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He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

Three Little Pigs 三只小猪 Storyteller: There are three little pigs living with 讲故事者：三只小猪和他们的妈妈 their mother. Ding-Ding and Dong- 住在一起。丁丁和东东 Dong are brother pigs. They are very 是猪哥哥，他们很懒，他 Lazy. They eat and sleep all day. 们整天吃了就睡。龙龙是 Long-Long is the youngest pig. She 最小的，她整天帮着妈妈 works all day. She helps her mother 做家务。 to do the housework. Mother pig: You have grown up. You must make 猪妈妈：你们已经长大了，你们得 your own houses. 为自己盖间房。 Goodbye, little pigs. Build a house. 再见，孩子们。去盖间房。 Be careful of the wolf. 小心狼。 Pigs: Yes, Mum. Goodbye. 三只小猪：好的，妈妈。再见。 Wolf: I’m hungry. Look! Three little pigs 狼：我饿了。看，三只小猪可 for dinner. Mmm. 以做我的美餐。 Sister pig: What are you doing, brothers? 猪妹妹：哥哥，你们在干什么？ Ding-Ding: I’m building a house with leaves. 丁丁：我在用树叶盖房子。 Dong-Dong: I’m building a house with sticks. 东东：我在用树枝盖房子。 Sister pig: But leaves aren’t strong. 猪妹妹：可是树叶不牢固。树枝也不 And sticks aren’t strong. 牢固。 Brother pigs: Yes, we know. But it’s easy. 猪哥哥：我们知道。但它很容易。 What are you doing, sister? 你在干什么？ Sister pig: I’m building a house with bricks. 猪妹妹：我在用砖头盖房子。 Brother pigs: Bricks! That’s very difficult. 猪哥哥：用砖头盖，那太难了。 Sister pig: I know. But bricks are strong. 猪妹妹：我知道，可是砖头很坚固。 …… Brother pigs: Oh, we’re finished. Let’s have 猪哥哥：噢，我们盖好了。我们打 a nap. 个盹吧。 Sister pig: My house is finished. My house 猪妹妹：我的房子盖好了，我的房 is strong. 很坚固。 Wolf: Little pigs. Little pigs. Open your 狼： 小猪，小猪，快开门！ Doors! Brother pigs: No. No. Go away. 猪哥哥：不开，不开。快走开。 Wolf: This is very easy. Sticks and leaves 狼：这太容易了。树枝和树叶 aren’t strong. 都不牢固。 Storyteller: The wolf blows the houses down. 讲故事者：狼吹倒了房屋。丁丁和东 Ding-Ding and Dong-Dong run 东跑到龙龙家。 to Long-Long’s house. Brother pigs: Help! Help! 猪哥哥：救命! 救命! Wolf: Stop, you two pigs. 狼： 站住，你这两只小猪。 Brother pigs: Open the door, sister. The wolf 猪哥哥：妹妹，快开门。狼来了， is coming. Let me in. 让我们进去。 Long-Long: Come in, please. Don’t worry. 龙龙：快进来。别担心，我的 My house is strong. 房子很坚固。 Wolf: Where did they go? Oh they are 狼：他们跑哪儿了？噢，他们 Here. Little pigs. Little pigs. Open 在这儿。小猪，快把门打 the door! 开。 Three pigs: No. No. Go away. You bad wolf. 三只小猪：不开，不开。快走开。 你这只恶狼。 Wolf: I’ll blow it down. 狼：我要吹倒它。 Storyteller: The wolf blows and blows. He 讲故事者：狼吹呀吹，它不停地吹。 blows and blows. But the house 可是房子非常坚固。 is very strong. Wolf: I’ll hit it. Oh. 狼：我要撞倒它。噢！ Long-Long: Let’s boil the water. 龙龙：我们把水烧开。 Brother pigs: OK. 猪哥哥：好的。 Wolf: Oh, oh! It’s hot. It’s hot. 狼：噢！噢！好烫，好烫。 Three pigs: Hooray! The wolf is dead. The 三只小猪：好啊！狼死了，狼死了。 wolf is dead Storyteller: Since then, Ding-Ding and Dong- 讲故事者：从那以后，丁丁、东东 Dong work hard with Long-Long. 和龙龙一起努力工作。 They work and play together. 他们一起工作，一起玩。 这个短剧场景可以自己按情况更改，人可多可少，最好幽默一点的同学表演。 Napolan and his soldiers（拿破仑这个单词我记不清楚了） 众士兵排列整齐的上。 M: Attention.（立正） Turn right/left. Quick time, march!（齐步走） (吹哨) Halt!(立定) Turn right/left. At ease!(稍息).Dismiss!(解散) （在宿舍里） Ss: Cheer!(干杯) （班长带着一新士兵推门进来） M: Hello!Everyone! This is Sam. He is Swede. Today he join us. Let's give him a warm welcome! Ss: Welcome! Welcome! (握手、拍肩 和他打招呼，但是他摇摇头) M: He doesn't know French at all. Ss: What a pity! 本文来自: 优习网(www.YouTheme.cn) 详细出处参考： Little Pigs 三只小猪 Storyteller: There are three little pigs living with 讲故事者：三只小猪和他们的妈妈 their mother. Ding-Ding and Dong- 住在一起。丁丁和东东 Dong are brother pigs. They are very 是猪哥哥，他们很懒，他 Lazy. They eat and sleep all day. 们整天吃了就睡。龙龙是 Long-Long is the youngest pig. She 最小的，她整天帮着妈妈 works all day. She helps her mother 做家务。 to do the housework. Mother pig: You have grown up. You must make 猪妈妈：你们已经长大了，你们得 your own houses. 为自己盖间房。 Goodbye, little pigs. Build a house. 再见，孩子们。去盖间房。 Be careful of the wolf. 小心狼。 Pigs: Yes, Mum. Goodbye. 三只小猪：好的，妈妈。再见。 Wolf: I’m hungry. Look! Three little pigs 狼：我饿了。看，三只小猪可 for dinner. Mmm. 以做我的美餐。 Sister pig: What are you doing, brothers? 猪妹妹：哥哥，你们在干什么？ Ding-Ding: I’m building a house with leaves. 丁丁：我在用树叶盖房子。 Dong-Dong: I’m building a house with sticks. 东东：我在用树枝盖房子。 Sister pig: But leaves aren’t strong. 猪妹妹：可是树叶不牢固。树枝也不 And sticks aren’t strong. 牢固。 Brother pigs: Yes, we know. But it’s easy. 猪哥哥：我们知道。但它很容易。 What are you doing, sister? 你在干什么？ Sister pig: I’m building a house with bricks. 猪妹妹：我在用砖头盖房子。 Brother pigs: Bricks! That’s very difficult. 猪哥哥：用砖头盖，那太难了。 Sister pig: I know. But bricks are strong. 猪妹妹：我知道，可是砖头很坚固。 …… Brother pigs: Oh, we’re finished. Let’s have 猪哥哥：噢，我们盖好了。我们打 a nap. 个盹吧。 Sister pig: My house is finished. My house 猪妹妹：我的房子盖好了，我的房 is strong. 很坚固。 Wolf: Little pigs. Little pigs. Open your 狼： 小猪，小猪，快开门！ Doors! Brother pigs: No. No. Go away. 猪哥哥：不开，不开。快走开。 Wolf: This is very easy. Sticks and leaves 狼：这太容易了。树枝和树叶 aren’t strong. 都不牢固。 Storyteller: The wolf blows the houses down. 讲故事者：狼吹倒了房屋。丁丁和东 Ding-Ding and Dong-Dong run 东跑到龙龙家。 to Long-Long’s house. Brother pigs: Help! Help! 猪哥哥：救命! 救命! Wolf: Stop, you two pigs. 狼： 站住，你这两只小猪。 Brother pigs: Open the door, sister. The wolf 猪哥哥：妹妹，快开门。狼来了， is coming. Let me in. 让我们进去。 Long-Long: Come in, please. Don’t worry. 龙龙：快进来。别担心，我的 My house is strong. 房子很坚固。 Wolf: Where did they go? Oh they are 狼：他们跑哪儿了？噢，他们 Here. Little pigs. Little pigs. Open 在这儿。小猪，快把门打 the door! 开。 Three pigs: No. No. Go away. You bad wolf. 三只小猪：不开，不开。快走开。 你这只恶狼。 Wolf: I’ll blow it down. 狼：我要吹倒它。 Storyteller: The wolf blows and blows. He 讲故事者：狼吹呀吹，它不停地吹。 blows and blows. But the house 可是房子非常坚固。 is very strong. Wolf: I’ll hit it. Oh. 狼：我要撞倒它。噢！ Long-Long: Let’s boil the water. 龙龙：我们把水烧开。 Brother pigs: OK. 猪哥哥：好的。 Wolf: Oh, oh! It’s hot. It’s hot. 狼：噢！噢！好烫，好烫。 Three pigs: Hooray! The wolf is dead. The 三只小猪：好啊！狼死了，狼死了。 wolf is dead Storyteller: Since then, Ding-Ding and Dong- 讲故事者：从那以后，丁丁、东东 Dong work hard with Long-Long. 和龙龙一起努力工作。 They work and play together. 他们一起工作，一起玩。 这个短剧场景可以自己按情况更改，人可多可少，最好幽默一点的同学表演。 Napolan and his soldiers（拿破仑这个单词我记不清楚了） 众士兵排列整齐的上。 M: Attention.（立正） Turn right/left. Quick time, march!（齐步走） (吹哨) Halt!(立定) Turn right/left. At ease!(稍息).Dismiss!(解散) （在宿舍里） Ss: Cheer!(干杯) （班长带着一新士兵推门进来） M: Hello!Everyone! This is Sam. He is Swede. Today he join us. Let's give him a warm welcome! Ss: Welcome! Welcome! (握手、拍肩 和他打招呼，但是他摇摇头) M: He doesn't know French at all. Ss: What a pity! 有一天，一个士兵慌慌张张的跑了过来。 A. Monitor! Monitor! M: What's the matter with you? A: I hear Napolan will be here in a month. M: What shall we do? B. I hear N often asks three quenstions. and often in an order. The first one is "How old are you?". The second one is "How long have you been in the Amry?". The third one is "Did you join any of my two compaigns?" M: All of us have no problem except Sam. He doesn't know French. What shall we do? B. I have an idea. From now on all of us teach him the three questions at any time. Ss: Good! 各种场合： 睡觉: A: Sam. How old are you? Sam:21.sir! A: How long have you been in the Army? Sam: 3 years sir! A: Did you join any of my two compaigns? Sam: Both.sir! 吃饭:B:Sam. How old are you? Sam:21.sir! B: How long have you been in the Army? Sam: 3 years sir! B: Did you join any of my two compaigns? Sam: Both.sir! 跑步：C:Sam. How old are you? Sam:21.sir! C: How long have you been in the Army? Sam: 3 years sir! C: Did you join any of my two compaigns? Sam: Both.sir! ..... Ss: We believe that's no problem at all. A:(慌慌张张的) N is coming. N is coming. (众士兵立正) N: Hello! Everyone. How are you? Ss: Fine. Thank you!sir! Sam 在哆嗦，引起了拿破仑的注意。 N: （走到他的面前）Well. How long have you been in the Army? Sam: 21 . sir. N: (非常吃惊的) How old are you? Sam: (非常自信的) 3 .sir. N: (生气的) Either you or I am mad!!!! Sam:(洋洋得意的)Both. sir!!! Ss: My god!!! 众士兵失望的下场了。

My First and My LastWhen George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go." They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark. 第一次与最后一次乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。 乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。” 升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。 后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。” 乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？” “是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。First FlightMr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground." 第一次坐飞机约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。 他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。 过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？” “那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。” A Nail Or A Fly?An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour. So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed. Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!钉子还是苍蝇？一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。 于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。 这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。I'll See to the RestA guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我负责一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。 “快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。” “噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。 “请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。” Chaude and ColdA patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water." "But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal." "Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C." "Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city." 热与冷蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。” “可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。” “等等，”那位顾客咆哮一声，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。” “当然，”经理说道：“它代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。” 这个网站里还有很多