英语幽默笑话对话

The Fish

man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”Talking clock会说话的钟While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?""Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”Secret For a Long LifeA woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch."I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?""I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.""Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?""Twenty-six."长寿秘诀一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么？”“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿？”

英语幽默笑话如下：1.Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。2.Big handsTeacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?tudent: Big hands.大手老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？学生：大手。3.Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿？汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢？汤米：汉堡。4.On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。5.Correct Teacher: Jimmy, what are the three words which pupils use most often at school? Jimmy: I don’t know... Teacher: Correct.很对教师：吉米，学生在学校里经常用的三个字是什么？吉米：不知道……老师：很对。

下面是我整理的英语幽默小对话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语幽默小对话1：

One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

Girl: Father, I have sinned.

Preacher: What did you do, little girl?

Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.

Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?

Girl: He touched my breast.

Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)

Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.

Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.

Girl: But he also took off my cloth.

Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)

Girl: Yes, that's what he did.

Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.

Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...

Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)

Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...

Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...

Girl: But he had AIDS!!

Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!

英语幽默小对话2：

A: You really like my stupid jokes?

B: Yes, they just tear me up! You have such a dry sense of humor and you keep such a straight face that it takes minutes for the joke to dawn on me.

A: Yes, well such jokes aren’t funny if the wisecracker laughs. My father was a great jokester. It sometimes took hours for me and my brother to get the joke.

A: 你真的喜欢我讲的这些愚蠢的笑话吗?

B: 是的，它们都快让我肚皮笑破了!你还真能装，板着个脸，我是过了一会儿才领悟你的笑话的。

A: 讲俏皮话的人自己先笑了，就没意思了。我爸可会讲笑话了，有的时候我和我哥得花上半天功夫才能明白过来。

英语幽默小对话3：

男: This seat empty?(这个座位是空的吧?)

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)【我立马走人】

男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?)

女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)【我不想和你有任何交集】

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?)

女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】

男：Can I have your name?(我能知道你的名字吗?)

女：Why? Don''t you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?)

男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)

女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)【长的真丑】

男：I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。)

女：Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】