飞天小懒猫er
Family problems…Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.The Indian man said to the American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven'teven met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry awoman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.. And you say you have family problems..Count to one Hundred Before You Speak In class,the teacher,with his back leaning against the stove,said to the students,"Before you speak,you should think and count to at least 50,and for important matters to 100."No sooner had the teacher stopped talking than the students began to count. at last all the students shouted together,"1...98,99,100.teacher,your clothes are on fire."数到一百再说课堂上，老师背靠火炉站着，对学生们说：“说话前要三思，起码数到50，重要的事情要数到一百。”老师的话音刚落，学生立刻从“1”开始数起来。最后一起喊：“98，99，100！老师，您的衣服着火了。”2.The Advantage of AlcoholIn order to prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacher put a bug into a glass filled with alcohol,soon the bug died. The teacher asked a student,"what does this show?"The student answered,"It shows that people won't get parasites if they drink more alcohol."酒的好处为了证明酒精对生物的危害，老师把一只虫子放入装有酒精的杯子里，虫子很快就死了。老师问一个学生：“这说明了什么？”学生答道：“说明人多喝酒，就不会长虫子。”3.Exchange the Tortoise for the WolfTeacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep?Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.把乌龟换成狼老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。小明，你说说看，兔子为什么输给乌龟？小明：因为它睡觉了。老师：对极了！我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢？小明：把乌龟换成狼！搞笑电脑问题大全：能帮我重启网络吗？Computer help desks are used to fielding oddball requests but sometimes the questions leave even the best of them stumped.Such as: "Why isn't my wireless mouse connected to the computer?"Or: "Can you reset the Internet for me?"Then there was the questioner who asked: "Where can I get software to track UFOs?"Robert Half Technology, a provider of information technology professionals based in Menlo Park, California, asked 1,400 chief information officers from companies across the United States to come up with the most baffling questions their help desks or technical support teams had ever received. Among the more unusual were:-- "My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"-- "Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?"-- "My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?"-- "Can you tell me the weather forecast for next year?"-- "Can you install cable TV on my PC?"Then there was the computer user who confused the CD-ROM drive with a drink holder and asked: "How do I get my computer's coffee-cup holder to come out again?"Katherine Spencer Lee, executive director of Robert Half Technology, said such queries were a test of the skills of the help and technical support desks."These unusual requests highlight the need for technical support personnel to also demonstrate patience, empathy and a sense of humor," she said.帮用户解决电脑问题是电脑技术支持的主要职责，但有时用户提的问题甚至把IT精英们都给难倒了。比如：“为什么我的无线鼠标没连在电脑上？”再如：“能帮我重启一下网络吗？”还有人会问：“在哪能下载追踪UFO的软件？”总部位于加州门罗园的“罗伯特1/2”IT咨询公司日前对美国各地的1400位公司IT主管进行了一项调查，让他们列出公司的技术咨询或支持部门所遇到的“最难回答”的问题。其中包括：“电脑提示：请按任意键继续。这个任意键在哪？”“你能将键盘按字母顺序重排吗？”“我女儿被锁在浴室了，你能开锁吗？”“能不能帮我查查明年的天气预报？”“能帮我在电脑上安装有线电视吗？”还有一位用户将光盘驱动器（CD-ROM）与一种杯架混淆了，问曰：“怎么把电脑上的咖啡杯架弄出来？”“罗伯特1/2”IT咨询公司的执行官凯瑟琳?6?1斯宾塞?6?1李说，这些问题对于技术人员来说的确是个考验。她说：“技术人员在解答这些问题时，一定要有耐心，要理解用户，还要有些幽默感。”Fresh RicherA fresh richer is purchasing coffin in the store for the death．A person asks him：“Which one is better？”He says：“Of course the zinc1)－filled is more durable2)，but the wooden is helpful to the health．”新 贵一个新贵在墓葬品商店选购他死时要用的棺材，有人问他：“最好买哪一种？”他说：“镀锌的棺材当然比较耐用，但木制棺材有益于健康。” NOTE 注释：1. zinc n. 锌 vt. 涂锌于.2. durable adj. 持久的, 耐用的The reds or the greens？Two apples up in a tree were looking down on the world．The first apple said，“Look at all those people fighting，robbing，rioting －－no one seems willing to get along with his fellow man．Some day we apples will be the only ones left．Then we'll rule the world．”Replied the second apple，“Which of us －－the reds or the greens？”红的还是绿的？树上的两只苹果俯瞰着世界。第一只苹果说：“瞧瞧这些人吧，争斗、抢劫、骚乱——似乎就没有人愿意与别的人好好相处。总有一天，我们苹果就会成为世上惟一的幸存者。到那时我们就将统治世界。”第二只苹果回答说：“我们中的哪些呢——红的还是绿的？”本文无注释You don’t have to pay for lightningTeacher：Who can tell me the difference between lightning and electricity？Student：You don’ t have to pay for lightning.闪电不用付钱老师：谁能告诉我闪电与电的区别？学生：闪电不用付钱。 本文无注释 H o n e s t yA man who is driving a car stopped by a police officer．The following exchange takes place．．．Man：What's the problem，officer？Officer：You were going at least 75in a 55zone．Man：No，sir，I was going 65．Wife：Oh，Harry．You were going 80．（Man gives his wife a dirty look．）Officer：I' m also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight．Man：Broken taillight？I didn't know about a broken taillight。Wife：Oh Harry，you've known about that tail for weeks．（Man gives his wife another dirty look．）Officer：I' m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt．Man：Oh，I just took it off when you were walking up to the car．Wife：Oh，Harry，you never wear your seat belt．Man：Shut your dang mouth。Officer：（Turns to the woman）：Ma ' am，does your husband talk to you this way all the time？Wife：No，only when he's drunk．诚 实警官让一位驾车的男士停下车。随后出现如下的对话：男士：警官，有什么问题？警官：你在限速55英里的地段开到至少75英里。男士：不，长官，是65英里。妻子：啊，哈里，你刚才开到80英里。（男士瞪了妻子一眼。）警官：我还要给你张罚单，你的尾灯碎了。男士：尾灯碎了？你不说，我还真不知道尾灯碎了。妻子：哦，哈里，几个星期以前你就知道了。（男士又恶狠狠地瞪了她一眼。）警官：我还要给你张传票，你没系安全带。男士：噢，你朝我车走过来的时候我才解开的。妻子：啊，哈里，你从来都不系安全带。男士：闭上你的臭嘴。警官：（转向女士）夫人，你丈夫总是这样跟你说话吗？妻子：不，只有当他醉了的时候。本文无注释 He must have a computerA mother was teaching her 5-year-old son about God. “Do you know, ”she said to him one day, “that God knows where everybody is all the time, and exactly what they are doing. ”The little boy looked at his mother wide-eyed and said, “Wow. He must have a computer.”他一定有台电脑一位母亲给她5岁的儿子讲上帝。“你知道吗, ”有一天她对他说, “无论一个人在哪里, 在干什么事情, 上帝都知道。”小男孩睁大了眼睛看着他妈妈说, “哇。那他一定有一台电脑。”本文无注释 Nice TryMy wife and I were stopped by a state policeman. He started to write up a speeding ticket. My wife, who’s a hair stylist, said, “If you let us off with a warning, I’ll give you a free haircut for a year. ”The policeman removed his hat--and he was completely bald. □by Peter Orphanos尝 试我和妻子被警察拦住了，他给我们开一个超速的罚款单。我的妻子是一个发型设计师，于是她就对警察说，“如果你让我们免于警告，我就为你免费理发一年。”警察脱下他的帽子——他是一个光头。本文无注释Who is DisgustingFirst：“My neighbor is very disgusting，who moved here recently，he rang the bell of my house with a rush late at night．”Second：“It is disgusting in faith，do you call the police？”First：“No．I just take him as a madman，and continue to play my piano．”谁可恶甲：“我家新搬来的邻居好可恶，竟然深更半夜跑来猛按我家的门铃。”乙：“的确可恶。你有没有报警？”甲：“没有。我当他是疯子，继续弹我的琴。”本文无注释 Where the Declaration of Independence was signed?Teacher：“Who knows where the Declaration of In dependence was signed？”Student：“I know，I know．At the bottom of the page．”《独立宣言》是在哪儿签字的？老师：“谁知道《独立宣言》在哪儿签字的？”学生：“我知道，我知道。是在那页纸的底部。”本文无注释 Driving carFather：“Uh，oh，I think I just made an illegal right－hand turn．”Susie：“That' s okay，Dad，the policeman behind you just did the same thing．”开 车父亲：“哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。”苏茜：“没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。”本文无注释HumorMother：“Susie，every time you misbehave，I get another gray hair．”Susie：“Gosh，mom，you must have been a terror．Just look at Grandma．”幽 默母亲：“苏茜，每次你表现不好，我就多长一根白头发。”苏茜：“天哪，妈，那你肯定一直都表现很糟。看看外婆吧。”本文无注释 Not Necessary To AnswerTeacher：“I have two questions，it isn't necessary to answer the second question if you know the result of the first question．How much hair do you have？”Student ：“A hundred and twenty millions．”Teacher：“How do you know it？”Student：“It is not necessary to answer the second question．”无 需 回 答老师：“我有两个题目，你若能答出第一题就不需答第二题。你有多少根头发？”学生：“1．2亿根。”老师：“你怎么知道？”学生：“第二题不需回答。”本文无注释 Now I can go homeOne day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question．I'll permit him or her to go home earlier．” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed．He was very angry and asked，“Who did it？Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good－bye，Sir! ”我 可 以 回 家 了一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的？ 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。” Don’t tell herTwo twins went to the kindergarten．“Who's the elder and who's the younger one？” asked a nurse．One of them winked and said，“Elder brother，don't tell her．”不 要 告 诉 她两个双胞胎走进幼儿园。“你们两个谁大谁小？”保育员问。其中的一个眨了眨眼睛说，“哥哥，不要告诉她。”The Things Kids SayOne summer evening during a violent thunderstorm1) a mother was tucking her small boy into bed．She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor2) in his voice，“Mommy，will you sleep with me tonight ？”The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring3) hug． “I can' t，dear．” She said．“I have to sleep in Daddy's room．”Along silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice：“The big sissy4)．”童言无忌一个夏季的晚上，雷雨大作，母亲让小男孩上床钻进被窝。她正准备熄灯，孩子声音颤抖地问：“妈咪，你今晚可以陪我睡吗？”母亲笑着，拥抱一下小孩安慰说，“亲爱的，不可以。我得睡在爸爸的房间。”一阵长长的沉默之后，男孩小声地用颤音说：“大胆小鬼。”NOTE 注释：1. thunderstorm n. [气]雷暴2. tremor n. 震动, 颤动3. reassuring adj. 安心的, 可靠的4. sissy n. 胆小鬼
宁静雨城
橱柜专业术语柜体：按空间结构包括吊柜、地柜、装饰柜、中高立柜等；按材料组成又包括木类门、铝合金门、卷帘门等；装饰板件：包括隔板、顶板、顶线板、背墙饰等；台面：包括人造石、防火板、人造石英石、不锈钢台面，天然石台面等；地脚：包括地脚板、调整地脚和连接件。调整地脚常用地有塑料和铝合金地脚板；五金配件：包括门铰、导轨、拉手、吊码、其他结构配件、装饰配件等；功能配件：包括星盆(人造石盆和不锈钢盆)、龙头、上下水器、皂液器、各种拉篮、拉架、置物架、米箱、垃圾桶等；灯具：层板灯、顶板灯、各种内置，外置式橱柜专用灯。不同类别橱柜的特点介绍门板1、防火板防火板的标准名称是耐火板，防火板只是人们的习惯说法，但它可不是真的不怕火，只是具有一定的耐火性能。防火板是用防火板做贴面，刨花板做基材(也有用密度板的)，经过橱柜工厂压贴后制成。与三聚氰氨板比起来，防火板加工更麻烦一些。许多装修队、橱柜厂，没有专门的机器压板，就用一些土办法压板，质量很难保证。防火板贴面是三层，而三聚氰氨板的贴面只有一层，所以，一般防火板的耐磨、耐划、耐高温等性能要好于三聚氰氨板。防火板色泽鲜艳，给人以焕然一新的感觉。但防火板台面易被水和潮湿侵蚀，使用不当，会导致脱胶、变形、基材膨胀等后果。2、三聚氰氨板三聚氰氨板是用三聚氢胺在刨花板或密度板表面贴耐火板，其延伸品种在边缘包金属边框。与防火板相似，具有耐摩擦、抗冲击、耐高温、防热酸热碱等性能。耐火板有仿天然的各种颜色和纹路，但没有立体造型，加金属封边、铝合金槽式拉手只是增加其装饰性，从实用效果看没有太大效果。3、油漆板油漆板分为烤漆类和聚酯漆类。烤漆是树脂和添加剂组成的，可以打磨抛光。聚酯漆类采用的是喷漆工艺，无需烤制，表面是亚光效果不用抛光，讲究的是牢固度和附着力。好的聚酯漆呈粉末状脱落，而普通的成片脱落。4、实木板实木板分为纯实木板、实木复合板、实木贴面板。纯实木板对木种的一致性要求较高，整体自然，华贵经典，效果好；实木复合板以实木拼接料为基材，表面贴实木皮，能达到实木的视觉效果；实木贴面板是在密度板的表面双贴实木皮。实木复合板、实木贴面板能避免表面原材料的色差和缺陷，达到纹理颜色效果一致，且不易变形。5、pvc板(吸塑板)pvc板是用pvc靠真空抽压在基材表面，可以有立体造型，由于整体包覆，防水防潮性能较好，有多种颜色和纹路可选择。但表面容易划伤、磕伤，不耐高温。而且，pvc由于在涂胶过程中胶的水分会浸入基材中，板材容易变形。6、水晶板(有机玻璃)水晶板是在板材表面刷油漆后贴有机玻璃板，由于其包贴、封边、修边等工艺完全靠手工操作，加上有机玻璃本身的特性，缺点较多。7、塑料边框板塑料边框板是用一些塑料装饰面包贴在基材表面，这种材料大都靠手工操作，刚开始做时很漂亮，有着丰富的色泽和色彩，久后容易变形、脱落、扭曲、褪色，并存在许多清洁死角。柜体1、贴面板贴面板的基材一般是刨花板或密度板，耐高温，质地坚硬，耐压，耐酸碱，大部分橱柜柜体采用贴面板。2、不锈钢板不锈钢板耐高温，防酸碱，有管道时无法开孔，色调冷硬，缝隙易藏污纳垢。卫浴产品术语Terminologies for Bathroom Hardware一、 水龙头（Faucet）1.1 水龙头种类1.1.1 Cleaner Faucet 净身器龙头1.1.2 Concealed Faucet 暗式龙1.1.3 Double Handle Faucet 双把龙头1.1.4 Fast On Faucet 快开龙头1.1.5 Kitchen Faucet 厨房龙头1.1.6 Lavatory Faucet 脸盆龙头1.1.7 Pedaled Faucet 脚踏式龙头1.1.8 Shower Faucet 淋浴龙头1.1.9 Shower Nozzle 淋浴喷头1.1.10 Single Handle Faucet 单把龙头1.1.11 Thermostat Faucet 恒温龙头1.1.12 Time-lapse Faucet 延时龙头1.1.13 Versatility Faucet 多功能龙头1.1.14 single hole basin mixer 单孔脸盆龙头1.1.15 double hole basin mixer 双孔脸盆龙头1.1.16 bathtub mixer with shower head 挂墙式浴缸龙头1.1.17 wall-in bathtub mixer 入墙式沐浴龙头1.1.18 Automatic Faucet 感应龙头1.1.19 Basin Faucet 台式龙头1.2 水龙头配件1.2.1 Angle Valve 角阀1.2.2 Cold-water tap 水嘴1.2.3 Shower mixer 淋浴水龙头1.2.4 faucet, mixer tap 明三联式浴缸水嘴1.2.5 shower 淋浴喷头1.2.6 shower curtain 浴盆帘二、 化妆镜（Cosmetic Mirror）2.1 安装情况2.1.1 bathroom cabinet 卫生间镜箱2.1.2 round front model 圆形设计2.1.3 oval shape design 椭圆形设计2.1.4 countertop installation 圆台面上安装2.1.5 fixing with back to wall 背靠墙式安装2.1.6 above counter mounting 台上安装2.1.7 under counter mounting 台下安装2.1.8 fixing above table board 柜上安装2.1.9 玻璃门合页（Glass Door Hinge）三、 卫浴配件（Bathroom accessory）3.1 挂式配件3.1.1 Fix Clamp 固定夹3.1.2 Support Bar 浴室支撑杆3.1.3 Glass Clamp玻璃夹3.1.4 Connector连接件3.1.5 Mounting 固定座3.1.6 Rail Connecting Block 导轨支撑件3.1.7 Handle 拉手3.1.8 Robber Hook 衣钩3.1.9 towel ring毛巾环3.1.10 towel bar毛巾杆3.1.11 robe hook衣勾3.1.12 paper holder卫生纸架3.1.13 toilet brush holder马桶刷架3.1.14 double towel bar 双档毛巾架3.1.15 soap dish & bath lotion rack 皂碟和洗剂架3.1.16 towel shelf浴巾架3.2 其他配件3.2.1 Position Block 限位器3.2.2 Wheel 导轮3.2.3 Guide Rail 导轨3.2.4 Mounting 固定座3.2.5 Guide track 导槽3.2.6 Mounting Bracket 支撑脚3.2.7 Mount Header Bracket 吊码3.2.8 Hinge 合页3.2.9 Header Corner 角码3.2.10 Indicator Lock 指示锁3.2.11 Grab Bar For the Disabled 残弱人扶手3.2.12 Strip胶条3.2.13 Sink地漏3.2.14 Indicator指示牌3.2.15 crystal水晶3.2.16 shelf架子3.2.17 lamp灯3.2.18 metal grid金属网3.2.19 soap dispenser皂液器3.2.20 glass shelf玻璃平台3.2.21 tumbler holder 牙刷杯架3.2.22 soap holder肥皂架3.2.23 wall mount shower caddy挂墙式花洒3.2.24 shower caddy花洒3.2.25 soap dish皂碟3.2.26 paper towel storage container3.2.27 Paper handkerchief box纸巾盒3.2.28 safety grab bar 安全扶杆3.2.29 tooth brush holder 牙刷架3.2.30 mirror镜子3.2.31 corner shelf 转角架3.2.32 stainless steel push down3.2.33 bin 不锈钢脚踩垃圾桶3.2.34 column basin立柱盆3.2.35 desk basin台盆3.2.36 bathtub浴缸Butt joint对接接头四、 马桶（toilet）4.1 按种类分4.1.1w.c. pan大便器4.1.2 squatting w.c.pan蹲式便器4.1.3 sitting w.c.pan坐式便器4.1.4 wash down w.c.pan 冲落式便器4.1.5 siphonic w.c.pan虹吸式便器4.1.6 siphon jet w.c.pan喷射虹吸式便器4.1.7 siphon vortex w.c.pan旋涡虹吸式便器4.1.8 integral sitting w.c.pan连体式坐便器4.1.9 urinal小便器4.1.10 wall hung urinal壁挂式小便器4.1.11 stall urinal落地式小便器4.1.12 One-Piece Toilet 连体座便器4.1.13 Two-piece toilet 分体座便器4.2 相关配件4.2.1 toilet, lavatory 恭桶4.2.2 toilet paper, toilet roll 卫生纸4.2.3 toilet paper holder 卫生纸架4.2.4 toilet cover 恭桶盖4.2.5 toilet seat 恭桶座圈4.2.6 tank 低水箱4.2.7 tiles 瓷砖4.2.8 sink drain 落水管4.2.9 trap 存水弯4.2.10 ball-float toilet 浮球阀式恭桶4.2.11 tank lid 水箱盖4.2.12flush handle低水箱扳手4.2.13 float ball 浮球4.2.14 ball-cock assembly 浮球阀4.2.15 inlet tube 进水管4.2.16 cistern水箱4.2.17 upper cistern高位水箱4.2.18 lower cistern低位水箱4.2.19 S-trap 地排污4.2.20 Outlet O,D. 排污口外径4.2.21 Roughing in 排污口中心离墙4.2.22 Wash down直冲式4.2.23 P-trap 横排式五、 材质（Material）5.1 材质分类5.1.1 stainless steel不锈钢5.1.2 chrome-gold铬金5.1.3 satin砂丁5.1.4 alloy合金5.1.5 zinc alloy锌合金5.1.6 chrome铬5.1.7 satin chrome锻纹铬5.1.8 chrome-walnut wood 松木5.1.9 nickel镍5.1.10 satin nickel锻纹镍5.1.11 machoney-leather皮革5.1.12 sliver-oxide银5.1.13 cherry wood樱桃木5.1.14 beech wood 山毛榉木
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