山寨天后
下面是我整理的英语幽默小对话，欢迎大家阅读!
英语幽默小对话1：
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
Girl: Yes, that's what he did.
Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...
Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
英语幽默小对话2：
A: You really like my stupid jokes?
B: Yes, they just tear me up! You have such a dry sense of humor and you keep such a straight face that it takes minutes for the joke to dawn on me.
A: Yes, well such jokes aren’t funny if the wisecracker laughs. My father was a great jokester. It sometimes took hours for me and my brother to get the joke.
A: 你真的喜欢我讲的这些愚蠢的笑话吗?
B: 是的，它们都快让我肚皮笑破了!你还真能装，板着个脸，我是过了一会儿才领悟你的笑话的。
A: 讲俏皮话的人自己先笑了，就没意思了。我爸可会讲笑话了，有的时候我和我哥得花上半天功夫才能明白过来。
英语幽默小对话3：
男: This seat empty?(这个座位是空的吧?)
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)【我立马走人】
男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?)
女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)【我不想和你有任何交集】
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?)
女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】
男：Can I have your name?(我能知道你的名字吗?)
女：Why? Don''t you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?)
男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)【长的真丑】
男：I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。)
女：Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】
宇宙无敌的猫
对于国内以外的人日常生活中会进行什么样的对话，大家应该都抱有一定的好奇心吧?下面是我给大家整理的简单的英语小对话，供大家参阅!
简单的英语小对话：询问职业
ANY: This is Jane Guinn. She's driver, too.
MARTIN: Hello, Jane. I'm happy to meet you.
AMY: And this is Dinah Cosby. She's a supervisor.
MARTIN: We've met.
AMY: This is Raj Sharma.
MARTIN: We've met, too. Thanks.
MELANIE: Good morning, Bill. How are you?
BILL: Fine, thanks. How are you?
MELANIE: Fine, thanks. Bill, this is Martin Learner. He's a reporter.
BILL: Hello. I'm happy to meet you.
MARTIN: Good morning. I'm happy to meet you, too. What do you do?
MELANIE: He's a grinder.
MARTIN: Pardon?
MELANIE: He's a grinder.
MELANIE: Come outside. This is Joe.
MARTIN: Pardon?
MELANIE: This is Joe.
MARTIN: Pardon?
MELANIE: This is Joe.
简单的英语小对话： On an Outing
MELANIE: Martin! Good morning. How are you?
MARTIN: Hello. I'm fine thanks. How are you?
MELANIE: Fine, thanks. This is Dan Booth. Dan, this is Martin Learner.
MARTIN: Hello.
DAN: Good morning. What do you do, Martin?
MARTIN: I'm a reporter. What do you do?
DAN: I'm an engineer.
MELANIE: We're both engineers.
MARTIN: Wonderful.
MELANIE: This is Yuzen Yang.
MARTIN: Yuzen?
YUZEN: Yuzen Yang.
MARTIN: Please write if for me. Oh. Yuzen Yang. Thank you.
YUZEN: What do you do. Mr Learner?
MARTIN: I'm a reporter. What do you do?
YUZEN: I'm a teacher.
DEBBIE: Hello, Martin.
MARTIN: Good morning. How are you?
DEBBIE: Fine, thanks. How are you?
MARTIN: Fine, thanks.
DEBBIE: This is Peter.
PETER: We've met. I'm Peter Greer.
MARTIN: You're an accountant.
PETER: Yes. How are you?
MARTIN: Fine, thanks.
PETER: This is Dr Parmeggiani.
C.K.: C.K.Parmeggiani.C.K.is fine.
MARTIN: I'm happy to meet you. Please write it for me.
梅勒妮：马丁!早上好。你好吗?
马 丁：你好。我很好，谢谢。你好吗?
梅勒妮：很好。谢谢。这是丹·布斯。丹，这是马丁·勒纳。
马 丁：你好。
丹 ：早上好，你做什么工作，马丁?
马 丁：我是记者，你做什么工作?
丹 ：我是工程师。
梅勒妮：我们俩都是工程师。
马 丁：太好了。
梅勒妮：这是杨宇真。
马 丁：宇真?
宇 真：杨宇真。
马 丁：请给我写出来。哦，杨宇真。谢谢你。
宇 真：你做什么工作，勒纳先生。
马 丁：我是记者。你做什么工作?
宇 真：我是教师。
黛 比：你好，马丁。
马 丁：早上好，你好吗?
黛 比：很好，谢谢，你好吗?
马 丁：很好，谢谢。
黛 比：这是彼得。
彼 得：我们见过面。我叫彼得·格里厄。
马 丁：你是会计。
彼 得：对，你好吗?
马 丁：很好，谢谢。
彼 得：这是帕尔马吉阳尼博士。
C K：CK·帕尔马吉阳尼，就叫我C.K.好了。
马 丁：幸会。请为我写出来吧。
珍珍zero
况 (一) 打电话的人找的是你自己 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) Is Daisy there? (Daisy 在吗?) Speaking. 我就是。 This is she. 我就是。 (注: 男的用 "This is he.") You're speaking/talking to her. 你正在跟她说话。 (注: 男的用 "You're speaking/talking to him.") This is Daisy. 我就是 Daisy。 That's me. 我就是。 情况 (二) 打电话的人要找的人不在 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) May I speak to Mr. Gates? (请问 Gates 先生在吗?) He's not here right now. 他现在不在这里。 He's out. 他出去了。 He's in a meeting right now. 他现在正在开会。 You've just missed him. 你刚好错过他了。 He's just stepped out. 他刚好出去了。 情况 (三) 打电话的人要找的人不在, 问对方是否要留言 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) Can I talk to Mark? (我可以跟 Mark 讲话吗?) He's out on his lunch break right now. Would you like to leave a message? 他出去吃午饭了, 你要留言吗? He's not available right now. Can I take a message? 他不在, 我可以帮你传话吗? 情况 (四) 打电话的人问他要找的人何时回来 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) Do you know when he will be back? 你知道他什么时候会回来吗? I'm sorry. I don't know. 抱歉, 我不知道。 I have no idea. 我不知道。 He should be back in 20 minutes. 他应该二十分钟内会回来。 情况 (五) 打电话的人问他要找的人在哪里 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) Do you have any idea where he is? 你知道他在哪里吗? Sorry. I don't know. 抱歉, 我不知道。 He's at work right now. Do you want his phone number? 他现在在上班。你要不要他的电话号码? 情况 (六) 打电话的人要找的人不在, 愿意接受对方的留言 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) Can I leave a message? 我可以留个话? Yes. Go ahead, please. 可以, 请继续。 Of course. Hold on for just a second so I can grab a pen and paper. 当然, 稍等一下让我拿个纸笔。 Sure, if you can excuse me for just a second. Let me find a piece of paper to write it down. 当然, 如果你可以等我一下下, 让我找张纸写下来。 情况 (七) 接受对方留言时听不清楚, 希望对方重复 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) When he comes back, can you have him call me at (206) 5551212? 他回来后, 能不能让他打 (206) 5551212 这个号码给我? Can you repeat again, please? 能不能请你再重复一次? (Say) Again, please? 再说一次好吗? Pardon? 抱歉。(请再说一次) Come again, please? 再说一次好吗? I'm sorry? 抱歉。(请再说一次) 情况 (八) 对方希望留话, 怕听错了, 不想接受对方的留言 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) May I leave a message? 我能否留个话? You know what? My English is not that great, and I don't want to miss anything. Would you mind calling back later? I'm sorry. 你知道吗? 我的英文不是非常好, 我不想听错话。你介意稍后再打来吗? 我很抱歉。 If you don't mind, could you please call back and leave a message on the answering machine? My English is not very good. 如果你不介意的话, 能否请你再打一次, 然后在录音机上留言? 我的英文不是很好。 情况 (九) 打电话的人要找的人是别人, 请对方稍等 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) Is Brandon there? Brandon 在吗? Yes, he is. One moment, please. 他在。请稍等。 Hold, please. 请稍等。 Hold on, please. 请稍等。 Let me see if he's here. Hang on. O.K.? 我看看他在不在。等一下, 好吗? 情况 (十) 对方打错电话 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) Can I speak to Alexander Walker? 我可以和 Alexander Walker 说话吗? Alexander Walker? I'm sorry, but there's nobody here by this name. Alexander Walker? 抱歉, 这里没这个人。 I'm sorry. I'm afraid you've got the wrong number. 抱歉, 恐怕你打错电话了。 What number did you dial? 你打几号? 情况 (十一) 跟对方要求跟(打电话的人)刚刚已经通过话的人再讲话 打电话来的人 你 (接电话的人) Can you put Daisy back on? I forgot to tell her something. 你能否请Daisy再来听电话呢? 我忘了跟她讲一件事。 Sure. I'll go get her. 当然! 我这就去叫她。 情况 (十二) 电话没人接(或录音机) 旁人 你 (接电话的人) Is he there? 他在吗? No one is there. 没人在。 Nobody answered. 没人接。 No. I got the answering machine. 没有! 是录音机。 情况 (十三) 电话打不通 旁人 你 (接电话的人) Did it go through? (电话)打通了吗? The line was busy. 电话忙线。 I got the busy signals.. 电话忙线。 情况 (十四) (因自己忙等原因)请别人去接电话 甲 乙 Paul, can you answer the phone? I'm busy. Paul, 你能不能去接电话? 我在忙。 Can you get it, Paul? My hands are tied. Paul, 你能不能去接电话? 我现在不能接。 Yes, dear. 是的, 亲爱的。 情况 (十五) 接到无人电话(就是打来了却不说话的那种) 旁人 你 (接电话的人) Who called? 谁打来的? No one. He hung up on me. 没人。他把电话挂了。 Wrong number, I guess. He hung up without saying a word. 打错了, 我想。他一句话也没说就把电话挂了。
abcdeffggg
He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。
他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。
“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。
过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。
你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一个老美看到就笑我说， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 缩写正好是 Adidas） " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快， 联想力这么丰富时，旁边的 一个老美帮我解围， 他说， 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn， 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔！ 下次就换你去取笑老美了.。
你选选吧
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink？（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I'd rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。）
经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name？（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don't you already have one？ （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty？（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven't I seen you some place before？（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday？（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving？（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
999句最实用英语口语！ 1。
I see. 我明白了。 2。
I quit！ 我不干了！ 3。 Let go！ 放手！ 4。
Me too. 我也是。 5。
My god！ 天哪！ 6。 No way！ 不行！ 7。
Come on. 来吧（赶快） 8。 Hold on. 等一等。
9。 I agree。
我同意。 10。
Not bad. 还不错。 11。
Not yet. 还没。 12。
See you. 再见。 13。
Shut up！ 闭嘴！ 14。 So long. 再见。
15。 Why not？ 好呀！ （为什么不呢？） 16。
Allow me. 让我来。 17。
Be quiet！ 安静点！ 18。 Cheer up！ 振作起来！ 19。
Good job！ 做得好！ 20。 Have fun！ 玩得开心！ 21。
How much？ 多少钱？ 22。 I'm full. 我饱了。
23。 I'm home. 我回来了。
24。 I'm lost. 我迷路了。
25。 My treat. 我请客。
26。 So do I. 我也一样。
27。 This way。
这边请。 28。
After you. 您先。 29。
Bless you！ 祝福你！ 30。 Follow me. 跟我来。
31。 Forget it！ 休想！ （算了！） 32。
Good luck！ 祝好运！ 33。 I decline！ 我拒绝！ 34。
I promise. 我保证。 35。
Of course！ 当然了！ 36。 Slow down！ 慢点！ 37。
Take care！ 保重！ 38。 They hurt. （伤口）疼。
39。 Try again. 再试试。
40。 Watch out！ 当心。
41。 What's up？ 有什么事吗？ 42。
Be careful！ 注意！ 43。 Bottoms up！ 干杯（见底）！ 44。
Don't move！ 不许动！ 45。 Guess what？ 猜猜看？ 46。
I doubt it 我怀疑。 47。
I think so. 我也这么想。 48。
I'm single. 我是单身贵族。 49。
Keep it up！ 坚持下去！ 50。 Let me see.让我想想。
51。 Never mind.不要紧。
52。 No problem！ 没问题！ 53。
That's all！ 就这样！ 54。 Time is up. 时间快到了。
55。 What's new？ 有什么新鲜事吗？ 56。
Count me on 算上我。 57。
Don't worry. 别担心。 58。
Feel better？ 好点了吗？ 59。 I love you！ 我爱你！ 60。
I'm his fan。 我是他的影迷。
想看更详尽的内容，请查看乐知网的网友课程 。
Jack:Tom,who do you think the man with a yellow straw hat on the stool in front of the palm trees? Tom:I guess he must be a fortune teller。
Jack:Are you sure? Tom:Yes,without a doubt。 You see he is looking forward to talking to someone。
Jack:Maybe you are right。 But Tom, can you read the palm? Tom:Yes, I have read a lot of books about reading the palm。
May I read your palm? Jack: Yes,I'd love to。 But I want to make fun of him。
It is very funny。
