remotesummer
搞笑英语句子
在现实生活或工作学习中，许多人对一些广为流传的句子都不陌生吧，句子是由词或词组构成的语言基本运用单位。句子的类型有很多，你都知道吗？下面是我为大家整理的搞笑英语句子，欢迎阅读，希望大家能够喜欢。
01. 人生的最大遗憾莫过于错误地坚持了不该坚持的，轻易地放弃了不该放弃的……
The most regret ion of live is insist on something that shouldn’t be insisted on,give up something that shouldn’t be given up
02. 大师兄，你知道吗?二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了。
Tang Monk/Tang Priest,don’t you know piggy is more valuable than you? (The Pilgrimage to the West)
03. 怀才就像怀孕，时间长了才能看出来。
Having knowledge likes having pregnant,it takes times to be awareness.
04. 还能冲动，表示你还对生活有激情，总是冲动，表示你还不懂生活。
If you acts on impulse,you have passions in life,if you always acts on impulse,you don’t know what life is.
05. 我问一个在深圳工作了二十年的朋友：“如果你死后，你的墓志铭打算写点啥?”他说：“我解决了住房问题!”
I asked a question to a friend who has been working in Shenzhen for 20 years,what would be the proudest things in your life if you died? He said:I have already pay back the mortgage loan of my department.
06. 妈妈说人最好不要错过两样东西，最后一班回家的车和一个深爱你的人。
Mom said you’d better not miss two things ,the last bus to home and the person who loves you deeply.
07. 一天看到一位大妈在烧纸，边烧边嘟囔着：收到了全都买基金吧。
One day I saw a old woman was burning paper money and mumbled:buy funds if you get it.
08. 好的爱情是你透过一个男人看到世界，坏的爱情是你为了一个人舍弃世界……
A good love is you find the world for a man;a bad love is you abandon the world for a man.
09. 诸葛亮出山前，也没带过兵!凭啥我就要工作经验?
Before Liang Zhuge coming out,he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job?
10. 如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光……
If you saw the dark in front of you,dont be afriad,that's because sunshine is at your back.
1.Money is not everything.There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
2.One should love animals.They are so tasty.
3.Love the neighbor.But don‘t get caught.
4.Behind every successful man,there is a woman.And behind every unsuccessful man,there are two.
5.Every man should marry.After all,happiness is not the only thing in life.
6.The wise never marry,And when they marry they become otherwise.
7.Success is a relative term.It brings so many relatives.
8.Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
9.Love is photogenic.It needs darkness to develop.
10.Children in backseats cause accidents.Accidents in backseats cause children.
11."Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
12.There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
13."Hard work never kills anybody." But why take the risk? "
14."Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
15.God made relatives;Thank God we can choose our friends.
16.When two‘s company,three‘s the result!
17.A dress is like a barbed fence.It protects the premises without restricting the view.
18.Themore you learn,the more you know,The more you know,the more youforget.The more you forget,the less you know.So why bother to learn.
1、 When did you watch television？
2、 Robert bought a new bookcase last month.
3、 Did you watch the match last night？
4、 He arrived the week before last.
5、 The train was nine minutes late.
6、 Did you wash your hands before the meal？
7、 I arrived here one hour ago.
8、 You missed the last train.
1. Sometimes love is not enough when the road gets tough.
有时候，当生活的路越来越艰难时，只有爱就不够了。
2. The best kind of feelings in life are the ones you can't explain.
生命中最美好的感受往往妙不可言。
3. Sometimes the right person for you was there all along.
You just didn't see it because the wrong one was blocking the sight.
有时候，适合你的那个人其实一直在那儿。
只是那些错的人挡住了你的视线，你才没有看见。
4. You are the only one who drives me mental and keeps me sane.
只有你才能既让我发疯，又让我理智。
5. Positive emotions not only contribute to our success,
they don't just contribute to our feeling good;they also contribute to our wellbeing.
积极情绪不仅有助成功，不仅能让我们感觉好，还有助我们获得幸福。
6. Follow your heart,but take your brain with you.
跟随自己的'心，但要保持清醒的头脑。
7. I have this weird self esteem problem where I hate myself yet,I still think I'm better than everyone.
我有个很奇葩的自尊问题，在某些方面我既恨自己不够好，又觉得自己比任何人都好。
8. I have a special breakfast for you today,a glass of care,a plate of happiness,a spoon of peace,a fork of trust and a bowl of prayer.
今天我为你做了顿丰盛的早餐，一杯关心，一碟幸福，一勺平和，一叉信任，还有一碗祈福。
9. Sometimes you need to look back,otherwise you will never know what you have lost in the way of forever searching.
偶尔要回头看看，否则永远都在追寻，而不知道自己失去了什么。
10. No matter where you go in life,there's always gonna be the one person that wants to bring you down,so stay strong and face your problems,instead of running away.
无论生活去向何方，总会出现一个人想将你打败，所以，保持强大，直面问题，而不是逃避。
11. Love doesn't walk away,people do.
爱是不会离开你的，会离开你的是人。
12. Happiness can be found,even in the darkest of times,if one remembers turn on the light.
即使在最黑暗的时刻，幸福也有迹可循，只要你记得打开一盏灯。
13. Life is like a piano:
white keys are happy moments and black keys are sad moments.
But remember both keys are played together to give sweet music.
生活就像一架钢琴：白键是快乐，黑键是悲伤。
但是，要记住只有黑白键的合奏才能弹出美妙的音乐。
14. One of the best things in the world is when someone you love holds your hand.
世界上最美好的事情之一就是你爱的人紧紧握着你的手。
15. Don't try to understand everything because sometimes,
things are not meant to be understood but rather to just be accepted.
不要尝试去弄清每件事，因为有时候一些事情不是用来理解的，而是要懂得接受它们。
16. Relationships don't need promises,terms and conditions.
It just needs TWO people:who can trust and who can understand.
感情不需要诺言，协议与条件。
它只需要两个人：一个能够信任的人，与一个愿意理解的人。
17. We may have an ugly past but luck enough we have a spotless future.
我们也许有个不堪回首的过去，但足够幸运的是还有个洁白无瑕的未来。
18. Life has its ups and downs.
Sometimes the sun shines,sometimes the rain lashes,
but then it takes both the sun and rain to make a rainbow.
生活中有起有落，有时候阳光普照，有时候大雨倾盆，但是只有在经历过阳光风雨之后才会有彩虹。
19. Being someone's first love may be great,but to be their last is beyond perfect!
成为别人的初恋固然好，但更好的是成为他们最终的爱人！
20. Sometimes,it is difficult to express the feelings that come from within the heart.
有时候，很难把内心深处的感受表达出来。
21. Everything you want in life has a price connected to it.
There's a price to pay if you want to make things better,
a price to pay just for leaving things as they are.
你生活里的每件事都有它的代价。
如果你想让事情变得更好，需要付出代价；
想让事情仅仅维持它们的现状也要付出代价。
22. We are afraid to care too much,for fear that the other person does not care at all.
我们不敢太在乎，是因为害怕别人压根儿不在乎。
23.如果没有相等的爱，那就让我爱多一些吧。
If equal affection cannot be,let the more loving be me.
24.爱是长在我们心里的藤蔓。
Love is a vine that grows into our hearts.
25.因为你，我懂得了爱。
If I know what love is,it is because of you.
26.爱情是生活最好的提神剂。
Love is the greatest refreshment in life.
27.有了你，黑暗不再是黑暗。
The darkness is no darkness with thee.
28.如果没有人爱我们，我们也就不会再爱自己了。
We cease loving ourselves if no one loves us.
28.治疗爱的创伤唯有加倍地去爱。
There is no remedy for love but to love more.
30.如果爱不疯狂就不是爱了。
When love is not madness,it is not love.
31.有爱的心永远年轻。
A heart that loves is always young.
32.爱情就像月亮，不增则减。
Love is like the moon,when it does not increase,it decreases.
33.灵魂不能没有爱而存在。
The soul cannot live without love.
34.生命虽短，爱却绵长。
Brief is life,but love is long.
35.爱比大衣更能驱走寒冷。
Love keeps the cold out better than a cloak.
36.没有了爱，地球便成了坟墓。
Take away love,and our earth is a tomb.
37.我的爱与你同在。
My heart is with you.
38.尽管还不曾离开，我已对你朝思暮想！
I miss you so much already and I haven't even left yet!
39.我会想你，在漫漫长路的每一步。
I'll think of you every step of the way.
40.无论你身在何处，无论你为何忙碌，我都会在此守候。
Wherever you go,whatever you do,I will be right here waiting for you.
41.热烈的爱情是不可抑制的渴望。
Passionate love is a quenchless thirst.
42.在这个世界上，男人最珍贵的财产就是一个女人的心。
The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart.
43.没有你的日子就像一本没有书页的书。
Every day without you is like a book without pages.
44.爱很难投入，但一旦投入，便更难走出。
Love is hard to get into,but harder to get out of.
45.爱是一盏永不昏暗的明灯。
Love is a light that never dims.
46.愿你的爱乘着飞翔的白鸽，展翅高飞。
May your love soar on the wings of a dove in flight.
47.人活着总要爱一回。
She who has never loved,has never lived.
48.生命如花，爱情是蜜。
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
49.两颗相爱的心之间不需要言语。
No words are necessary between two loving hearts.
50.在这世上珍贵的东西总是罕有，所以这世上只有一个你。
Precious things are very few in this world. That is the reason there is just one you.
51.我的心因你而笑。
You make my heart smile.
52.为何好女孩总喜欢坏男孩？
Why do the good girls,always want the bad boys?
53.和你在一起就像在一个清爽的早晨漫步。
Being with you is like walking on a very clear morning.
54.爱永远不会嫌晚。
It is never too late to fall in love.
55.对于世界，你可能只是一个人，但对于某个人，你却是整个世界。
To the world you may be just one person. To the person you may be the world.
56.哪里有爱，哪里就有希望。
Where there is love,there are always wishes.
57.你不会因为美丽去爱一个女人，但她却会因为你的爱而变得美丽。
You don't love a woman because she is beautiful,but she is beautiful because you love her.
58.爱是永恒的，外表可能改变，但本质永远不变。
Love is something eternal;the aspect may change,but not the essence.
59.爱情不是数着日子过去，它让每个日子都变得有意义。
Love is not a matter of counting the days. It's making the days count.
60.拥有你美丽的爱情，太阳就永远明媚。
With the wonder of your love,the sun above always shines.
1、Wish you a happy new year and a good fortune in the coming year when we will share our happiness,think of our good friends,and our dreams come true!
在这快乐分享的时刻，思念好友的时刻，美梦成真的时刻，祝你—新年快乐，佳节如意！
2、Every coin has two sides.
任何事物都是有二面性的。
3、If you doubt yourself,then indeed you stand on shaky ground.
如果你怀疑自己，那么你的立足点确实不稳固了。
4、My heart beats for you every day. I am inspired by you every minute,and I worry about you every second. It is wonderful to have you in my life.
每一天都为你心跳，每一刻都被你感动，每一秒都为你担心。有你的感觉真好。
5、Love me ,love my dog.
爱屋及乌。
6、Perfect mutual understanding.
心有灵犀一点通。
7、If you would go up high,then use your own legs! Do not let yourselves carried aloft;do not seat yourselves on other people's backs and heads.
如果你想走到高处，就要使用自己的两条腿！不要让别人把你抬到高处；不要坐在别人的背上和头上。
8、If winter comes,can spring be far behind.
冬天来了，春天还会远吗？
9、In such a soft and warm season,please accept my sincere blessing and deep concern for you.
在这充满温馨的季节里，给你我真挚的祝福及深深的思念。
10、I cannot live without you.
没有你，我的生活毫无意义。
11、There is nothing like a true friend.
没有什么比拥有一个真心朋友更好的了。
12、Time goes with wind,I love you forever.
时间随风而去，我永远爱你。
13、A friend in need is a friend indeed.
患难见真情。
14、To the world you may be one person,but to one person you may be the world.
对于世界而言，你是一个人；但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。
15、Yesterday once more,memory,raining,snowing smiling are touching my heart.
昨日重现，回忆，雨，雪，微笑触动我的心。
16、Don't cry because it is over,smile because it happened.
不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。
17、For our ever-lasting friendship,send sincere blessings and warm greetings to my friends whom I miss so much.
一份不渝的友谊，执着千万个祝福，给我想念的朋友，温馨的问候。
18、It is graceful grief and sweet sadness to think of you,but in my heart,there is a kind of soft warmth that can't be expressed with any choice of words.
想你，是一种美丽的忧伤的甜蜜的惆怅，心里面，却是一种用任何语言也无法表达的温馨。
小小米珠
【第一条】英文：Examination and many children, so that the number of honest learned cheating.中文：考试害了多少个孩子，让多少诚实的孩子学会了作弊。
【第二条】英文：For beautiful eyes, on the line, and told myself, my wife than they were.中文：对于美女，看两眼就行，转身告诉自己，我老婆比她们都好。【第三条】英文：Did you find, those who hate you, looks very ugly.中文：你有没有发现，那些讨厌你的人，长得都特别丑。
【第四条】英文：Since I will play QQ, I found my pinyin is getting better and better, the study did not have this effect.中文：自从会玩QQ后，我发现我拼音越来越好了，读书都没这效果。【第五条】英文：I have a flirt with hot chicks ability, but he is a girl.中文：我空有一身泡妞的本事，可惜自己是个妞。
【第六条】英文：I do not smoke cigarettes, is not lonely, second-hand smoke！中文：我抽的不是烟，也不是寂寞，是二手烟！【第七条】英文：Examination of people rely on strength, and I rely on the rich imagination.中文：考试有人靠的是实力，而我靠的是丰富的想象力。【第八条】英文：Abroad: Thought and ability is the key, the domestic: relationship and can run.中文：国外：思想和才能才是王道，国内：关系和马屁才能横行。
【第九条】英文：The teacher said to hear and fine, I know he's salary.中文：听到老师说又要开始罚钱，我就知道是他工资花完了。【第十条】英文：The man called the romantic love rich, rich in the coquettish woman.中文：男人情史丰富那叫风流，女人情史丰富那叫风骚。
【第十一条】英文：One, two people, three person is to fight at outrance.中文：一个人快活，两个人生活，三个人就是你死我活。【第十二条】英文：Grandpa Mao said, not to marry for the purpose of making object is bullying.中文：毛爷爷说，不以结婚为目的的搞对象都是耍流氓。
【第十三条】英文：Brother, you have to face the resolution is good？中文：大哥，把你脸上的分辨率调低点好吗？【第十四条】英文：In heaven there is no white out the pie, but white out the bricks.中文：天上没有白掉的馅饼，倒有白掉的砖头。【第十五条】英文：Ideals are like the pants, have, but not everyone can go to prove that you have！中文：理想就像内裤，要有，但不能逢人就去证明你有！【第十六条】英文：More to their fucking great time also can not compare with idiot years.中文：再多各自牛逼的时光 也比不上一起傻逼的岁月。
【第十七条】英文：Thinking of how far, how far you roll; light how fast, how fast you roll.中文：思想有多远，你就滚多远；光速有多快，你就滚多快。【第十八条】英文：Chinese two big characteristics: one, don't love the truth; two, do not want to hear the truth.中文：中国人就两大特点：一，不爱说实话；二，不爱听实话。
【第十九条】英文：You look very Chinese, very dedicated, very backbone.中文：你长的很爱国，很敬业，很有骨气。【第二十条】英文：Germany is the only woman, I think I must be too mean.中文：女子无才便是德，我想我一定是太缺德了。
【第二十一条】英文：If you don't like brother talk about conscience, I did not, a few days just donated.中文：你丫别跟哥谈良心，哥没有，上几天刚捐了。【第二十二条】英文：Go go go, don't waste the youth the two words, you are already the beginning of autumn.中文：去去去，别糟蹋青春那两字了，你都已经立秋了。
【第二十三条】英文：Women have two mouths, a mouth is a, a mouth to eat.中文：女人有俩张嘴，一张嘴道是非，一张嘴会吃人。【第二十四条】英文：In fact, the day classes can be short, the computer opening and closing the past.中文：其实，一天班可短暂了，电脑一开一关就过去了。
【第二十五条】英文：You have learned at school all forget, the rest is quality.中文：把你们在学校所学的知识统统忘掉，剩下的就是素质。【第二十六条】英文：Living half are bad luck, the other half is how to handle it.中文：活的一半是倒霉，另一半是如何处理倒霉。
【第二十七条】英文：Life can not cook, all the materials are ready was the pot.中文：人生不能像做菜，把所有的料都准备好才下锅。【第二十八条】英文：First scroll: Live meaningless, the second line of a couplet: Dutch act no courage, horizontal batch: white go back.中文：上联：活着没意义，下联：自杀没勇气，横批：白走一回。
【第二十九条】英文：My principle is: the person does not make me, I do not prisoners; if the person make me, I will get angry！中文：我的原则是：人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我就生气！【第三十条】英文：After today, do not meet again, I am afraid to wake up every day to beat you many times.中文：过完了今天，就不要再见面，我害怕每天醒来揍你好几遍。【第三十一条】英文：What I want, is shameless. What to eat, is not lose.中文：我什么都要，。
1.Can you can a can as a canner can can a can？你能够像罐头工人一样装罐头吗？2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish,but if you wish the wish the witch wishes,I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.我希望梦想着你梦想中的梦想，但是如果你梦想着女巫的梦想，我就不想梦想着你梦想中的梦想.3.I scream,you scream,we all scream for ice-cream！我叫喊，你叫喊，我们都喊着要冰淇淋！4.How many cookies could a good cook cook if a good cook could cook cookies?A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.如果一个好的厨师能做小甜饼，那么他能做多少小甜饼呢？一个好的厨师能做出和其它好厨师一样多的小甜饼.5.The driver was drunk and drove the doctor's car directly into the deep ditch.这个司机喝醉了，他把医生的车开进了一个大深沟里.6.Whether the weather be fine or whether the weather be not.Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot.We'll weather the weather whether we like it or not.无论是晴天或是阴天.无论是冷或是暖，不管喜欢与否，我们都要经受风霜雨露.7.Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked？彼德派柏捏起一撮泡菜.彼德派柏捏起的是一撮泡菜.那么彼德派捏起的泡菜在哪儿？8.I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought,I wouldn't have thought so much.我有一种想法，但是我的这种想法不是我曾经想到的那种想法.如果这种想法是我曾经想到的想法，我就不会想那么多了.9.Amid the mists and coldest frosts,With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,He thrusts his fists against the posts,And still insists he sees the ghosts.雾蒙蒙，冰霜冻，手腕儿空空，话儿涌，只见他猛所拳头往柱子上砸，直说自己把鬼碰.10.Badmin was able to beat Bill at billiards,but Bill always beat Badmin badly at badminton.巴德明在台球上能够打败比尔，但是打羽毛球比尔常常大败巴德明.11.Betty beat a bit of butter to make a better butter.贝蒂敲打一小块黄油要做一块更好的奶油面.12.Rita repeated what Reardon recited when Reardon read the remarks.当里尔登读评论时，丽塔重复里尔登背诵的东西.13.Few free fruit flies fly from flames.没有几只果蝇从火焰中飞过去.14.Fifty-five flags freely flutter from the floating frigate.五十五面旗子在轻轻漂浮的战舰上自由的飘扬.15.There is no need to light a night light on a light night like tonight.for a bright night light is just like a slight light.像今夜这样明亮的夜晚，就不需要点一盏夜灯，因为明亮的夜灯也会变得微弱.17.A pleasant peasant keeps a pleasant pheasant and both the peasant and the pheasant are having a pleasant time together.一位和气的农民养了一只伶俐的野鸡，而且这位和气的农民和这只伶俐的野鸡在一起度过了一段很美好的时光18.How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets？如果裁纸机能裁纸的话，一个裁纸机能裁多少张纸呢？19.Mr.See owned a saw and Mr.Soar owned a seesaw.Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See.西先生有一个锯，萨先生有一个秋千.现在在萨先生看见西先生之前，西先生的锯锯断了萨先生的秋千.20.If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.如果你非常相要好的风筝和精彩的表演，就去买一只漂亮的，灵巧的风筝吧.21.Ted sent Fred ten hens yesterday so Fred's fresh bread is ready already.特德昨天给弗莱德送去了十只母鸡，所以弗莱德的新鲜面包已经准备好了.22.A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing net.一个名叫费希尔的芬兰渔民在一个星期五的下午未能捕捉到任何鱼，结果他民现他的渔网上有一个大裂口.23.Franc's father is frying French fries for his five fire-fighter friends after they finished a fire-fighting in a factory.在结束对一家工厂的灭火战斗以后，弗兰克的父亲在为他的五个消防队员朋友炸制法式土豆（炸薯条）。
Moneyisnoteverything.There'sMastercard&Visa.
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
Oneshouldloveanimals.Theyaresotasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
Savewater.Showerwithyourgirlfriend.
要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。
Lovetheneighbor.Butdon'tgetcaught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
Behindeverysuccessfulman,thereisawoman.Andbehindeveryunsuccessfulman,therearetwo.
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。
Everymanshouldmarry.Afterall,happinessisnottheonlythinginlife.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
Childreninbackseatscauseaccidents.Accidentsinbackseatscausechildren.
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
"Yourfuturedependsonyourdreams."Sogotosleep.
“现在的梦想决定着你的将来”，所以还是再睡一会吧。
Thereshouldbeabetterwaytostartadaythanwakingupeverymorning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
"Hardworkneverkilledanybody."Butwhytaketherisk?"
“努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。
"Workfascinatesme."Icanlookatitforhours!"
“工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看着别人工作。
Whentwo'scompany,three'stheresult!
两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是
ME TOO One day Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary went to an african country。
The president of this country don't speak English, so he learned a little greeting sentence from his translater。 His translater told him when first meet a person you can say:"How are you?" the probably answer maybe:"I am fine, and you?" then you should say:"Me too!" When he meet Bill Clinton at airport he was so excited that forgot the sentence he have learned before。
He want to say:"How are you" but he said:"Who are you?" Bill was puzzled but he want to show his humour and he said:"I am Hillary's husband, and you？…" The african president finally remembered what to say and said:"Me too!"。
1) I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
我爱你，不是因为你是一个怎样的人，而是因为我喜欢与你在一起时的感觉。
2) No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
没有人值得你流泪，值得让你这么做的人不会让你哭泣。
3) The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
失去某人，最糟糕的莫过于，他近在身旁，却犹如远在天边。
4) Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
纵然伤心，也不要愁眉不展，因为你不知是谁会爱上你的笑容。
5) To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
对于世界而言，你是一个人；但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。
6) Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
不要为那些不愿在你身上花费时间的人而浪费你的时间。
7) Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
爱你的人如果没有按你所希望的方式来爱你，那并不代表他们没有全心全意地爱你。
8) Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。
9) Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
在遇到梦中人之前，上天也许会安排我们先遇到别的人；在我们终于遇见心仪的人时，便应当心存感激。
10) Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。
The nice men are ugly.好男人不帅。
The handsome men are not nice.帅男人不好。The handsome and nice men are gay.又帅又好的男人是同性恋。
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.又帅又好又不是同性恋的男人都结婚了。Men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.不是很帅但是很好的男人却没有钱。
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.不是很帅但是又好又有钱的男人会认为我们看上的是他们的钱。The handsome men without money are after our money.而没有钱但是很帅的男人看上的是我们的钱。
The handsome men, who are not so nice and some what heterosexual don't think we are beautiful enough.不是很好但是很帅又是异性恋的男人却嫌我们不够漂亮。The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards.又好又有钱又是异性恋又觉得我们漂亮的男人却又没胆量。
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE！又好又帅又有点钱而且是个异性恋的男人偏偏害羞而且从不采取行动。The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest on us when we take the initiative.那些从不主动的男人一旦我们采取主动就对我们失去兴趣。
NOW。WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTaNDS MEN？现在。
到底有谁了解男人这东西？。
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.""That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。
“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。
我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么？”带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。
The New TeacherGeorge comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too。.."新老师9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6， 可后来又说2加4也得6。
"Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
Excuse for SpeedingExcuse for SpeedingHarry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.〃Why on earth were you driving so fast？〃 the policeman yelled.〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident！〃超速的理由哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。“你们为什么开那么快？”警官喊道。
“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”Send the Bill to My FatherDoctor： 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃Patient： 〃then send the bill to my father,please.〃把账单给我父亲医生：“对你的抱怨我无能为力。
那是遗传病。”病人：“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.Girl: Father, I have sinned.Preacher: What did you do, little girl?Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?Girl: He touched my breast.Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.Girl: But he also took off my cloth.Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)Girl: Yes, that's what he did.Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what。Preacher: (evil laugh。
) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)Girl: (After a few minutes。) Ugh。
Yeah, that's what he did。Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a。
Girl: But he had AIDS!!Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH小建议：英语笑话通常都是很短的，要是长了就达不到效果了。越是经典的就越短。
老外的幽默和我们的不一样的。十句以上都可以算作阅读段了，怎么表演啊，听众本来听英语就费劲，句子又多又长，肯定没兴趣了，还是找些短的来表演吧，BODY LANGUAGE 到位，EXPRESSION 到位就OK了。
但是有关动物的确实找不到了，对不起。
Money is not everything. There's Mastercard and Visa.
钞票不是万能的，毕竟有时还需要信用卡。
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要节约用水，所以尽量和女友一起洗澡。
Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个或更多。
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，毕竟幸福不是永久的嘛。
The wise never marry.
聪明人都是未婚的。
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词，它会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚。
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就像照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
后座上的小孩会生出意外，后座上的意外会生出小孩。
"Your future depends on your dreams."So go to sleep.
现在的梦想决定着你的将来，所以，还是再睡一会吧。
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
应该有更好的方式开始新的一天，而不是千篇一律地在每个上午都醒来。
"Hard work never killed any body."But why take the risk?
努力工作不会导致死亡。但为什么要冒险呢？
优质英语培训问答知识库
