养啥啥不活
1．we two who and who？ 咱俩谁跟谁阿 2.how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？ 03．you don`t bird me,I don`t bird you 你不鸟我，我也不鸟你 04．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！ 你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！ 05．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home 有事起奏，无事退朝 06．you me you me 彼此彼此 07．You Give Me Stop 你给我站住！ 08．know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知... 09．WATCH SISTER 表妹 10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse'son can make hole!! 龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！ 11．American Chinese not enough 美中不足 12．one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die 车祸现场描述 13．heart flower angry open 心花怒放 14．go past no mistake past 走过路过，不要错过 15．小明：I am sorry! 老外：I am sorry too! 小明：I am sorry three! 老外：What are you sorry for? 小明：I am sorry five! 请看下面有关中式英语的小笑话 1．we two who and who! 咱俩谁跟谁啊！ 2．how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你？怎么老是你？ 3．you have seed，I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！ 你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们！一起上！ 4．as far as you go to die！ 有多远死多远！ 5．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!! 有事起奏，无事退朝 ！！ 6．you me you me 彼此彼此 7．You Give Me Stop!! 你给我站住！ ！ 8．know is know ，noknow is noknow... 知之为知之，不知为不知… 9．WATCH SISTER 表妹 10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’son can make hole!! 龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！ 11.．I give you face you don’t wanna face,you lose your face ,I turn myface 给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸 12．one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die 车祸现场描述 13．heart flower angry open 心花怒放 14．go past no mistake past 走过路过，不要错过 15．小明：I am sorry! 老外：I am sorry too! 小明：I am sorry three! 老外：What are you sorry for? 小明：I am sorry five! 16．If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I have one! 要钱没有，要命一条 17．I call Li old big. toyear 25. 我叫李老大，今年25。 18．you have two down son 你有两下子。 19.好好学习，天天向上： good good study,day day up! 20、Open the door see mountain 开门见山 21、five flowers eight doors 五花八门 22、people mountain people sea 人山人海 23、Un-ding-able 顶不住了 24、You go see see 你去看看. 25、Moon under old man 月下老人 26.many people die, no see you die. 咁多人死唔见你死。 27.die away 死开 28.If you no three no four, I give you some color to see see! 如果你不三不四，我给你点颜色看看。 29.Ask what ask! 问什么问！see what see 看什么看！laugh what laugh 笑什么笑！ 30. 雇主：how much do you want a month? 你一个月要多少钱? 保姆：800 yuan,eat you, sleep you. 800块，吃你的，住你的。 问题来了，那么管吃管住怎么说? 31. 有个朋友来加拿大第一次去吃牛排，服务员问:“How would you like your steak done?”(您的牛排要几分熟?) 我朋友没听懂，就听别人点的时候说“Medium”, 他就想我不能跟他们学。 他就跟服务员说：“Large， please?” 服务员一愣，说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.” 然后他又说：“Small， please?” 服务员又吓了一跳，说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.” 他身边的朋友着急了，告诉他，人家问你牛排要几分熟，他恍然大悟，想了想说：“Eighty percent(百分之八十熟).” 服务员又一愣说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.” 问题来了，那么牛肉的5分熟、7分熟、全熟怎么说? 32. 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来中式英语闹出的笑话段子中式英语闹出的笑话段子。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去? 小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊! 问题来了，那么文中的go ahead是什么意思? 33. 刚上班不久，有个公司的A/R(Account Receivable会计)打电话来催支票，我循例问了一下他是哪间公司打来的中式英语闹出的笑话。 那男的很有礼貌的说：“This is XXXcalling from Beach Brother.'' 听懂了很开心，不过由于对公司名字还不熟，心想先用笔记下来公司名，省得等下忘记了。 正得意忘形之间，顺嘴开始拼写人家公司的名字，还说得一本正经： ''B.I.T.C.H......bitch,correct?'' 那男的终于还是没能忍住怒火，近似于怒吼似的对我喊道： ''NO!!!B.E.A.C.H.....BEACH!!!'' 接下来的一年里，没再跟这间公司有过任何生意往来…… 这个笑话你看懂了吗? 34. 小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。 小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see. 老外回答说：sorry I don’t understand your English. 小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文....... 怎么说“站票”? 35. 某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男久思，毅然下笔：“Once a week”中式英语闹出的笑话段子笑话大全。 签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.” 该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”。 官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?” 男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.” 文中的“sex”是什么意思? 整理：zhl201612
爆米花也是花
英语笑话带中文
最有魅力的人是“康师傅”每天都有成千上万的人泡他。以下为您带来英语笑话带中文，欢迎浏览!
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"
中文翻译：
维尔和比尔在争吵，谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。维尔说：“你知道太平洋吗?那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”
比尔不屑地说：“那没什么。你知道死海吗? 那是我爸爸打死的。”
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, and then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
一个生意人走进一家酒馆，在吧台坐下，点了一杯加冰的双料martini。喝完，那生意人往自己衬衣的口袋里瞥了一眼，然后又让服务员把杯子满上。
After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
喝完，生意人又往自己衬衣的口袋里瞥了一眼，然后又让服务生帮他把杯子满上。
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
这时酒馆的服务生说话了，“呃，老兄，我整个晚上给你倒martini都没有问题，但你得告诉我，你为什么在点下一杯酒前都要往自己衬衣的口袋里偷偷看那么一眼”。
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
生意人回答，“我看的是我老婆的`一张照片。如果照片上的人开始变得好看起来，那就说明我喝得差不多了，该回家了。”
Little boy: Daddy, I want to get married.
Father jokingly said: Oh! Who did you have in mind?
Little boy: Grandma.
Father: Wait a minute, you did not think I'd let you marry my mother, did you?
Little boy: Why not? You married mine.
中文翻译：
小男孩：爸爸，我想结婚。
爸爸打趣地问道：噢!谁是你心中合适的人选?
小男孩：奶奶。
爸爸：等一下，你认为我会让你娶我的妈妈?
小男孩：为什么不?你娶了我的妈妈。
Two old friends got together after many years and soon fell to discussing their husbands' faults.
"We've been married fifteen years," one woman said, "and every night after dinner my husband always complains about the food."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the other. "Does it bother you?"
"Why should it bother me?" her friend replied. "if he can't only stand his own cooking?"
现代生活
两个老朋友分别多年之后又见面了，很快就开始谈起各自丈夫的缺点。
“我们结婚十五年了，”一个妇女说道，“每天晚饭后，我丈夫总要抱怨饭菜。”
“真可恶!”另一个惊呼道。“难道你不烦吗?”
“我烦什么?”她的朋友答道。“他不过是忍受不了自己的烹调技术。”
