英文误会笑话简短

A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It's too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?” The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don't think it's necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?” His wife was very angry at this. “How lazy you are!” She shouted, “To tell you the truth, I turned it over last week.”

1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。" DID YOUR DAD... 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." 5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” 6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing! 开车 父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。 7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。” 9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

A Special LunchRogers and Simon were Americans.They once traveled in Spain.One day they stopped at a little restaurant for lunch.They did not speak Spanish,and the waiter did not understand American English,either.They wanted the waiter to understand that they asked for milk and bread.At first Roggers read the word "milk"many times.Then Simon spelled it on the table.But teh waiter could not understand them at all.At last,Roggers took out a piece of paper and began to draw a cow.The waiter looked at it and ran out of the restaurant."How clever you are!"Simon said to Roggers,"He understood us at last!"After some tinme,the waiter came back,he brought no milk with him,but instead two tickets for a bull-fight.译文：一顿特别的午餐罗杰斯和西蒙是美国人，一次他们来到巴西旅游。一天去一家小饭店吃饭，他们不懂西班牙语，那个服务员也不懂英语。他们想让服务员明白他们想要牛奶和面包。起初，罗杰斯把“牛奶”这个单词念了好多遍，然后西蒙又把这个词写在桌子上。但是服务员一点也不懂。最后，罗杰斯拿出一张纸，在上面画了一头奶牛。看过那画，服务员跑出了饭店。“你真聪明啊！”西蒙对罗杰斯说，“他终于明白了！”过了一会儿，那服务员回来了，不过没有带来牛奶，而是两张观看斗牛的票。以上，完毕

有一外宾到一中国商店购物，售货员问：您买啥？外宾说：pen.售货员拿一脸盆给外宾。外宾道：No.售货员答：新的，不漏！

意大利人在美国餐馆One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast... she brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces"（发音不标准，侍者听成了to piss）She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate". She say to me: "you better not piss on the plate, you son of a bitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a son of a bitch!!Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings me a Spoon and a knife but no fork. I tell her "I wanna a fork" （侍者听成fuck）and she tell me: "everyone wanna fuck". I tell her "you don't understand me...I wannafork on the table". She say: "you better not fuck on the table You son of a bitch.",So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet"（侍者听成了shit）. He tell me: “Go to the toilet.” I say "you don't understand, wanna a sheet on my bed". He say: "you better not shit on the bed, you son of a bitch".I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said "peace on you". And I say: "Piss on you too, you son of a bitch". I gonna back to Italy.Have fun!