英文搞笑话剧剧本

5分钟英语搞笑话剧剧本（通用5篇）

话剧指以对话方式为主的戏剧形式，于19世纪末20世纪初来到中国。与传统舞台剧、戏曲相区别，话剧主要叙述手段为演员在台上无伴奏的对白或独白，但可以使用少量音乐、歌唱等。以下是我整理的5分钟英语搞笑话剧剧本，欢迎阅读。

The Clever Rabbits（聪明小兔）

角色：

Red Eyes（红眼睛）Long Ears（长耳朵）Short Tail（短尾巴）

Big Wolf（大灰狼）Mother Rabbit（兔妈妈）

Storyteller翻译官

道具 房子，玩具、凳子，桌子，一棵树等。

布景 一座有门的房子里摆着一张桌子、几个凳子和一些玩具。

SceneI Three Rabbits（三只小兔子）

（一）

Storyteller:The Mother Rabbit has red Eyes,Long Ears and Short Tail.

兔妈妈有三个孩子，她给他们起名叫红眼睛、长耳朵和短尾巴。）

Red Eyes:（Coming to the front.上前。）

Hello!I"m Red Eyes.Glad to see you.

（你好！我是红眼睛。见到你很高兴。）

Long Ears:（Touch his long ears.着他的长耳朵。）

Hi!How do you do? Nice to see you.My name is Long Ears.

（嗨！你好！很高兴见到你。我叫长耳朵。）

Short Tail:（Show his tail.展示他的尾巴。）

Hello,boys and girls! I"m Short Tail.

（小朋友们，你们好！我是短尾巴。见到大家我很高兴。）

After this,they are playing games in随后，他们就在房子里玩游戏。）

（二）

Storyteller:A big wolf is hiding be-idea.Just then,the Mother Rabbit is the arm.

（一只大灰狼正躲在树后，他在打着坏主意。这时，兔妈妈提着一篮子萝卜回来了。） Mother Rabbit:（Singing a song.唱起了歌。） Little Rabbits,open the door.

（小兔子乖乖，把门开开，妈妈回来了。）

Big Wolf:Ah,I know their secret.啊，我知道他们的秘密了。）

Mother Rabbit:（Walking into the house.进了家门。）

Good evening,my children.Are you hungry?

Let"s have supper!

（晚上好，孩子们！你们饿了吧？咱们吃晚饭吧。）

Storyteller: The Big Bad Wolves（大灰狼来了）

Storyteller:Then next day,the（第二天，兔妈妈要出门了。）

Mother Rabbit:I am going to pick the door ,don"t open the door for strangers （我要去采蘑菇。千万记住，不要给陌生人开门。）

All:OK.

Storyteller:Three rabbits close the a while,they hear some one knocking at door.

Big Wolf:（Learn to sing.学着唱。）Little Rabbits,open the door.

Mother coming back.

（小兔子乖乖，把门开开，妈妈回来了。）

Red Eyes and Short Tail:Mother is（妈妈回来了。）

Long Ears:（Stop them opening the阻止他俩开门。）No.It"s not our mother.That isn"t like Mother"s voice. （不对。不是妈妈，那不像妈妈的声音。）

Red Eyes:Let me see.It"s not really（让我来看看。果然不是妈妈。）

Big Wolf:（Bang!Bang!Bang!）I"m your mother.Open the door in a hurry.

（我是你们的妈妈，快开门啊。）

Long Ears:All right.You must show your tail.

（好吧。那你必须把你的尾巴从门缝里伸进来）

Big Wolf:OK.

Storyteller:The clever rabbits clip the（小兔子把大灰狼的尾巴夹住了。）

Mother Rabbit:You Big Bad Wolf!（你这个大灰狼！）

Storyteller:With her words,she hits（说着，她捡起棍子狠狠地打大灰狼。）

Big Wolf:Oh.My God!My tail hurts.（噢。我的天啊！我的尾巴受伤了。）

Storyteller:The wolf"s tail is broken.

mother"s voice,they open the door and hug their mother.

（大灰狼的尾巴被夹断了，他逃走了。小兔子听到妈妈的声音，打开门，扑进妈妈的怀里。）

Mother Rabbit:My clever children.（我的乖孩子们。）

旁白：It’s a cold evening. The Titanic has sunken. Rose, Jack and Oscar are on the life boat floating in the ocean. This is Jack. This is Rose and this is Oscar, her husband-to-be.（边说边介绍，三人坐在课桌上）

Oscar: Oh, honey~ Are you OK? （边说边将手搭上Rose肩）

Jack: She is my girl.（打开Oscar的手）

Oscar: You are so cold.（脱下报纸披在R身上面向观众）what you wear, what you are.

Jack: What are you doing! （扔掉校服，脱下自己的羽绒服抖了抖，面向观众）BoSideng（波斯登）, warm and comfortable, it’s my choice.（将羽绒服披在Rose身上）

Rose:（向Jack）I love you.（向观众）But I love BoSideng more.

Oscar: Hey! She is my wife-to-be, who are you?

Jack: I am I. Wo de di pan wo zuo zhu（我的地盘我做主）.

Oscar: People on the Earth all know, She, and I, will go to New York to have our wedding. Rose: But now……

Jack: Don’t say any more! Take your knife out! （从口袋里掏出铅笔，紧握手中）

Oscar: Ok. Let’s go fighting! （同样掏出铅笔紧握手中）

Jack & Oscar: Fighting! （用铅笔互戳）----小蜜蜂~

Rose: No, no, no! Please stop! （拉二人）( J & O不小心将Rose推下桌子——落水）

Rose: Help, help!（Jack & Oscar将拉上Rose桌子）

Oscar: Honey, how are you?

Rose:（向观众）PiaoRou（飘柔）, just so confident~（甩头发）

（Rose不小心推Oscar，Oscar落水） Oscar: Help, help!

Rose: Oh, no! （向Oscar伸手）（Jack抓过Rose的`手，对视）

Jack:（唱）你是我的玫瑰，你是我的花…You are my life, you are my honey~

Rose: But……what about Oscar?

Jack: Don’t pay attention to him.

Rose: OK. Darling~ I love you, loving you, like mouse love rice~

旁白：At this time, Oscar has been far away……Jack and Rose are still floating in the ocean. It’s colder and colder.

Jack: Do you feel cold?

Rose: Yes. You see we are so lonely.

Jack: Don’t worry. I have this! （从口袋里掏出打火机，并向观众展示）This is a magic DaHuoji（打火机）.（Jack按下打火机）（Superwoman上，胸前贴一张纸，上书S）

Superwoman:（向观众）Do you know who am I? I am Superwoman! The famous Superman is my brother. I’m willing to help others.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?（Superwoman无视，面向Jack）

Superwoman: Oh, pretty boy~ Come here, I will save you.

Jack: Take my girl together.

Superwoman: No way!（Superwoman下）（Jack第二次按下打火机）

（Indian Princess上，向观众合掌问候）

Princess: I am a princessfromIndia.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?

Princess: OK. I have a magic blanket, maybe it can take you away. Come on.（从口袋里掏出围巾）（Jack & Rose 尝试伸出脚，Princess上下晃动围巾）

Princess: Oh, no, it’s broken! My blanket! （边说边后退，渐远）

（Indian Princess下）（Jack第三次还没按，Harry Potter上，提着扫帚）

Harry: Yi? Where am I? （向观众）My name is Harry Potter. I’mfromHogwarts（霍格沃茨）. I lose my way.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?

Harry: I really want to help you, but my ability is limited.（耸肩）

Jack:（愤怒地）Oh, my god! Go away at once! （指向前方）（Harry Potter下）

旁白：Suddenly, the life boat is shaking because Jack and Rose are too heavy.

Jack: Rose, listen to me. I love you, but I will leave you.The boat can’t support us for

a long time. You must live, so I will jump into the sea.

Rose: No, no, no. Jump or not jump, this is a question.

Jack: Then let the God decide it（二人低头虔诚祈祷状）

Rose: God will bless us.（Jack和Rose同时从身后伸出手来，包剪锤）

Jack & Rose: One two three!（Jack出锤子，Rose出包子）

Jack: I lose. You see, it’s God’s choice.（Rose连连摇头）

Rose: Oh, no. Jack, Jack, why your name is Jack!

Jack: I wish you a happy life. Good-bye!（Jack跳下桌子，Rose伸手拉，未果）

Rose: You jump, I jump.（Rose跳下桌子，O未死， 继续叫救命……）

（旁白唱my heart will go on，音乐起，全剧终。Jack & Rose跳舞，张开手臂经典动作作结。）.

人物： rabbit（小兔），fox（狐狸），monkey（小猴），tortoise（乌龟），mummy bear（熊妈妈），baby bear（熊宝宝），lion（狮子），bird（小鸟）。

布景：大森林背景，舞台右角是一座小房子，一棵木瓜树，中间有一棵大树，舞台左角有一块大石头，左角后台阶上有两棵桃树。

（大幕在抒情、优美的音乐声中徐徐开启）

:In this beautiful forest, There live many lovely animals, they love each other and live a happy life!

在一个美丽的大森林里，住着许许多多的小动物，他们在一起相亲相爱，生活得可幸福了！

第一景：小动物群舞

小兔舞 （音乐：活泼、轻快、跳跃）

狐狸舞 （扭动腰肢，跳节奏感极强的迪斯科）

乌龟舞 （一伸一缩，音乐：缓慢、低沉、滑稽）

小猴舞 （调皮、灵巧，可用西游记主题曲）

（音乐转为轻柔、舒缓，小兔一人旋转跳舞，音乐渐弱转为流水声，舞台灯光转暗，布景为湖边，木瓜树下。）

第二景：:"咕咚"（清晰而响亮）

小兔：（吃惊的样子，四处看看）What’s the matter?

什么东西？

（倒退几步，拔腿就跑，正好撞上了狐狸。）

狐狸：（奇怪的神情）What’s the matter? Why are you running?

跑什么呀？出了什么事？

小兔：（气喘嘘虚的样子）："Gu dong, Gu dong is coming."

咕咚，咕咚来了。

狐狸：（害怕的样子）：Oh! Horrible, let’s run.

哇！太可怕了，让我们跑吧！

（这时候，熊妈妈提着篮子和熊宝宝从树后走出来，正好看到慌慌张张奔跑的小兔和狐狸。）

熊妈妈：（很惊奇的样子）：What’s the matter? Why are you running?

出了什么事？你们跑什么呀？

小兔、狐狸（合）：Gu dong is coming.

小熊：（害怕并躲在妈妈的怀里）mummy mummy, I’m frightened.

妈妈、妈妈，我害怕！

熊妈妈：（安慰宝宝）Oh! dear, Don’t be frightened, let’s run quickly.

乖宝宝，别害怕，让我们跑吧！快，快

（小猴、小鸟、乌龟在另一角台阶的桃树上看到，感到很奇怪）

小猴：（指着奔跑的小动物）Why? Why are they all running?

为什么，为什么他们都在跑？

乌龟：（很神秘的样子）Perhaps, A monster!

也许，是妖怪来了！

小猴、小鸟：（非常恐惧的样子）Oh, horrible, let’s run!

啊呀！太可怕了，快跑呀！

乌龟：（慌慌张张地跟在后面）wait! just wait.

等一等！

（大狮子正在一块石头下睡觉，众人吵吵闹闹的声音吵醒了它。狮子大吼一声，伸伸懒腰。）

狮子：（很生气的样子） It’s very noise! Why ? why are you all running ?

太吵了，你们为什么都在跑呀？

众人合：（上气不接下气的样子）Gu dong, Gu dong is coming.

狮子：（感到很奇怪）Gu dong , What is it ? Where is it?

"咕咚",什么东西？在哪里？

（大家你看着我，我看着你，都在摇头。）

小猴：（问熊妈妈）Where?

在哪里？

熊妈妈：（摇摇头，）I don’t know.（转而问狐狸）Where

我不知道。 在哪里？

狐狸：（摇摇头，）I don’t know.（转而问小兔）Where?

我不知道。 在哪里？

（众人把目光都集中在小兔的身上。）

小兔：（挠挠脑袋，指着对面）It’s over there.

就在那边！

狮子：（很神气的样子）Let’s go and see.

走，去看看。

（大伙互相看看，都表现出非常害怕的样子。）

狮子：（拍拍胸脯，很勇敢的样子）come on, follow me.

走，跟我走！

（音乐响，一段雄壮有力的进行曲，众人排着整齐的队伍，大踏步地往前走，快到树下时，脚步慢下来。音乐停，全场一片寂静。）

狮子：（四处张望）Where? There is nothing here.

在哪里？什么都没有啊！

（正在这时候，一阵风吹来，咕咚一声，一棵木瓜掉进了湖里。）

小猴：（指着湖边）Oh! It’s a papaya! Gu dong is a papaya!

噢！原来是木瓜呀！

（众人大笑，大幕在笑声中徐徐落下。）

The end.

全剧终

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.

乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

and you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?

丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,

丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,

三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right?

丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同声:we are past,right?

甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?

三人齐答:yes,we do!

甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

人物：追星A, 追星B，追星C，明星，车主 旁白 经纪人

旁白：A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man.

A：(打哈欠)，I need to go to bed, I’m so sleepy.(打哈欠)——边走边说 （趴在讲台上睡）

（进入梦乡）

旁白：In her dream……

(上台摆两个凳子，A做一个)

A：Oh, it’s a fine day. (假装看天) (然后突然不经意的拿起一本书翻看)

明星：(上台)：Oh, it’s a fine day. (然后坐凳子)

(A看着看着书，就不经意的往旁边看，然后再看看书，突然感觉不对劲，在意外的往旁边看，看到了自己最喜爱的那个明星，十分激动，不敢相信这是真的)

A：Are you … are you that … super star?(激动地说不出话)

明星：（随意的回答） Yes, what’s wrong?

A: I’m your fan,super fan. Your photos are full of my bedroom, no, they are full of my house, including kitchen, living room, bedrooms, and… and toilet.

(激动，后面讲到厕所时，还有点不好意思)

(当明星听到厕所时，很惊讶)

明星：You are too…enthusiastic [in,θju:zi'?stik]. (有点嫌弃)

A: Can you give me your signature?

(讲到签名，明星就兴奋了)

明星：Ok ,of course!

A：（大声喊）Oh ,I will have the Handsome______’s signature

(突然，两个人跑过来，B把A给推开了然后两人问明星要签名)

B：Please ,please give me signature!!!!!!!

C: No, give it to me, to me!!!

(两人抢着，A一人孤零零的站在旁边，)

A: Why the result is this ?(抱头痛哭，边走边哭，然后走到睡觉的那个地方，恢复原来的样子，还有点啜泣)

A： Er? Where is it? Oh,it’s just a dream , but ,it’s a bad dream.

It’s too early, I want sleep.(又趴下去)

旁白：In her second dream, the scene is at the crossroads.

A: Look at the tall buildings, they like the …like the …I don’t have any adjrectives to describe them.

(明星上场，走在对面，也在欣赏某些东西)

A：Oh ,look at there, that man is like a star ! Oh ,Oh ,Oh ,(一次比一次激动)he is …..he is…..Handsome_______！I want his signature! But there is too much cars, What can I do? What can I do? I don’t care this any more, the signature is more important!

(正当他准备过马路时，车主做开车动作来了，将要撞A，A很害怕)

车主：Look out!

Aon’t come here, don’t come here!(闭着眼睛) (车主迅速下台)

（A突然站起来，睁开眼睛）

A：A dream .too? Oh, my god, Why do I always can’t get the signature? No, I must get it, sleep again! Yes ,sleep! But ,why do I stand here? I should lie in the bed. Whether these, I must go to bed and get the signature!(趴着又睡)

旁白：In her third dream

(明星在签名，A前面有B, C)

经纪人：One by one,Don’t be wrought-up

A: Yeah,I can get it at last. Before me ,there are only two people.

（到B）

B:I love you very much. My dreamlover.

明星：Thank you

(B下，C上)

C: Oh，I meet you ,can I hug with you ?

明星：Sure.

(两人抱了一下)

（到A）

A: I can get your signature in the end! I’m so excited

(明星面目有点难受的样子，手捂着肚子)

明星：Sorry, can I go to the toilet for a moment? My stomach is hurt a lot.(难受)

A: Yes, make yourselfe at home.

(过来一会儿)

A: Handsome_______ has gone to toilet for such a long time. Is he ok?

经纪人对A说：Sorry, the girl, Handsome_____ perhaps can’tcome here to give you signature, He is too hurt. He went home.

A: Ah? Why always me ? (伤心地离开，走到睡着的地方)

（突然起身）

A :Why always me ? I only want a signature~~ ai~~ What time is it now ? (看了一下钟，表情惊讶) It’s near 8 o’clock .I can’t arrive at the school on time! Oh no ,hurry up hurry up!

初一英语搞笑话剧剧本

话剧创作的'特点.比较突出的表现是创作风格的平民化,反映普通人生活,塑造普通人形象,成为话剧艺术家十分关注的题材。以下是初一英语搞笑话剧剧本，欢迎阅读。

Justice Is The Winner(正义必胜)

by Cecilia Liu 刘怡芬

5人短剧。搞笑的匪徒,搞笑的绑架案，不错的剧本。

人物

Bunny Cheng: Bunny Chen

Eliza Lin: Daughter

Celine Tu: Reporter et Aside

Sano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)

Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)

SCENE I

A mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing. And her daughter is in the school now.

Mom: Hello~

Caller: (A boy is crying.) Ha! Your kid is here. Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.

Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son!!! Don’t try to cheat me. Stupid guy!

The mother is very angry and hung up the phone. But later… the phone is ringing again…

Mom: Hello~

Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now?

Mom: (I recognize the voice.) You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.

Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ”mom, help me~ help me~)

Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor. This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money! If you call again, I will call the cop. Do you understand? (Hang up the phone more angrier.)

But the voice sounds like her daughter’s and the mom is not disturbed. She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter. The mom got there…

Mom: Eliza~

Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up?

Mom: Ya~ are you happy in the school? Let’s go home. I want to tell you something on the way home.

Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.

SCENE II英语剧本大全ww.coffbar.com

Because the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangsters were furious. So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.

The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days. Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.

The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.

Big gangster: Hey! Concentrate!! (The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head)

Small gangster: Ouch! O.K. O.K.

At this moment, the girl appears.

Small gangster: (Check the picture.) Hey!! Buddy!! Look! Is that her?

Big gangster: Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s hunting time.

Small gangster: I’m so excited!! Oh~ what a beautiful girl. Just like a fairy. My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!

Big gangster: (Hitting the small gangster’s head again.) Hey! Wake up!! Stop day-dreaming. Let’s make a move!

Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming!!

Big gangster: Hey!! Lady!! Can you do me a favor?

Eliza: Sure! What can I do for you?

Small gangster: (Murmuring) This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.

Big gangster: Sorry. Ignore what he said.

Eliza: Never mind!

Big gangster: Thanks! I want to go to Tunghai University. Do you know how can I get there?

Eliza: Oh… you should go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street. And…

Eliza: No! No! No! Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.

Eliza: Oh, my! No! Wrong again! You two are really a stupid guy.

Big gangster: It’s too complex. I can’t remember all the directions. I’m a foreigner. And I have an important presentation there. Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~

Eliza was confused. But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.

Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay!! Let’s go!

Small gangster: How kind of you!! My little girl.

Big gangster: Sorry. Just ignore him. Thank for your help.

Eliza goes with the gangsters.

In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife. And shouts, “Don’t move!” Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.

Eliza: What are you doing?

Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!

Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.

Small gangster: (Talk to the big gangster.) Did you hear that, she is scared?

Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.

Eliza: Not funny! I’m hungry. I want to go home! I want to go home!

Small gangster: Shut up. Don’t be so noisy!

Eliza keeps crying.

Small gangster: You! Get out of the car!

Big gangster: (Hit the small gangster angrily!) Idiot! I have a stupid partner. (Disappointed)

Eliza: I agree! (Nod head.)

Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.

Eliza: Thank you. How kind of you.

SCENE III

Mother is preparing dinner.

Mom: Eliza! Eliza! Time for dinner! I’m hungry! Hurry up!

No one answers her. And she realizes there is something wrong.

Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek with me! It’s not funny. I’m hungry.

As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.

Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson. I’m busy finding my daughter. Don’t bother me!

Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha! Ha! Ha… she is right here.

Mom: Good job! Tell her it’s time for dinner. I’m hungry!

Big gangster: Hey! You are clueless. I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!

Mom: Hey! Buddy! Don’t trick me!

Big gangster: Sure! Listen! (The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)

Eliza: Hello! Mom! I’m here! They are so kind. They gave me a lollipop.

The gangster takes the phone away.

Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner. You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.

Mom: Too expensive! 20% off.

Big gangster: Are you buying clothes?

Mom: Bargain is my hobby.

Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm. And remember don’t call the cop. Or you will find your daughter in the lake.

Mom: O.K. See you then!

At Tunghai Lake. The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry. At this time, the mother is coming.

Mom: Ha! (Mom shouts.)

The gangsters and Eliza are shocked. And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor.

Small gangster: Oh,! My fish! Who’s there?

Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife. Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.

Eliza: Hi! Mom, I’m here. Do you want to come here to eat fish?

Big gangster: Where is the ransom?

Mom: Release my daughter first!

Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!

Mom: No way!

And the battle begins.

Mom: Justice is always the winner.

Eliza: Oh~ Yeah! Mom, you win!

Celine: Ha! I got it! I got it! A new…… headline.

Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake. Earlier, there was a violent fighting. A watermelon knife V.S. A B.B.Q. fork. According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter. And the mother won. Now, let’s interview the persons involved.

Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society?

Small gangster: I……

Celine: I…… I know. You are very sorry and regretful. How about you? (Turn to the big gangster.)

Big gangster: None of your business. (Run to the wall.) Leave me alone.

Eliza: Me! Me!

Celine: What do you want to say?

Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool. She came to save me!

Mom: My turn. My turn.

Celine: O.K. O.K. What do you want to say after winning the fight?

Mom: Well……

Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle.

Mom: Yes. And the gangsters…

Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.

Mom: Right. And they…

Celine: They want to trick you, but…

Mom: But… enough. I’m hungry. I want to go home with my daughter.

Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked. First, stay clam and be skeptical about it. The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment. A little doubt can protect you. Second, verify the story. Call the organization to make sure the story is true. Third, report it to the police. And don’t deal with the villains on your own. One phone call will often expose a trap quickly. However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave. She is my idol. I want to keep her sign. This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.

我们班刚演过 ，获得了系里一等奖(孔雀东南飞 英语搞笑剧本) 虽然人物多了一个，可以有群众演员嘛焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)prologue 序幕(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while mywife is wusong.译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!译：我才不怕你呢！(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)my god! who can help me?(下)译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？act1 第一幕(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,solazy……l:but……jm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard alldaylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chickenand……jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)l:mum, i’m back!lm:you are back?why?what happened?l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted onmarrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listento me. look at yourself……l:but,mum……lm:never interrupt me!l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? andi’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughterhaven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll goand tell him.(下)l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! nowshe has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an icegirl,go and take her back!j(立正敬礼):yes madam!act4(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)a:hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)ab&c:give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go androb the wedding!a&b:good idea!j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll gowith you. you take the money and i take the bride.b:have you got any experience?j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(j和三强盗跃至台中)abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!a:the road is built by me!b:and i planted one tree.c:if you want to go by this street---j:give us all your money!(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?l(哭状):i hurt a lot!j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)