英语短篇戏剧

英语四人话剧!幽默搞笑的话剧剧本《赖皮孙子糊涂爷爷》

演员: P: Pirate-Grandson. M: Mother.

F: Father. K: King -Grandpa.

旁白: There are 4 members in a family, Pirate, a 7-year-old naughty boy. His mummy is a beautiful white-collar worker. His dad, Andy Lau is a famous singer, and his dear grandpa, King is a kindly old man. Pirate loves his grandpa most, because King is very spoiling him. He hates his parents. Frankly speaking, he is afraid of them, Because they are very strict with him. .

正剧：(P,K出场)

P: Old King, Open the TV, I want to see Tom and Jerry. I love that mouse. Quick! No time! I can’t wait another second.

K: Oh dear! I nearly forget it. Don’t worry, I open it right now. (作开电视状)

P: Ha Ha! It’s really funny! Tom is so good! (作高兴状)搞笑小品

Oh no! “The End!” Where is Tom? I hate the end! (摔电视机，liuxue86.com作极度气愤状) Old King!? (对K吼)

K：Oh, what a pity dog! (作左顾右盼状) Your parents are not here ,and we can change another one ,our brave Pirate, just tell me. I’m sure your demand will be satisfied. (作充满自信状)

P：Really! OK! Now, let’s watch Caribbean Pirates!

K: Humm, No, it’s unfit for you…… (作犹豫状)

P: I just like this film, Old King, you tell lies. You don’t keep your promise.(作气愤欲泣状)

K; Oh yes, I play it for you. (作为难状) But please be quite, I’m afraid your parents wound not like us doing these.

P: Don’t tell so much! I have been an adult man of 7 years old. I promise it to you. (作自豪自信状)

K：OK. (作舒心，安慰状)

P: Fight him, kill him. Throw these bad guys into the sea…… (高声喊)

K: Xu …….. (作禁声状). Remember your promise, young adult man.

P: Oh? What promise? I have forgotten it. (作天经地义状)

K: Oh?! You are right(作理解状，因为Pirate一贯如此，出尔反尔)

P: Old King. I give you an honorable mission. (作自豪状) Be my horse, and I will ride on your back , let’s help these people in dangerous situation, just like a brave knight.(作勇敢状)

K: What! Ride on my back! Be your horse!!(作惊异状)

P: Yes, your hearing is very good, any question? (作若无其事状)

K: No, No, sound a good idea! Very good! You are a brave Pirate. Now come on my back. (作无奈状)

P: (作高兴状，作跃上马背状) Hei! Let’s go! Kill all those bad men. Quick! Run quick! ....... (意气风发状)

(M,F携手进场):搞笑小品剧本

P: Oh, my god! Mummy, Daddy! (A,D作慌忙状，挡在电视机前)

M: Dad, what are you doing!? Naughty Pirate, isn’t your trick!? (作气愤状)

P:(作阳痿状) Mummy, it’s not my fault. Old king let me massage his back. Hei Hei (作心虚状，以掩饰内心的恐惧)

M: I don’t believe it. (作严肃状) Dad, isn’t really that? (询问K)

K: Yes, of course, I can’t image a child only 5 year old, can massage so good. Oh……. (释然状，因为圆了我的谎)

M: Really. I don’t believe the litter pirate can massage, who taught him. (作怀疑状) Dear, isn’t you ?

F: No, I haven’t, but I decide to enjoy his massage another day, Do you think so, dear?

M: Yes, really a good suggestion.

(P，D作惊恐状。A：发抖，D：挥汗)

(P挡着电视怕被M、F发现，K也为P作掩饰)

P: Mummy, Do you feel a little cold?

K: Yes, I can feel it. (边挥汗边说冷)

M: No, it’s summer. Really hot, do you catch cold?

P: No, No, just my feeling. (更加发抖，一不小心被B看到了电视)

M: Pirate, what’s behind you? (疑问状)

P: Oh, nothing, nothing! (作惊恐状)

M: Move away .little Pirate! (作气愤状)

P: Oh no! The storm will come. (捂脸作害怕状)

M: Caribbean Pirate! What’s a bad film! Little Pirate!? (气愤状)

P: Mummy, I surrender. (作投降状)

M: Daddy ,this film is unfit for him , it is full of killing，force and negative passion, and it will let him become bad !

K: I know that, but I meat to let him watch Tom and Jerry and he like it very much. Yes? Pirate? (想转移话题与Pirate站在同一战线)

P: Yes, a very clever mouse and a stupid cat. (作博学状)

M: Dad, don’t let him watch so much TV, it wastes a lot of time, and it is bad for his eyesight. He may become short-sighted. (诚恳状)

小品：“不差钱”

(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目)

Got the Money Anyway(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。)

(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)

Uncle Zhao Here we are. 赵本山：到了。

Yadar Here we are. 毛毛： 到了。

Uncle Zhao It's the most expensive restrant in Tieling:苏格兰 调情~~~

赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情(tiáo qíng)。 Yadar You got it wrong –苏格兰情调!!

毛毛： 爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调(qíng diào)。

Uncle Zhao 情调(qíng diào) All right, . We're gonna have our meal here anyway. 赵本山：啊，情调?就搁这儿吃。

Yadar But it's very expensive. 毛毛： 爷爷，这家老贵的啦。 Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag? 赵本山：贵?咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢?

Yadar What bag? 毛毛： 我没拿包啊。

Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.

赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。

Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed. 毛毛： 完了，让我落炕上了。

Uncle Zhao oh,what can I do? I do all this just for you ,how could you forget it! Any money left on you?

赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗?!这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗?

Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.

毛毛： 兜里，多少钱哪才?才70多块钱。

Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.

赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。

Yadar Still not enough. 毛毛： 这也不能够啊。

Uncle Zhao It’s ok. Waiter!

赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员!

To Be Honest or Not to Be? by Jung-Han Chen很有意思的4人剧本，关于强烈推荐。趣味性，并且很有意义，很有水平啊。Cast Honest WoodcutterGreedy WoodcutterGreedy WoodcutterGod of the Lake--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Scene 1 The Honest Woodcutter(One day, H and G were chopping firewood together in the mountain.)H: See all this hard work we’ve been doing. It’s really difficult for us to make a living.G: Yes, I don’t know how many days we have to keep doing the same thing.Chop, chop, and chop.(At that time, his axe accidentally dropped into the lake.)H: Oh, no. My axe!G: It’s getting dark. We’d better find your axe quickly.H: Well, it’s O.K. You can go back first. If I can’t find it today, I will find it tomorrow.G: Hmm. O.K., I will see you later (going home alone).H: Aack, I should have been more careful. Now how can I find my axe?God: I am God of the Lake. You seem to have a problem? What happened?H: I dropped my axe into the lake by accident. Can you help me find it?God: No problem. It’s a piece of cake. I’ll be right back (disappearing).God: Is this gold axe yours?H: No, it’s not.God: O.K., just a second. How about this silver axe? Is it yours?H: No, it’s not mine, either.God: Then, this one?H: Yes, it’s mine. Thank you so much. You really saved my day.God: Young man, you are such an honest person. Nowadays it’s hard to find people as honest as you. Therefore, I’d like to give you both of these two axes, the gold one and the silver one, to award you for your honesty.H: Really? Aren’t you kidding?God: Of course not. We gods never lie.H: Oh, thank you so much. Today is really my lucky day. I promise I’ll work even harder. I won’t let you down.God: That’s good, young man. Good luck! Scene 2 The Greedy Woodcutter(The following day, the greedy woodcutter went to the honest woodcutter’s home.)G: Hey, you’ve got these gold and sliver axes. Where did you get them? Did you buy them? Impossible! You are even poorer than I. Or … did you pick them up somewhere?H: No way! Something incredible happened to me just after you went home yesterday afternoon, and I got these two axes.G: Something incredible? Could you tell me what exactly happened yesterday?H: Sure. Remember we were chopping the wood and I dropped my axe into the lake? I told you to go home and not to worry about me. In fact, I was worried to death because I didn’t know how to find it. I was so worried that I cried by the lake. At that moment, God of the Lake appeared suddenly, and he helped me find my ax in the lake. I was so happy when I saw the axe I lost, but something even better happened. Just before I left, the God gave me the gold and sliver axes as gifts.G: How nice. That was truly something incredible. I’d like to try my luck this afternoon to see if I can also get the gold and sliver axes.(The greedy woodcutter could hardly wait till the afternoon because he wanted very much to get the gold and sliver axes. The afternoon finally came.)G: (Dropping his axe into the lake on purpose) Oh, my God! I lost my axe. Without my axe, how could I make a living? What should I do? What should I do (crying)?God: Young man, why are you crying here?G: I accidentally dropped my axe into the lake.God: Don’t worry. Let me help you find it. I’ll be right back.(Then, the God went down to the lake, and a moment later, he showed up with a gold ax.)God: Is this your axe?G: A gold axe (very excited and happy)?! Yes, yes! This is the axe I lost earlier.God: Young man (with a long face), a good person has to be honest. Let me ask you again. Is this really yours?G: My God, I didn’t lie to you about the axe in your hand. I’m telling you the truth. The axe is mine.God: Young man (disappointed and shaking his head), it is important for you to be honest. I know you didn’t tell me the truth. So, I won’t help you. You just go.G: Why?! Why?! Why didn’t I get the gold axe? It must be Jack’s fault. He must be hiding something from me. I’ll go talk to him tomorrow and see what he’s going to say about this! Scene 3 Having a Fight(The following day…)H: What happened? What happened to your axe? Looks like you didn't get the gold and silver axes.G: (Holding the bad axe) It’s all your fault. You cheated me! Because of you, I lost my axe, and now I have to use this old one. You have to get me a new one or you'll be in big trouble.H: I don't think so. You are too greedy; that's why you lost your axe. You deserved it.G: What!? I dare you to say that again.H: You deserved it.G: One more time!H: You deserved it.G: You brought this on yourself.(G pushed H and H tried to push him back. But H got caught.)H: Let me go! Let me go!G: O.K. There you go (pushing H into the lake).H: Help! Help! I don’t wanna die. I will give you my gold and silver axes.G: Really? But I’ve got an even better idea. If you die, both of your axes will be mine. Ha, ha, ha!H: Don't let me die! I have to support my family you know. I have an 80-year-old mother, 7 wives, and 12 children.G: Don't worry. I'll take care of all your wives, but…not your mother or your children.H: You will be caught for this. God won't let you get away with this.(Thunder in the sky and big waves in the lake…)G: O.K., O.K., (getting cold feet) I'll help you right away. Hang in there.(Looking for and finding a stick nearby) Hold on to it.(But the stick hit right on H's head by accident.)H: Ah (going straight down into the lake)!G: I didn't mean it. I swear I didn't mean it. I was just trying to help him.(In the lake…H sank in coma, but showing a smiling face as if he had seen a lot of gold.)God: Isn't that the honest young man I gave the gold and silver axes the other day? Why are you here?H: I missed you, so I jumped into the lake.God: Very cold! It's not funny! Speak the truth.H: O.K.! In fact, I was pushed into the lake by my friend.God: Do you wish me to punish him?H: No, thanks. After I dropped into the lake, he tried to help me, but he was too clumsy and his stick hit me by accident. I'll forgive him.God: What a nice man you are. I almost want to give you a good person certificate.H: I really appreciate your kind words.God: He's so lucky to have such a great friend. O.K., I'll forgive him this time. Scene 4 A Warm ReunionG: Jack, I didn’t do it on purpose. Don’t blame me. It was really not my fault. God, please bless him (worshiping).(God of the Lake showed up.)God: Did you really not intend to hurt him?G: Of course not! I just envied that he got the gold and the silver axes. Anyway, I was just very angry, but there was no evil intention, not at all. I swear (raising his hand).God: Then, what do you think of him?G: Although he was a little stubborn, he was honest and kind-hearted. He was a friend who was worth having. In fact, I miss him a lot.(H showed up.)H: I ‘m glad you didn’t let me down. I know you were not a bad person. You just lost your head because of your greed.G: Jack, is that really you? Oh, thank God! You didn’t die. That’s great!God: Ha, ha, ha! This is really something that makes people happy. Since you two made up with each other, it‘s time for me (waving his hand)…One, two, three, sleep.(H and G fell asleep by the Lade. The following morning…)G: Hey ~ wake up! Wake up. It’s morning already!H: Oh...Good morning. Look! There are a pair of gold axes and a pair of silver axes (checking them out). Here’s also a note.G: Let me see. It’s from the God of the Lake. It says, “In order to celebrate that you two become good friends again, I decided to give each of you a gold axe and a silver axe so that you won’t have any more fight. Work hard and have a nice life.” H: We are so lucky. So, how about working hard with me?G: I don’t see why not!H: It’s a deal. Let’s work hard side by side.G: And…let’s be HONEST.Both: Yeah, indeed. “Honesty is the best policy

imidity, of the appetite for