英语作文在线优化

您好，这篇文章有几处可以优化：

第一句）As the picture suggest, a boy, comfortably lying in his sofa, preaches that he wouldn't act unless the dealine had been at hand, whereas the girl, standing in stark contrast to the first, is being dedicated to her missions, which makes her reassured, offering a thought provoking comparison between two habits to accomplish tasks.

1）这里的的男孩子应该是（与现在事实相反的虚拟场景），所以使用虚拟语气时，需要用到二类条件句的与现在事实相反，所以应该改成 ... preaches that he wouldn't act unless the deadline were at hand, ...（虚拟语气用 were），过去完成时是（与过去事实相反的虚拟场景）；

2）... is being dedicated to her missions 用的是（现在进行时）的（被动语态），女孩子是主动学习，而不是被动学习，所以应该直接用（主动语态），改成 is dedicating herself to her missions ...

3）between two habits to accomplish tasks 建议使用 of 这个从属介词 把 habits 和 accomplish tasks 连接在一起产生从属关联，between two habits of accomplishing tasks.  这里的 habits 还可以用更高深的词汇 mentality，habits 指的是习惯，而 mentality 指的是心态，思维；也就是 habits 是外在的行为，而 mentality 是内在的导向，mentality 的不同直接导致了外在行为的不同；

第二句）Simple as it looks, the cartoon implicitly indicates that taking actions as early as possible is preferable to delaying when we are confronted with tasks, raising a deeper question: why initiative is advisable?

1）as early as possible 可以考虑改成 in advance，更高端些；再者 early 后面用到了，尽量避免重复使用同一个单词，除非使用了不同的词性；

2）... confronted with cumbersome tasks, ... 添加了 cumbersome 体现出了（缓慢复杂的），此时（提早准备和提早开始）和（缓慢的）成了很亮丽的对比；

3）... why initiative is instrumental? 原句的 advisable 译为【明智的】，表建议，而建议无法体现这么做的重要性，改成了 instrumental（译为【其重要作用的，至关重要的】）可以加强之前的语气；

第三句）A variety of factors may contribute to it, and the primary cause, which is the benefit, is that the earlier you begin to do, the more time you get to better your perfomance.

1）... may contribute to it 中的 it 不清楚，不知道代指前面的哪一个，是男孩子的行为，女孩子的行为，还是两个人的思维差距，还是两个人的习惯，或是这种现象的产生，或是所导致的结果，或是前一句的提问 "why initiative is advisable"。所以这里最好表明，避免产生误解，尤其是后面写了 benefit，表示是好处，但因为 it 不知道代指什么，也就很难知道 benefit 是谁的 benefit 了。由于后面指的是（越早开始，就有更多的时间可以优化结果），所以和（女孩子的行为）比较匹配【这是个人的理解】。所以可以考虑 A variety of factors may offer some explanations to this question, ...

2）... but the primary cause ... 【不考虑第一点，把 and 改成 but，起到（尽管……，但……）的语气；

个人建议这一句可以改成：A variety of factors may offer some explanations to this question, but the idea that the earlier you begin to do something, the more time you will get to better your performance would be the primary concern and the most beneficial.（that 引导同位语从句）

第四句）Also, as the saying goes: talking mends no holes, another equally crucial factor, which is the feasibility, is that, now that you were occupied with nothing but relaxation, it would be all you can do to set out early.

1）... no holes, another equally .... 这里会被判断为（断句），因为句子有两个独立的结构，无法只用（逗号）连接在一起；需要改成独立句了；

2）... were occupied .... set out early 这一段没明白想要表达的语气和思维；还有从 now 开始到句尾和 feasibility 的关联也没有看明白；

第五句）From what has been discussed, we may reasonably arrive at the conclusion that accomplishing tasks as soon as possible does play a vital role in daily life, and put us in a better position to build our rosy future, which is comprised of countless well completed tasks.

1）文章体现了两种概念，1个是（越早开始，就有更多的时间……），另一个是（尽早完成任务），尽管两个概念没有冲突，但体现的概念是不同的，（越早开始，就有更多的时间……）体现的是（开头），而（尽早完成任务）体现的是（结尾），时间段的强调不同，而文章中没有把这两个概念作出关联。建议添加比如（... the earlier you begin to do something, the more time you will get to better your performance, thus accomplishing the tasks in a satisfactory way ...）

2）be comprised of something 译为【组成；构成；包括】，通常指的是（平面，同等重要的），而文章体现的时（叠加的层次感）和（因果挂钩），比如（早开始）才有（足够的时间优化……），有了（足够的时间优化……）才可以（提早完成），这些环节是（因果关系），是 be comprised of something 无法体现出来的；可以考虑改成 ... which is built on countless well planned and completed tasks. build 这个单词有体现出层次感和叠加作用；但因为前面已经用了 to build our rosy future 所以就不能再次使用，可以考虑改成 constructed upon。句子改成 .... and put us in a better position to build our rosy future, which is constructed upon countless well planned and completed tasks.  contruct（建造）有（事先规划，依次建造，最终完成）的概念，就像盖房子那样，会体现出三维的概念，这个是 comprise 无法做到的。

文章写得不错，不过其中用了一些没有经过变化而又常用的一些（范本）句型，会给人一种（很规范，中规中矩）的感觉。比如第一句的开头：As the picture suggests, 可以考虑多样化，比如改成 As the picture depicts / As the picture indicates / As the picture shows / As the picture illustrates / As the picture protraits ... 等。尽管不是很确定写这篇文章的用意，但假如是考试用的，那么考官可能一天内会读很多篇文章，而大家又习惯使用范文，或是范本来练习。假如一位考官每天都需要改1000篇文章，每篇文章不超过1分钟，表示需要连续近17个小时改作文，这很容易产生（审美疲劳），然后大家都是 As the picture suggests, 作开头，分数就会越给越低了。再来就是文章使用的定语从句，同样的格式使用了多次，没有太多的变化，也会产生（审美疲劳）的。最后，希望这些建议可以帮到您。

Welcome to the World ExpoAs we all know, Shanghai will host the 2010 World Expo.The World Expo has a long history. Since it has never been held in Asia, it is a great honor for our country to held the Expo. It is also a great honor for all the Asians,too. As a host city, Shanghai will get more chances of development. The government has promised that it would be the best one among all the Expos that were hosted in other cities. As a student in Shanghai,I should learn English well so that I can be a volunteer in the World Expo. I want to guide vistors from the world.I want to help them know more about Shanghai and China.The World Expo in 2010 Shanghai will host the 2010 World Expo. The World Expo has a long history but it has never been held in Asia. So the 2010 World Expo is an honor for all of the Asians. Our government has promised that it will be the best one. And Shanghai. as a host city. will have more chances to develop quickly. As a student in Shanghai. I should learn English well so that I can be a volunteer in the Expo to help foreigners know more about Shanghai.

Yao Ming is recognized as the most comprehensive NBA center. His height is a significant advantage: He can be an easy shot in the head defender. He can jump 20 feet outside the precision (in the NBA and the CBA during the period he had been dropped into the one-third of the ball). But he focused on the shot 10-12 feet from the basket, through the hook shot, turned around and shot Slam scores. His free throw shooting as high as 80% of the Union in the center of a few outstanding. He can even dribble to his midfield, and as a tall player, his basic skills of basketball and a very good passing skills, vision and field stadium feeling very good job. Some people criticized his lack of market momentum and not enough full strength. However, he was recognized as a great team spirit there, he shot himself to give up the opportunity pass to teammates. Compared to other star teammates, he's not a high number of shots, it will restrict his average points per game. His shooting is impressive, in the 2004-2005 season, his field goal percentage ranks third in the all-NBA. Defense, Yao is no doubt that the opponent is a deterrent, although many people think he's tall and strong enough. Although he is one of the league's defensive center, and many critics say his height, Yao Ming sealed the data should be better (in the third before the season, his every number decked in the following 2). Some analysts blame Yao Ming's wingspan is different from other athletes, his wingspan than his height to be shorter. However, Yao than wingspan still average a lot longer. As the Rockets used the slow-paced offensive mode, and Yao Ming in fact do not have much time to play, which led to his statistics are not high. In the game, Yao Ming does not always stay a few fixed locations, mobile Rockets need Yao Ming defensive tactics for their active participation. Despite his size and jumping ability was also unsatisfactory, but his height, his long arms, and his speed are strong enough to rival the best match. Yao Ming is a good hand rebounds, but was not the best. Although he rebounds among the top 20 list in hand, but they are unable to reach the summit of the total. There are a number of reasons, including his playing time than many of the top few rebounds started, along with the scope of activities subject to restrictions, leading to him a "telephone booth rebounds hands" - he could only grab a drop to the Own rebound, feeling as he stood on a narrow public telephone booth in the same. However, Hubie Brown, including many people think that if the number of shooting time and play some more, and Yao Ming each game is likely to score 20 points or more rebounds would be a few more than 10. In the 2004-2005 season, Yao's statistics for an average of 48 minutes scoring 28.7 points (15th ranked Union), 13.1 rebounds (ranked Union 21), many experts agree that the new statistics is a better way A more equitable measure of a player data. In contrast, the super center Shaquille O'Neal scored 48 minutes every 32.1 points and 14.6 rebounds, Yao Ming and his gap was only 3.4 points and 1.5 rebounds. Last season, Yao has shown excellent initial technical, he has certainly become a landmark of the NBA star's talent, his sense of the ball very good, excellent passing instincts, a strong ability to block. Yao Ming, once adapted to American culture and the NBA, he will be elected to consecutive All-Star players.中文翻译姚明被公认为NBA最全面的中锋。他的身高是一个显著的优势：他可以轻松的在防守队员头上投篮。他可以在20英尺外精确跳投（在CBA时期和NBA时期他都曾投进过三分球）。但是他的投篮主要集中在距离篮筐10-12尺的范围内，通过勾手投篮、转身投篮和灌篮得分。他的罚球命中率高达80%，在联盟中锋中数佼佼者。他甚至可以自己运球到中场，并且作为一个高个球员，他的篮球基本功和传球技能相当优异，球场视野和赛场感觉十分出色。一些人批评他在场上缺少气势并且体力不够充沛。但是，姚明却被公认为非常有团队精神，他经常放弃自己投篮的机会而传球给队友。相比其他明星队友来说，他的投篮次数并不高，因此也就限制住了他平均每场的分数。他的投篮命中率是令人印象深刻的，在2004-2005赛季，他的投篮命中率在全NBA排名第三。 防守方面，姚明的身高无疑是对对手的震慑，尽管不少人认为他的身材还不够结实。尽管他是联盟中数一数二的防守中锋，许多人批评说以他的身高，姚明的封盖数据统计应该更好（第三赛季前，他的每场封盖数在2个以下）。一些分析家将此归咎于姚明的翼展，不同于其他运动员，他的翼展比他的身高要短一些。但是，姚明的翼展依旧比平均水平要长很多。由于火箭队采用慢节奏的进攻模式，姚明其实并没有太多时间发挥，这导致了他的技术统计不高。在赛场上，姚明并不总是停留几个固定位置上，火箭队移动防守的战术需要姚明的积极参与。虽然他的身材和弹跳力还不尽人意，但是他的身高，他的长臂，和他的速度都足以与最强壮的对手相抗衡。 姚明是一个优秀的篮板球手，但还不是最好的。他虽然跻身于篮板球手排行榜前20名之内，但却总也达不到顶峰。这其中有很多原因，包括他上场的时间要比许多顶尖篮板球手少，再加上受到活动范围的限制，导致了他成了一个“电话亭篮板球手”——他只能抢到落向自己的篮板球，这种感觉就他像站在一个狭窄的公共电话亭里一样。然而，包括胡比·布朗在内的许多人都认为，如果上场时间和投篮次数再多一些，姚明的每场得分数很可能在20分以上，篮板球数会超过10个。在2004-2005赛季，姚明的数据统计为平均48分钟得分28.7分（联盟排名第15），篮板球13.1个（联盟排名21位），许多专家都认为这种新的统计方式是一个更好的、更公平的衡量一个球员数据的方法。相比之下，超级中锋奥尼尔每48分钟得分32.1分和14.6个篮板球，姚明与他的差距仅为3.4分和1.5个篮板球。 上赛季姚明已经初步显示了出色的技术，他肯定具有成为划时代的NBA巨星的天分，他球感非常不错，有出色的传球本能，盖帽能力也很强。一旦姚明适应了美国文化和NBA，他将连续当选全明星球员。

大问题没有,大致稍微改了一些句子 让整篇段落更通顺一点.Welcome the World Expo As we all know that Shanghai will host the 2010 World Expo.The World Expo has a long history but it has never been held in Asia. Thus it is a great honor for our city and all the Asians. As a host city,Shanghai will have more chances to develop.The government has promised that it will be better than any other Expo that has been hosted before. As a student in Shanghai,I should learn more English so that I may have the chance to become a volunteer to serve in the World Expo. I also want to help visitors that come from all over the world and help them know more about Shanghai and China. I will do my best to welcome the World Expo.