会买报纸 A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a demonstration***演示*** and handed the dog some money - The dog trotted***小跑*** off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper. “How much did you give him?” asked the owner. “Five dollars.” “Well, that explains it. When you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie.” 聪明狗 一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来做个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。 “你给了它多少钱?”狗的主人问。 “五元。” “这就是了。你给它五元钱时，它就去看电影。” 关于幽默的英语短文：I know who god is! A boy says to her mother, Mom, is God a man or woman? The mom thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman. The son is confused, so he asks, Is God black or white? The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey. The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mommy? The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay and straight. The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson? 儿子：妈妈，上帝是白人还是黑人? 妈妈：宝贝，上帝是白人也是黑人! 儿子：那上帝是男人还是女人? 妈妈：宝贝，上帝是男人也是女人! 儿子：哦。我知道了，上帝是迈克尔·杰克逊! 关于幽默的英语短文：A Soldier's Brilliant Idea Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it. When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in. Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers ing in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the pany of the girl during the whole trip. 由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。 然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。 又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。 关于幽默的英语短文：Expensive Advice 昂贵的建议 The doctor finally reached his table at a dinner, after breaking away from a woman who sought advice on a health problem. "Do you think I should send her a bill?" the doctor asked a lawyer who sat next to him. "Why not?" the lawyer replied. "You rendered professional services by giving advice." "Thanks," the physician said. "I think I'll do that." When the doctor went to his office the next day to send the bill to the woman, he found a letter from the lawyer. It read: "For legal services, $50." 昂贵的建议 大夫在打发走了一个就健康问题向他咨询的妇女之后，最后来到餐桌上。 “你认为我应该向她收费吗?”大夫问坐在身边的一个律师。 “有什么不应该?”律师答道，“你通过提建议提供了职业 *** 。” “谢谢，”大夫说道，“看来我得这么做。” 第二天当大夫去办公室给那位妇女写账单时，他收到律师的一封信。信中写道： “请付法律服务费50美元。”
