英文笑话一句话

一句话英文笑话精选

我还以为那是我的手

Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine. 教授：天哪!有人偷了我的钱包! 妻子：你难道没感觉到一只手伸进你的口袋? 教授：感觉到了，可我还以为那是我的手呢?

他死了

If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die. She refused him. Sixty years later, he died. 如果你不答应嫁给我，他发誓，我就要去死。六十年后，他死了。

帮我爸爸做我的家庭作业

Jimmy: Hey, Amy, aren't you coming out to play? Amy: No, I have to stay in and help my father with my homework. 基米：嘿，艾米，你不出来玩吗?艾米：不了，我必须留在家里，帮我爸爸做我的家庭作业。

我不敢想象

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from." 客人：“为什么你的狗狗坐在那儿老是看着我吃东西呢?”旅馆主人：“我不敢想象，除非是因为你拿了它经常用来吃东西的.盘子了。”

我不能说是哪一年

Palmist: The life line in your hand tells that you will die in a year. Customer: Good gracious! In a year? Palmist: Yes, but I can't say in which.手相大师：你手上的生命线显示出你还有一年将会死去。顾客：天哪，一年后?手相大师：是的，可是我不能说是哪一年。

给我那个打赢的

Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then.服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。哦，那给我那个打赢的吧。

A:what is your name? 你叫啥名？B:Hu胡（谐音:谁）A:you~你B:Hu~胡A:Who?谁？B:yes, I am~是，我就是A:I want to know your name我只是想知道你的名字B:Hu胡啊A:You!你！B:Yes, my name是啊，我的名字啊A:So tell me about it那就告诉我啊B:Hu!胡！A:You! What is your name!? 你！你叫啥名？！B:Hu is my name!我就叫胡A:O~哦三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了 能让我们的老师回去吗？ 有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

简短英文笑话（精选8篇）

笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。下面为大家带来简短英文笑话，快来看看吧。

In a sales company, the boss said to one of his employees,

"The main thing to remember is repetition, repetition, repetition! That's the key! If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every way possible. Repeat it; cram it down people's throats. Even make yourself sickening and repulsive if you have to, but don't everforget to repeat, repeat, repeat. It's the only way to get results and sell our products!"

So, the employee said, "Yes, sir!"

Then the boss said, "Now, what was it you came to see me about?"

And the employee replied, "Well, sir, it's about a raise, a raise, a raise!"

a man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"you will get your chance in court." said the desk sergeant.

"no, no, no." said the man. "i want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. i've been trying to do that for years."

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."

Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ...

有一个神经病，不知道从哪里弄来了一把枪，他走在一条小黑胡同里。突然遇上一个年轻人，神经病二话不说将其按在地上用枪指着他的头。问道，一加一得几。年轻人吓坏了，沉思了很久。回答，等于二。神经病毫不犹豫的打死了他。然后把抢拽在怀里，冰冷的说了一句，你知道的太多了…

Give up your seat to a lady

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

给女士让座

小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”

妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”

“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”

Driving through the hill country of Texas，just north of San Antonio，we watched the sky turn a brilliant orange at sunset. At my wife's pleading，we stopped and walked up a hill，which turned out to be the top of a cliff. Before us lay the picturesque postcard setting we had been looking for

during all our vacation. Below was a large green valley circled by hills. Exhilarated by the tangerine sky, long shadows，and a slight breeze carrying the scent of green grass，my wife suddenly shouted:“Thank you，Mother Nature，for so much beautyl”

开车经过德克萨斯州的山丘地带，也就是圣·安扎尼奥的正北。在黄昏时，我们看到天空中出现了一道道金色的光芒。在老婆哟请求下，我们停了车，来到了小山坡土。这里正好是悬崖的顶端，在我们面前展现出了一种名信片上的景色。这正是我们整个假期都在寻找的地方。山坡下是一片群山环抱的绿色山谷，橙色的天空，一片片绿草地。一阵微风吹过来，送来了一阵草的芳香。我老婆突然喊到:“谢谢你，大自然的`毋亲，感谢你给我们这么美丽的风景。”

Then, a distant voice was heard from across the valley:"No charge!”

接着，从远处山谷的那一边传来了一声，“不要付钱了。”

Although my mother，a native of Japan, has lived for 55 years in the United States，she has not adapted complete1y to the cultural change. This is especiallly obvious during her infrequent forays into a large city.

我母亲是日本人，她已在美国生活了55年了，但是，她仍没完全适应这异国的文化。当她偶尔去一次大城市，这种不适应就显得更明显了。

One day she boarded a bus in Los Angeles，deposited a $5 bill in the coin box and held out her hand for change.Because the coin box is not built to accept paper money，the bus driver growled:“Okay，lady. If you get that bill out,you can ride for free. Otherwise we're going to have to dis-mantle this coin box."

一天，她在洛杉矶上了一辆会共汽车。她取出5元的纸币把它塞进了收币机，然后，她仲出手等着找钱.由于收币机不能接收纸币，所以司机大声地吼道:“好了，太大，如果

你能把那纸币取出来，你今天乘车就免费。否则，我们只好拆机器了。”

My mother hesitated but a moment, then opened her purse，took out a pair of chopsticks，retrieved the bill and smiled as she took her seat.

我母亲犹豫了一会儿，然后打开她的手包，拿出了一副筷子，用它把钱夹了出来。她面带着笑容找了个空座位坐下了。

Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".

一天清晨，我隔壁的邻居在用一个电动剪修机修草坪。当他干到一半儿的时侯，另一个邻居也来了。他仍穿着睡衣，手里拿着他自家的电动剪修机，说是来帮忙的。这个要求当然不会被拒绝了。活干完时，我那位受益的都居对他表示了谢意，还评论说:“这才是真正的部居。”

"Don't mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"

另一个邻居却说:“不用客气。我算了一下，帮你一个忙，可以节省一半时间，然后我还能回去睡觉。”