冰比冰水冰1025
英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.这个答案很有意思吧? Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思. Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的.你说呢? Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面. Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉.虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了. 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人. -- 他真是一个大人物.干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人. 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元.在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假. 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票.这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的.” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我的小狗丢了！史米斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不读。
追梦小顽童
Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor's."What's the matter with you",asked the doctor."I have been broken all!",said the fool ."Broken all,what's it mean?",the doctor was surprised.Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"……The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger"从前，有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生很疑惑。接着，那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛，我的头伤了。”接着，有指着背，鼻子，说它们都伤了。那医生想了一会儿，说：“你的手指伤了。”
蛋塔阿姨
英语笑话带翻译100
Correct
Teacher: Jimmy, what are the three words which pupils use most often at school?
Jimmy: I don’t know...
Teacher: Correct.
很对
教师：吉米，学生在学校里经常用的三个字是什么?
吉米：不知道……
老师：很对。
Who do you think you are?
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
“I am the driver.” he said.
你以为你是谁?
公共汽车上很挤，当又一个人还是试图上车时，乘客们不让他上。
“车上太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁?”
“我是司机!”他说。
To Buy a Video
Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
"I’m afraid we can’t afford one," sighed his mother.
But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
"How on earth did you pay for that?" gasped his mother.
"Easy, Mum." replied Amos, "I sold the television!"
买录像机
艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。
”恐怕我们还买不起，“妈妈叹息着说。
可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的'录像机。
”你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西?“妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。
”妈妈，这简单，“ 艾曼斯回答。”我把电视机给卖了!"
feiyeping001
Violin Lessons"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased. "You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin. "I'll play every day, Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard. "All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons." "0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair. He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise. The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father. She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy. "Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin. She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise. Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears. When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons." Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said. "Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!" 小提琴课 “爸爸，我能学拉小提琴吗？”小莎拉问她的父亲。她总是要东西，因此她爸爸很不高兴。 “你花了我很多钱，莎拉，”他说，“开始你想学骑马，然后想学跳舞，然后是游泳。现在又想学拉小提琴。” “我会每天都拉的，爸爸，”莎拉说，“我会认真练的。” “好吧，”她爸爸说。“下面是我要做的：我会为你付六个星期的小提琴课的钱，六个星期后你必须拉首曲子给我听。如果你拉得很好，你可以继续上小提琴课，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再学了。” “行。爸爸，”莎拉说，“这很公平。” 他很快就找到了一个好的小提琴老师，莎拉就开始学拉提琴了。尽管学费很高，但她爸爸遵守了诺言。 六个星期很快就过去了。该莎拉拉提琴给爸爸听了。 她走进起居室说：“我准备好拉提琴给你听了。” “好哇，莎拉，”她爸爸说。“开始吧。” 她开始拉了。她拉得很差，发出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂着耳朵。 莎拉拉完一曲，她父亲说：“拉得好，莎拉。你可以继续学琴了。” 莎拉高兴地跑出门去。她父亲的朋友对他说：“你已经花了不少钱了，但她还是拉得很差。” “噢，的确如此，”她爸爸说，“但自从她开始学小提琴，我就可以很便宜地买下这幢楼的五个公寓。再过六周，我就可以拥有整幢楼啦！” 希望采纳！
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