掌法的英语

英语幽默笑话： She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。 “How do you know?” asked her father. “She didn"t say anything.” I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?” The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?” 2.One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin. Girl: Father, I have sinned. Preacher: What did you do, little girl¡ Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch. Preacher: Why¡ What did he do to you¡ Girl: He touched my breast. Preacher: You mean like this¡ (The guy did it.) Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes. Preacher: Thats no reason to call him that. Girl: But he also took off my cloth. Preacher: You mean like this¡ (He did it again.) Girl: Yes, thats what he did. Preacher: Thats still no reason to call him that. Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what... Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this¡ (And you-know-what) Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, thats what he did... Preacher: My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a... Girl: But he had AIDS!! Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!! 3.When I was born, I was black.当我出生时，我是黑色的When I grow up, I am black.我长大了，我是黑色的When I'm under the sun, I'm black.我在阳光下，我是黑色的When I'm cold, I'm black.我寒冷时，我是黑色的When I'm afraid, I'm black.我害怕时，我是黑色的When I'm sick, I'm black.我生病了，我是黑色的When I die, I'm still black.当我死了，我仍是黑色的。you---white people,你---白种人When you were born, you were pink.当你出生时，你是粉红色的When you grow up, you become white.你长大了，变成白色的You're red under the sun.你在阳光下，你是红色的You're blue when you're cold.你寒冷时，你是青色的You are yellow when you're afraid.你害怕时，你是黄色的You're green when you're sick.你生病时，你是绿色的You're gray when you die.当你死时，你是灰色的And you, call me "color"?而你，却叫我「有色人种」？4.The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 "乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。 "妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。" 5.Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 6.Excuse for Speeding Excuse for Speeding Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over. 〃Why on earth were you driving so fast？〃 the policeman yelled. 〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident！〃 超速的理由 哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。 “你们为什么开那么快？”警官喊道。 “我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。” 7.Send the Bill to My Father Doctor： 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃 Patient： 〃then send the bill to my father，please.〃 把账单给我父亲 医生：“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。” 病人：“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”