英语冷笑话带翻译

Dentist: I'm sorry, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollarsMother: But I thought you only charged five dollars Dentist: But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients away

1.A male deer ran faster and faster ran faster and faster ran faster and faster, finally he becomes highway (deer). 一只公鹿越跑越快越跑越快越跑越快，最后他变成高速公路（鹿）了。

"Are we poisonous?"the young snake asked his mother"Yes"she replied "Why do you ask""I've just bitten my tongue"“我有毒吗”一幼蛇问母亲“是的”她回答，“你问这个干什么”“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头”

One day ,a little penguin ask his grandmother,"grandma,grandma,am i a penguin?'"yeah,you are certainly a penguin!'The little ask his father again,"dad,dad,am i a penguin??""yes,you are a penguin,what's the matter??""but,why am i feel so cold????"There is this guy and this girl and they want to have sex. So they go to the girls house and before entering the girl stops the guy and says."My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say `baloney` it means push harder, and when I say `pastrami` it means push slower."With this the two get onto the top bunk and have sex. First, the girl moans, "baloney,baloney,baloney" then shouts "pastrami,pastrami,pastrami" and then back to "baloney,baloney,baloney"Finally, the girls sister says "Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there, you`re getting mayonaise all over me!"1Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?A: He wanted to see the waterfall.2Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?A: He wanted to see the butterfly.3Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?A: He wanted to save time.4Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?A: A clock.5Q: What has a neck, but no head?A: A bottle.6Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?A: On the bottom.7Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?A: He wanted to see time fly.one car come, one car cometwo car pangpangone car diefour best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. the nurse comes up to the first man and says, "congratulations, you got twins." the man said "how strange, i'm the manager of minnesota twins." after awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "congratulations, you got triplets." man was like "hmmm, strange i worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "congratulations, you got twins x2." man is happy and says, "ironic, i work for the hotel "4 seasons." all three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing god and banging his head on the wall. they asked him what's wrong and he answered, "what's wrong? i work for 7up"!四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3m公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"呵呵,一个比一个效率高.osama bin laden, a canadian, and president bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. they rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "i will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." the canadian said, "i am a father and my son will be a farmer so i want the soil in canada to be forever fertile." the genie said the magic words and the wish came true. osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. president bush said "genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” it’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." president bush said,” wow! that’s a big bridge...fill it with water!!! 拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"my baby swallowed a bulletyoung mother: "doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. what shall i do ?doctor: "don't point him at anybody."notes1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹2. to point at: 对...瞄准个中意味自己体会吧 :)allybabyonce two hunters went hunting in the forest. one of them suddenly fell down by accident. he showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. the other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. the operator said calmly:"first, you should make sure that he is already dead." then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"what should i do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？” fool_fox 标题：i'm the boss内容：the boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "i'm the boss". he then taped it to his office door.later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "your wife called, she wants her sign back!" note:staff meeting:员工会议再来一个：wife's picturea businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.after he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. after he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.the bartender says, "look, buddy, i'll bring you martinis all night long. but you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."the customer replies, "i'm peeking at a photo of my wife.when she starts to look good, then i know it's time to go home." note:tavern 酒馆, 客栈martini 马提尼酒peek/pi;k/ n.一瞥, 匆忙看过v.偷看

笑话一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一种民间口头创作形式,在民间文化中以口口相传的形式传播。我精心收集了简单英语冷笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!

After a beautiful purebred puppy wandered onto our back porch and made himself at home, my husband composed an ad for the "Lost and found" column of the local newspaper. It read: "A puppy, male, approximately nine months old, no collar, very friendly, found on Rockbridge Road. "

I feared all the detail might encourage an unscrupulous person to claim the dog. As I methodically explained why each clue revealed too much, my husband dutifully crossed out the words. Finally, in frustration, he rewrote the ad, reducing it to a single sentence that I couldn't refute.

It read: "Guess what I found?"

一只漂亮的纯种狗来到我们的后门廊并已此为家了。我丈夫为当地的“失物招领”栏目构思了一则广告。它是这样写的：“小狗，雄性，近九个月年龄，无项圈，很友善，发现于石桥路。”

我害怕这样的细节会给那些昧着良心要狗的人以可乘之机。我有条不紊地解释为什么每个线索都透露得太多，我丈夫就尽职地划去一些词。终于，出于为难，他重新写了广告，把它缩为一个我无法反驳的句子。

它是这样写的：“猜猜我发现了什么?”

Jack: My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me.

John: How is that?

Jack: They enabled me to buy the neighbor's houses at half price.

杰克：我女儿的音乐课对我来说就是一笔财富呀。

约翰：这是怎么回事呢?

杰克：因为音乐课使我们只用半价就买下了邻居的房子。

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger man.

威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。

Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."

威尔说：“喏，你知道太平洋吗?就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。”

Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one whokilled it!"

比尔不屑一顾：“ 噢，那没什么。你知道死海吗?那是我爸爸杀死的。”

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"

Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."

老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”

杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。”