帮改英语作文

坦率地说，你的英语文章还不错，与我刚才批的另一篇难分伯仲。只是一些小的瑕疵，我改了改，不妥之处，可坚持原稿。修改处皆用大写标出，请查收:SocialNetworkingforBusinessToday,wearejustLIVINGinadigitalworld,andeachindoorworkerhasonecomputertouse.Theycanusesocialnetworktohelptheirjobs,suchasdevelopingsocialrelationship,decreasingthepressurefromworkingandhavingsomeindoorexperience.Socialnetworkingprovidespeopleaplatformtocreateandjoinnetworkstofindandcommunicatewithfriends,family,andcolleagues.Itisthemostimportantpartofbusiness.Infact,socialnetworkingwouldbeanessentialwaytohelpthedevelopmentofbusiness.Itcanprovidethelatestbusinessinformation,reducethecostofbusinessandprovidetheworkingexperiencefromothers.Inaddition,whenbusinesscompaniesusesocialnetworkingtools,theycanlearnsomebusinessexperiencefromtheothercompanies.Nooneistheperfectpersonbecauseeveryonehastheirstrongabilitiesandcharacteristicshortage.Sameasthecompanies,theyhavetolearnmuchsuccessfulexperiencefromothers.Berkowitzdescribesthat“OrganizationsarerealizingWHATtheyneedtoincorporatesocialnetworkinginthecontextofspecificbusinessprocesses,”(10).Usingsocialnetworkingtools,experiencedsalespeoplecanofferinsightstojuniorstaffmembersinsmalldosesandinacasualstyle.Ingeneral,sometimesweoftenfindthatpeoplewhorunthebusinessalwayshavetodealwithdifferentaccidentalsituations.Eventhoughmanagersmayhavegoodabilitiesontheirwork,theyarelackofabilitiestodealwithfamilies.Whentheyresearchsomesocialnetworkingwebsites,especiallytheexperiencedpeople’swebsites,theycanlearnnewstrategiesaboutrunningbusiness.NancyDavisdescribesthat“anextendedprofileformatthatisthekernelofasocialnetworkingplatformcanallowemployeestoadddetailsaboutcompetencies,projectexperienceandpastpositions,andtoblogandsharebookmarks.Thisaddeddetailcanmakeharnessingtheenterprise'sinternalknowledgebaseeasierand,withproperaccesscontrols,canbeTHEusefulinformationforcustomersaswell.”(1)Forexample,anewbusinesspersonwantstorunarestaurantbusiness.HecouldwatchsometeachingstrategiesfromtheYoutube.Youtubehasthousandsofpeople’sexperienceINRESTAURANT.Bywatchingthesevideos,newbusinesspeoplewillknowalotofthingsaboutrestaurant,suchashiringpeople,decoratingtherestaurantandmanagingthemoneycycles.Companycombinedwithemployeeandemployers.Ifpeopleallcanlearnsomebusinessstratagiesfromothercompaniesthroughsocialnetworking,company’sbusinessrunningwillBEIMPROVEDtoahigherstandard.Socialnetworkingisaveryconvenienttoolforthebusiness.Itcanreducethecostofbusinessandprovidetheworkingexperiencefromothers.Withthedevelopmentofsocialnetworking,companiescanhaveagoodplatformtoexpandtheirbusiness.

In the modern society, people do not trust each other as before. So helping strangers has been considered as a valuable virtue of human. But others hold onto the opinion that giving a hand to the strangers would bring trouble and danger to themselves.In my opinion, it is necessary to help the strangers and offer what we can do to them. Although we may be involved in risks of getting hurt or cheated, there are many reasons for helping others. Firstly, helping others can make us happy. Secondly, giving others a hand can help us obtain the inner satisfaction and a sense of fulfilment. When we are needed and trusted, we will feel great joy deep inside our heart. Thirdly, we all need help from others throughout our life, too. If no one helps others, we also could not get help from others when we are in needed and desperate.But when we help others, we should be aware of being deceived or cheated. We should use our experience and wisdom to distinguish between the real needed and the liar. If we find anything wrong, we can stop offering our help and call the police to avoid losing property.总体你写的语法什么的都没有大错，非常好

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My Dream To todays（建议直接用nowadays。todays是今夕的意思，为什么要加to，表目的？比较？相对？）,i （格式上：1. I 要大写；2.英文写作格式要求，每个逗号和句号后，要空一格。）still remember that when i was young,（建议此处用when I was a little boy/girl。因为对于外教而言，二十多岁的年纪就是young。）our teacher asked us to write a composition about our dreams. At that time,i had a variety of unrealistic dreams.Just like draming（这里是想说dreaming of 吗？朗文里没有draming这个词） of becoming millionaires（此处应该用a millionaire，因为你只是一个人，如何分身成很多个百万富翁呢？） overnight or suddenly juming （这里的原词是jumping吧？）to great fame. With the growth of age,I think work is a blessing（句子成为不完整。“工作是一件有福分的”后面呢？或者把a去掉，变成work is blessing）, especially a well-paid job.Maybe you will ask me why your dream is so simple?Let me tell you my reason. One day,I will graduate from the university and enter （加定冠词 the）society.It means i have grown up.However,it also represents my parents are getting older and older. They need to be taken good care of.So i want to work hard to get a well-paid job （逻辑问题。在顺序上，不是认真工作，然后找到一份高收入工作。而是，searching for a well-paid jod，然后找到一份高收入工作，再然后认真工作 拿到钱。）in order to （这里只用to表目的就够了，把 in order删掉。不能用in order to,因为这个只能放句首。这里是句中。 ） provide a better life for my parents. I know that realizing this dream will take a lot of time and efforts.To achieve the dream,I will not just wait but take actions to live in my dream.

让我冒昧就您这篇作文提几句意见：我认为好的作文并不能仅是把许多单句集合一起。在描述一件事时，句子应该顺畅达意，有连贯性。对同一事物，最好能避免使用千篇一律的文字或语句来表达。您的作文，如果把它翻译成中文，大概会是如下的样子：这是我们的学校，欢迎您到来。体育馆[我猜您是指体育馆(gym,gymnasium),而不是gum(橡皮糖，或橡胶)]在花园后面，花园在图书馆旁边，图书馆在课室大楼前面，饭厅在课室大楼旁边，操场在校门和卫生间中间。学校很漂亮。读起来是否有点“只是把单句集在一起”的感觉?让我试试把文章改写如下，看您是否觉得比较好一点：Thisisourschool.Iwouldliketowelcomeyoutoourschoolbyintroducingtoyouthefacilitiesinourschool.First,wehaveamagnificentgymnasiumwheresporteventstakeplacethroughouttheschoolyear.Nexttothegymnasiumisourschoolgarden.Seasonalflowersandplantationsinthegardenalwaysmakeourschoolmorebeautifulandmoreappealing.Ourlibraryislocatednexttothegardenandinfrontoftheclassroombuilding.Aftertheclassroombuilding,youwillfindourdininghallwhereweeatourluncheveryday.Letmealsointroduceyoutotheplaygroundofourschool.Thisistheplacewhereweplaygamesandtheplaceforformalevents.Theplaygroundsitsbetweenthegateofentranceandthelavatory.Soyousee,wehaveabigandcharmingschoolandweallloveitverymuch.