双人英语笑话

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了.Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子.The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 "乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。 "妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

好的--------1．DoYouKnowMyWork？Onenightahotelcaughtfire，andthepeoplewhowerestayinginitranoutintheirnightclothes．Twomenstoodoutsideandlookedatthefire．“BeforeIcameout，”saidone，“Iranintosomeoftheroomsandfoundalotofmoney．Peopledon'tthinkofmoneywhenthey'reafraid．Whenanyoneleavespapermoneyinafire，thefireburnsit．SoItookallthebillsthatIcouldfind．NoonewillbepoorerbecauseItookthem．”“Youdon'tknowmywork，”saidtheother．“Whatisyourwork？”“I'mapoliceman．“Oh！”criedthefirstman．Hethoughtquicklyandsaid，“Anddoyouknowmywork？”“No，”saidthepoliceman．“I'mawriter．I'malwaystellingstoriesaboutthingsthatneverhappened．”译文：（自己简单翻译）你知道我是干什么的吗？一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。两个人站在外面，看着大火。“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。“你是干什么的？”“我是警察。”“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”

I Never Work after Supper 我饭后从不工作A penny-pinching farmer didn’t want his hired hand to stop working. One morning, he told the farmhand, “It’s such a nuisance to come in from the field, wash up for lunch and take time to eat. Why don’t we save time and eat lunch now?”一位农场主非常吝啬，不想让他雇佣的帮手停下来休息。一天早上，他对帮手说：“从地里回来，又要洗手吃饭，又花时间，真是太不方便了。我们何不省点时间，现在就吃午饭呢？”The hired man agreed. The farm’s wife brought in some cold meat and fried potatoes, and the two men ate again.雇员同意了。农场主的妻子端进来一些冷肉和油炸土豆。于是，两个人又开始吃起来。When they had finished, the cheap farmer said, “While we’re still at the table, let’s have supper too.”They were now served steak, boiled potatoes and mixed vegetables, and they ate once more.吃完后，吝啬鬼说：“既然我们还在桌子边，让我们连晚饭也吃了吧。”这次上桌的有排骨、煮土豆和杂烩青菜。于是两个人又吃起来。“Now that the meals are out of the way, ” the farmer announced, “we can go out and work all day without interruption. ”“现在三顿饭都吃过了，”农场主宣称道，“我们便可以出去一整天不停地干活了。”“Oh, no,” the farmhand answered. “I never work after supper.”“哦，不，”那帮手回答说，“晚饭后我从不工作。”英语单词:penny-pinching n. 小气adj. 小气的，吝啬的nuisance n. 讨厌的人；损害；麻烦事；讨厌的东西boil n. 沸腾，煮沸vt. 煮沸，烧开；使…激动；使…蒸发interruption n. 中断；干扰；中断之事 不好还有。。。

A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage."Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!""Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back."You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."

医院里传来新生儿的笑声，医生们很奇怪，掰开刚出生的婴儿紧紧握着的拳头。看到了一片药丸。这时婴儿开口说话了：妈的，想干掉我，没那么容易。

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