趣味英语美篇

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”Cat and MiceMrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top." What's in your box?" asked the friend."A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them.""But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend."So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。I think that I'm a chickenPsychiatrist: What's your problem?Patient: I think I'm a chicken.Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?Patient: Ever since I was an egg!精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？病人：我认为我是一只鸡。精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。我要表现得象位女士I Am Acting Like a LadyOne day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed."You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?""Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."我要表现得象位女士一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”The Broom Seller and the BarberA man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it."Two pence," said the man."No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave."A penny." said the barber."I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."卖扫帚的人和理发师一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面.理发师向他买了一把扫帚.当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱.卖扫帚的人说:"两便士""不,不"理发师说,"我只出一便士.如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去."卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱.卖扫帚的人说:"我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上."Want a Day Off 想请一天假Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, " We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. " I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"一天，史密斯去见他的客户部领导，“老板”，斯密斯说，“我们家明天要大搞清洁，我老婆需要我回去帮忙清洁阁楼和车库，搬搬挪挪什么的。”“斯密斯啊，你也知道，我们现在人手已经不够了”老板说，“明天的假我是没法给你批了”。“多谢老板，” Smith说，“我就知道跟着您干准没错”。I Lost 我输了It was at a five o’clock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．“So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？”“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come，so we tossed up for it．”“How nice！And so original， too！ And you won？”“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost．”五点钟，下午茶的时间，一个年轻人因为迟到向女主人致歉。“您能来可真好，琼斯先生，您的兄弟在哪儿呢？”“您知道我们在办公室里有非常忙，我们俩只能来一个，所以就掷币来决定由谁来。”“太有意思了！还那么有独创性！那您赢了？”“不，”年轻人心不在焉地说，“我输了。”

Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. We happily spent a happy day.今天和朋友一起出外交游，外面的空气很好，人感觉很舒服。我们骑着自行车一路欣赏鸟语花香。享受着大自然带给我们的无穷美好。大家开开心心地度过了愉快的一天。———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of *** others glad. “Now, children,” said she , “has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?”“Please, teacher ,”said a small boy, “I've make someone glad yesterday.”“Well done. Who was that?”“My grandma”“Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.”“Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!”一个主日学校的老师在对学生讲使别人兴奋的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人兴奋过？”“卧冬老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人兴奋过。”“做得好，是谁呢？”“我奶奶。”“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶兴奋的。”“是这样的，老师。我昨天往看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很兴奋！ There is a big bed , a small desk , a shelf and a closet in my room. The bed is near the desk . There is a shelf near the closet too . Many good books are in the shelf . I like the books very much . Oh , yes , There is a big board on the wall . I often write and draw pictures on the board .Oh , My bedroom is too beautiful . I like it very much . Do you like my room? Can you tell me about your room , please ?我的房间里有一张大床，一张小桌，一个书架和衣柜，床在桌子旁边，书架也在衣柜旁边，很多好的书都在书架上，我非常喜欢书，哦，是的，那有一个大的黑板在墙上，我经常写和画一些图片在黑板上。哦，我的房间是太漂亮了，我非常喜欢它，你喜欢我的房间吗，请你告诉我你的房间好吗？———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————Fox and cockOne morning a fox sees a cock.Hethink,”This is my breakfast.''He comes up to the cock and says,“I knowyou can sing very well.Can you sing for me?''Thecock is glad.He closes his eyes and beginsto sing.The fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away.The people in the field see the fox.They cry,”Look,look!The fox is carrying the cock away.''The cock says to the fox,“Mr Fox,do you understand?The people say you are carrying their cock away.Tell them it is yours.Not theirs.''The fox opens his mouth ang says,”The cock is mine,not yours.''Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree.狐狸和公鸡一天早上，一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡。他想：这是我的早餐。他朝公鸡走来，对他说：“我知道，你能唱得非常好听，你能唱给我听么？”公鸡很兴奋。他闭上眼睛开始唱歌。狐狸看到这些捉住它放到自己的嘴里走了。在田地里的人们看到了狐狸。大喊大叫：“看，看！狐狸捉住公鸡逃走了。”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生，你能理解么？人们以为你叼走了公鸡。告诉他们这是你的，不是他们的。”狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的，不是你们的。”就在那时，公鸡逃离了狐狸的嘴巴，跑到了树底下。Nowadays the news*** possesses considerable value Everybody should read it. It supplies us with a variety of news every day. It tells us the political situation of the world. If we form the habit of reading the news***, we shall （will） get enough knowledge to cope with our circumstances.现今报纸拥有极大的价值，人人都应该看它。它天天提供我们各种类类的消息。它告诉我们世界政治局势。假如我们养成看报的习惯，我们就能得到足够的知识来因应我们的环境。学生固然天天须做作业，但他们至少应该匀出一两个小时来看报。哪些，他们不但能增加知识而且也能遇上时代。总而言之，看报对学生很有益处。———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————Though my daily life is extremely monotonous, I try hard to adapt myimmolation to it. Why? Because I intend to be a good student. I wish to render service to my country.I get up at six o'clock every day. After I wash my face and brush my teeth, I begin to review my lessons. I go to school at seven o'clock.After school is over, I return home. We usually have supper at seven o'clock.Then I begin to do my homework. I want to finish it before I go to bed.固然我的日常生活十分单调，但我却竭力想法往适应它。为什么？由于我打算做一个好学生，希看将来为国家服务。我天天六点起床、洗脸刷牙后，就开始温习作业，七点钟我就往上学。放学后，我就回家了。我们通常在七点钟吃晚餐，之后我就开始做家庭作业，希看在睡觉前把它做完。———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————Do you mind being called a bad student? Of course not. So far as I know, everybody intends to be （become） a model student.However, to be a model student is by no means an easy thing. First, he must do his best to obtain knowledge. A man without sufficient knowledge will not succeed. Secondly, he must remember to improve his health. Only a strong man can do great tasks. Thirdly, he should receive moral education. If his conduct is not good, no one will consider *** friends with him.你价意被称为坏学生吗？当然不。就我所知，每个人都打算做模范学生。然而，做模范学生却不轻易。第一，他必须尽力获得知识（求知）。一个没有足够知识的人是不会成功的。第二，他必须记住促进健康。只有强壮的人才能做大事。第三，他应该接受道德教育。假如他品行不好，没有人会考虑和他交朋友的。———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————There is no doubt that happiness is the most precious thing in the world. Without it, life will be empty and meaningless. If you wish to know how to get happiness, you must pay attention to the following two points.First, health is the secret of happiness （the key to happiness）。 Only a strong man can enjoy the pleasure of life.Secondly, happiness consists in contentment. A man who is dissatisfied with his present condition is always in distress.无疑的欢快是世界上最宝贵的东西。没有它，人生将是空虚的而且毫无意义的。假如你希看知道如何获得欢快，你须留意下面两点。健康是欢快的要诀。唯有身体强壮的人才能享受人生的乐趣。欢快在于满足。一个不满于现状的人终是处在痛苦之中。As is well known, books teach us to learn life, truth, science and many other useful things. They increase our knowledge, broaden our minds and strengthen our character. In other words, they are our good teachers and wise friends. This is the reason why our parents always encourage us to read more books.Reading is a good thing, but we must pay great attention to the choice of books. It is true that we can derive benefits from good books. However, bad books will do us more harm than good.如众所周知，书籍教我们学习人生，真理，科学以及其它很多有用的东西。它们增加我们的知识，扩大我们的心胸并加强我们的品格。换句话说，它们是我们的良师益友。这是为什么我们的父母终是鼓励我们要多读书的理由。读书是一好事，但我们必须多加留意书的选择。不错，我们能从好书中获得益处。然而，坏书却对我们有害无益。———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————One Sunday my mother （Mother） had （made） me take my little young brother to the a trip to the country. She bade me take good care of him.While we were walking along the road, the sun was shining brightly and the breeze was blowing gently. We saw the beautiful flowers smile （smiling） at us and heard the birds sing （singing） their sweet songs on the trees. The scenery was indeed very pretty （beautiful）。When we felt tired, we returned home. We saw Mother （our mother） wait （waiting） for us at the door.有一个星期日，我母亲叫我带小弟弟往乡村游历。她吩咐我要好好照料他。当我们沿着道路行走的时候，太阳灿烂地照耀着，微风轻轻地吹着。我们看见美丽的花儿对我们微笑着，并闻声鸟儿在树上唱着动听的歌曲，风景实十分美丽。当我们感觉到倦怠的时候，我们就回家了。我们看见母样正在门口等候我们。———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————It is the duty of every citizen to make the country rich and powerful （To make the country rich and strong is…）。 In order to accomplish this object one must be patriotic （love his country）。 I consider this an unchangeable truth.How can a student love his country （be patriotic）？ I find my answer very *** and clear. He must study hard and store up knowledge so as to serve his （the） country in the future. If every student can do according to what I said, the country will certainly be rich and powerful.要使国家富强是每个公民的责任。为了达到此目的，必须爱国。我以为这是一条不易的定理。一个学生如何才能爱国呢？我发觉答复很简单明了。他必须用功读书并积储知识以便将来服务国家。假如每个学生能按照我所说的往做，国家一定会富强。

The Policeman and the Thief Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn’t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn’t see the thief but the back door of the shop.The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, “ Wait here,” said the policeman “ Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I’ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.” 警察与小偷一次， 一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷，他决定把这小偷押送到城里警察局去。在路上，他们路过了一家面包店。“我们没带吃的，呆会儿肯定会饿的，让我去给咱们买点面包。你在这等等我啊。”小偷说道。警察同意了，并在街上等了很长一段时间，但是，小偷一直没有从商店出来。警察开始担心了，他跑进商店，除了一扇开着的后门，他什么也没看见。警察不得不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局。幸运的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。当他们路过同一条街，同一家商店时，“在这等着我，”警察说道，“上次，你从这家商店溜了，这次，我去买面包，你必须在这等我！”

1、Cat and Mice  猫和老鼠

Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small boxwith holes punched in the top.

"What's in your box?" asked the friend.

"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've beendreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catchthem."

"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。

2、I think that I'm a chicken  我是一只鸡

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始的。

3、I Am Acting Like a Lady  我要表现得像位女士

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast DepartmentStore, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soonfound himself being battered by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and armsflailing, he plowed through the crowed.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't youact like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like agentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。

他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。

“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得像位绅士吗？”

“听着，”他说，“我过去一小时一直表现得像一位绅士。从现在起，我要表现得像位女士。”

4、The Broom Seller and the Barber    卖扫帚的人和理发师

A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. Thebarber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for theprice of it.

"Two pence," said the man.

"No, no," said the barber, "I will give you a penny,and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."

The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.

"A penny." said the barber.

"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, youmay put my beard on again."

一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面。理发师向他买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他修完面后，问了一下扫帚的价钱。

卖扫帚的人说：“两便士。”

“不，不。”理发师说，“我只出一便士。如果你认为不够的话，可以把扫帚拿回去。”

卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚，随后问修面要付多少钱。

卖扫帚的人说：“我只能给你半个便士，如果你认为不够的话，你可以把胡子再替我装上。”

5、Want a Day Off   想请一天假

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office."Boss," he says, "We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at hometomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, movingand hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the bossreplies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss,"says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

一天，史密斯去见他的客户部领导。“老板，”斯密斯说，“我们家明天要大搞清洁，我老婆需要我回去帮忙清洁阁楼和车库，搬搬挪挪什么的。”“斯密斯啊，你也知道，我们现在人手已经不够了。”老板说，“明天的假我是没法给你批了”。“多谢老板，”史密斯说，“我果然没信错人。”

6、I Lost   我输了

It was at a five o’clock tea. A young man came tothe hostess to apologize for his lateness.

“So good of you to come, Mr. Jones, and where isyour brother?”

“You see we're very busy in the office and only oneof us could come, so we tossed up for it.”

“How nice! And so original, too! And you won?”

“No,” said the young man absently, “I lost.”

五点钟，下午茶的时间，一个年轻人因为迟到向女主人致歉。

“您能来可真好，琼斯先生，您的兄弟在哪儿呢？”

“您知道我们公司很忙，我们俩只能来一个，所以就掷币来决定由谁来。”

“太有意思了！还那么有创意！那您赢了？”

“不，”年轻人心不在焉地说，“我输了。”

7、The Old Cat  老猫

An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old.One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years,and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old,but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。

8、There Good Friends    三个好朋友

One day, a monkey rides his bike near the river. This time he sees a lion under a tree. The lion runs at him. He is afraid and falls into the river. He can’t swim. He shouts. The rabbit hears him. He jumps into the river. The rabbit swims to the monkey, but he can’t help him. Luckily, an elephant comes along. He is very strong. He helps the rabbit and monkey. Three friends are very happy. They go to the elephant’s home. Then, three of them become good friends。

一天，一只猴子在河边骑车。这时他看见树下有一只狮子，狮子向他跑来。他非常的害怕，掉进河里。他不会游泳，大叫起来。兔子听见了，跳进水里，但他却没有办法救猴子。幸运的是，一只大象过来了。大象非常强壮，救出了兔子和猴子。他们来到大象的家，在那里吃了一顿大餐。从此他们成了好朋友。