丁国栋3
民间笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事类型,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。本文是很短的英语笑话小故事，希望对大家有帮助!
A father picks up his son after school and asks him how his day has been.
"Great dad, today they give me my part at the school play", says the boy.
"Really? and what do you play?" asks the father.
"I play a man who has been married for twenty years".
"That's nice son", says the father, "you do a good work and one day the'll give you a speaking role".
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol.
This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy
by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
It was little Michael's first visit to the country, and feeding the chickens fascinated him.
Early one morning, Michael caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting around in the yard. Rushing indoors excitedly, Michael looked for his grandmother.
"Oh, Granny," he exclaimed, "one of the chickens is in bloom!"
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
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It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去见医生的前一天，我的情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.
"That does it,”she said.“I'm canceling your appointment."
她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle. I pray for a new toy."
两个小男孩在祖父母家过夜。睡觉的时候，两个小男孩跪在床边开始祈祷，这时小一些的孩子扯开嗓子大声喊道：“我祈求得到一辆自行车。我祈求有一个新玩具。”
His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
他的哥哥靠过来，用肘轻碰他说：“你为什么这么大声喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
弟弟回答说：“是的，但是奶奶听不到呀！”
A tourist passing through South Dakota stopped at a blood bank to make a donation. Afterward，he was resting on a cot and saw another donor, who appeared to be a Native American.
有个旅行者在穿越南达科这州时，在一家肤血站献了血.献血后他坐在一张小床上休息。这时，他见到另一个人前来献血.那个人看起来好像是美国的本土人。这个旅行家于是就和他攀谈起来。“你是不是住在路那边的苏族印地安人保护区?”
The tourist struck up a conversation and asked,”Do you live on the Sioux reservation up the road?"
“没错儿。”那人回答.
"Yes，"the man replied.
“你是百分之百血统的苏族印地安人吗?”
"Are you a full-blooded Sioux?"
“噢，不能完全这么说?. "那人说:“我现在就缺少了一品脱的血.”
"Well，actually，no，"said the man. "Right now I'm a pint low. "
After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.
我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的`林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受。
What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."
我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡，乏味，一进入密西根，除了树什么都没有。”
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的。
Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"
最后她问：“爷爷，是上帝创造的你吗？”
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。”
"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"
“喔。”她回答。接着又问道：“爷爷，上帝也创造了我吗？”
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你。”
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
“喔。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？”
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning,
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，
he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
他叫我让座给一位女士。”
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
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