天龙过江
在日常繁忙的生活，也不要忘记了放松自己。下面我为大家带来经典幽默英语故事三则，希望大家喜欢!
经典幽默英语故事：先买票
Joke told by Peter Jennings, on last night, attributed as "typical Russian Humor":
昨晚，彼德·金宁斯给我们讲了一个典型的俄国式幽默故事:
Two Russians are standing in a very long line for vodka. The first one says, "This line is too long! We must always wait for everything! I am going to go to the Kremlin and shoot Gorbachev!”
两个俄国人正在排队买伏特加酒。一个人说:“这队太长了!我们为什么做什么事情都要等呢?我现在就去克里姆林宫枪毙戈尔巴乔夫!”
After about an hour, he returns.
一个小时之后，他回来了。
The second Russian asks him, "Well，did you shoot him!”
另一个俄国人问他:“你射中他了吗?”
"No, the line was too long!”
“没有，队伍太长了!”
经典幽默英语故事：一个醉汉的忏悔
A priest was hearing a woman’s confession When a drunk stumbled into the booth on the opposite side. As the priest was finishing with her he heard the drunk groaning as if in quite some pain. He slid open the other panel and asked "Are you ok?" All he heard was another groan. He asked again and the drunk finally replied, "Yeah, I feel lots better. Do you have any toilet paper on your side?"
一位牧师正在听一个妇女的忏悔，这时一个醉汉跌跌撞撞的走进了牧师另一边的暗箱。当牧师结束倾听那个妇女的忏悔以后他听到那个醉汉在 *** ，那声音好像是很痛苦的样子。牧师把另一边暗箱的门拉开问:“你没事吧?”这时他又听到了一声 *** 。他又问了一遍后那个醉汉回答:“没事，我感觉好多了。你那边有手纸没有?”
经典幽默英语故事：可怜的建筑工人
A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks up the bar and sets on down. He proceeds to order a beer for himself and for the little Leprechaun. Well, the guy and the Leprechaun drink about two beers when finally the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy' s shoulder, trots down the bar and stands in front of a rather large construction worker. He looks at the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbttttttt" right to the big guy's face.
一个男人和他肩上的小精灵一起走进了酒吧。他走到吧台前坐下，然后为自己和他肩上的小精灵点了两杯啤酒。他们喝完了两杯啤酒之后，小精灵从那个男人的肩上跳下来跑到了吧台的另一边，站在了一个大块头的建筑工人面前。小精灵看着那个建筑工人，正对着他的脸说:“呸呸呸。”
Well the Leprechaun trots on back and hops back onto his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is a little ticked, but decides to shine on this breach of manners.
之后那个小精灵跑回了带他来的那个男人的肩上。那个建筑工人有一点生气，但是出于礼貌就没动声色。
After another beer and a half though，the Leprechaun hops down and again goes in front of the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbbttt" to the construction workers face.
又喝了一两杯后，那个小精灵又从那人肩上跳下来，到那个建筑工人面前对着他的脸说:“呸呸呸。”
The Leprechaun trots on back and hops back on his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is visibly bothered，but decides not to do anything again.
之后那个小精灵又跑回了带他来的那个男人的肩上。很显然，那个建筑工人看上去已经很烦了，但还是决定不采取任何行动。
Well sure enough，the guy and the Leprechaun drink another beer. Soon enough the Leprechaun hops down trots in front of the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbbtttl" to his face. Well, this time the big guy has had enough of the little guy's manners and walks over to the fellow with the Leprechaun, again on his shoulder.
那人和小精灵又喝了一杯后，小精灵又做了同样的事情，到那个建筑工人前面对着他的脸说:“呸呸呸。”这回那个大块头再也忍不了那个男人和小精灵的行为了，于是就跟着那个小精灵来到了那个男人面前。
The construction worker tells this man, "If your little friend does that again，1' m going to cut off his little dick!” The fellow tells the big guy，"Well Leprechauns don't have dicks. ”The big guy asks, "Well how does he go pee?" The fellow with the Leprechaun on his shoulder looks at the big guy and goes, "ppppphhhhbbbbtttttt!”
那个建筑工人对他们说:“如果你的那个小朋友再那么做的话，我就把他给阉了!”那个男人告诉建筑工人说:“可惜，他没有那玩意儿。”那个建筑工人说:“那么他怎么上厕所?”那个肩上驼著小精灵的男人看着那个大块头建筑工人告诉他:“呸呸呸。”
夏天可乐冰
下面是我整理的10个经典英语幽默 故事 ，欢迎大家阅读!
英语幽默故事1.
When I checked on to a hotel in my last visit to the U.S.A., the receptionist said: “ Do you want a room with a shower or a bath?”
Thinking of the money, I asked, “ What’s the difference?”
“Well, “ he said, “ with a shower, you have to stand up.”
英语幽默故事2.
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. “ I feel terrible,” she said. “ I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seam of your trousers.”
“Forget it,” consoled her husband. “”Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. “ And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.
英语幽默故事3.
The new bank teller was given a package of dollar bills with the instruction to count them and see if there were a hundred. He counted up to fifty-eight and then threw the bundle down.
“ Why did you stop?” asked the bank manager
” If it’s right this far, said the teller, “ It’s probably right all the way.”
英语幽默故事4.
Landlady: An inventor once had this room. He invented an explosive.
New Lodger: Oh, I suppose those spots on the ceiling are the explosives.
L: No, that’s the inventor.
英语幽默故事5.
Plumber: I’m sorry I’m late, but I just couldn’t get here any sooner.
M: Well, no time’s been wasted. While we were waiting for you, I taught my wife how to swim.
英语幽默故事6.
M: There are two slices of pie in the cupboard this morning and now there’s only one. Can you explain that?
S: It was so dark, I didn’t see the other slice.
英语幽默故事7.
In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, “ What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?”
“ To be deaf,” replied the boy.”
“ Nonsense!” said the teacher angrily.
“ Why, sir! Don’t you know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?” the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
英语幽默故事8.
A newspaper boy was selling newspapers in the street. He kept shouting at the top of his voice: “ Read all about it! A big swindling case! Eighty-two persons were swindled!” His curiosity aroused, a man went over and bought a copy. He searched through it and couldn’t find anything about the swindling case. Then he heard the newspaper boy shout: “ Read all about it! A big swindling case! Eighty-three persons were swindled!”
英语幽默故事9.
Five-year-old Tommy is fascinated by planes, and rushed outside every time he hears one to watch it until it becomes a speck in the distance. So when he finally had the chance to fly for the first time, he is pop-eyed with excitement. About ten minutes after take-off, he asks expectantly, “ When do we start to get smaller, Mummy?”
英语幽默故事10.
A man was told by his physician that he had only six months to live. “ Doc,” he said, “ is there anything I can do?”
“ Yes,” replied the doctor. “ First, give all your possessions to the poor. Next, move to a cold-water shack in the backwoods. And then marry a woman with nine young children.”
“ Will this give me more time?”
“ No-- but it’ll be the longest six months in your life!”
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