海狸鼠小姐
英语短剧剧本The Pocket Money Characters: Narrator(N),Salesman(S),Dad(D),Maggi(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P) Preparation:学校布景,做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景 Scene1（At Salesman’s home） N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty sale sman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming! S: Hello,do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate.My candies arevery popular,I don’t know why.The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money…… Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表) First, put the flour on the table. Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做) Now press, press…… Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的情) Press, press…… Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it! Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,he hehe…… Now let me cut it into pieces! One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀） Wow, everything is ready! 糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu… S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha…… C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场) Scene2（At the school gate） N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩） (小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! …… M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies! A: Yeah! I think they are yummy! M: Let’s ask him. A: OK! C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急） M&A: Why? C: I’m dirty！ M: No, you look nice! C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面) S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩） M&A: How much are they? S: Do you have money?（轻蔑） M&A: Money?(对视) M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极） A: Me too. S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场) M: What can we do now? A: Let’s ask dad for money. M: But how to ask? A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信） M: Good idea!(全部下场) Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home） N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever. (爸爸看报) M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸) A: And play the guitar for us! M: We know you play so well! (爸爸诧异地看着孩子) D: Oh? What a bright day today! M&A: Please, dad!(哀求) D:OKOK! Let’s. (取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss? M&A: Of course! (开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。) D: What’s the matter? M: Dad, we have no money! A: Can we have some please? D: I think you have lots of pocket money ,and you don’t need any more. M:I want to buy some candies at the school gate. A: They look so sweet and nice! M: Other students always buy them! D: But……You can’t ! They are quite unhealthy. Please go and do your homework..(置之不理，转头看报，孩子回到房间) M: What shall we do now? A: Let me think …well, I know!(轻声在Maggie耳边说) M: Oh, you are so clever! Let’s go.(回到爸爸身边) M: Dad, I want a new eraser! A: I want a longer ruler! M&A: Dad, please！ D: Things are expensive these days. We have to save money! M: But dad, my eraser is too small now!(拿出破橡皮来给爸爸看) A: And my ruler is broken.（拿出断尺） D: OK, children. I believe you this time, make sure, don’t buy the food at the school gate. It’s unhealthy! Do you know? M&A: Yes, sir! D: Here you are !( 给钱) M&A: Thanks very much, dad! Bye!(非常高兴，下场) N: The next day, when the class is over ,Maggie and Alice come to the salesman again. They are happy to buy the candies and then have them, but soon they feel a stomachache. (孩子高兴地买了糖，边吃边回家，小贩下场，孩子到家后肚子痛) M: Aiyo!……（两人躬着背进场） A: ……. D: What’s wrong? M: I’ve a stomachache! A: Me too! D: What did you eat? The food at the school gate? M: Yes. We had some candies just now. A: I had some too! D: Oh! You’ve cheated me! You bought the candies instead of the eraser and ruler. I always tell you that don’t buy the food at the school gate, they are unhealthy!（生气） M: But they look nice! A: And tastes good! M&A: Aiyo…… D:Well, Let’s go to the salesman together and have a look! M&A: OK. Scene 4: (At the school gate) N: When they get to the school gate, a policeman is asking the salesman to go away. (正走到校门口，发现警察驱赶校门口的小贩) P: Hey! You shouldn’t stay here, leave now! C: Let’s go home, let’s go home! (轻声并拉小贩) S: No! My candies are nice and popular here! And… C: You are telling a lie! I’m very dirty and unhealthy! M&A: Dad, it’s him! Aiyo…（指着小贩） D: He? (警察走过来问爸爸，朝小孩) P: What’s the matter with them? D: They got a stomachache after having his candies. S: Really? But I’ve never heard of it. And…… P: Stop, stop!(打断小贩) Look at the two girls! Are you guilty? You must be honest with the students, and don’t sell candies any more.（非常严厉） S: OK. I know. (羞愧) C: Let’s go home. Let’s go home. Policeman(对小孩): Girls, please listen! Don’t buy the candies next time. They are bad for your health. D: Yes, he is right. And you shouldn’t tell a lie to me. Try to be an honest person! Will you? M&A: OK, dad! P: Let’s take them to the hospital now. D: OK, Let’s go. N（出场）: A few days later, the girls recovered. And this story is trying to tell you that some of the phenomenon must be kept down, we hope it could be improved soon.
多彩装修
三人英语搞笑话剧剧本
话剧指以对话为主的戏剧形式。下面是我为你带来的三人英语搞笑话剧剧本 ，欢迎阅读。
3人短剧，简单有趣，每人不超过10句话，并且都是很简单的话，经理只有一句词，但是还比较有水平。由一个笑话改编。
最后结果出人意料，其实是服务生误解了顾客。
C,the customer.
W,the waiter.
M,the manager.
In the restaurant.
W:What can I do for you,sir?
C:Beijing Roast Duck,Tomato and Egg Soup.That's all.
W:A moment.
W:Yours,sir.
C:Thank you.
C:Waiter.
W:Yes?Sir.
C:How can I have the soup?
W:I'm sorry.Sir.I'll change it for you.
W:Here your soup.Sir.
C:Thank you.
C:waiter!
W:Sir.
C:How can I have the soup?
W:Er.I'm terribly sorry.I change it in a second.
C:Sir.I'm sorry for the soup.Now is the soup.
W:OK.
C:Waiter!!
W:Sir?
C:Call your manager,please.
M:I'm sorry,sir,but what's wrong with the soup?
C:How can I have the soup without a SPOON?
人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒
J：沙僧
B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的`村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头
T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?
S: Bajie,map!
E: (摸出，递给S)
S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!
E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)
T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west
E: But……
T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?
E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.
S: Fat Pig!
E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….
S: You will what(凶相)?
E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).
S: Hm!
T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?
E: You see , boss is hungry,too!
T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..
T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?
S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）
J: This is…..?
S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!
T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!
S: Bye!(走)
T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》
B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)
B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?
J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.
B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!
T: Bomb?(打出)
B1: Double King!
T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)
S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)
B1: （倒)Ah……
T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!
S: She is a monster!
T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)
S: Oh,please don’t……
T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)
S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)
T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!
B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)
B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?
T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)
S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)
E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)
J: Look,(伸食指)how many?
T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)
B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)
S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)
T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!
S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!
T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!
S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》
J: boss, brother Monkey is.......
T: Don't mention that guy any more!
B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)
T: （惊）You are......
B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)
B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......
S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.
T: Wukong?
E: Oh,Brother Monkey!
J: Our hero is back!
T: I,I can't understand......What happened?
S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!
T: How,how did you find out?
S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)
T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)
S: What?
T: I'm sorry.
S: Em? Louder,please?
T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）
(谢幕)
刘德华特首
Little Red Riding Hood 小红帽 第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家 Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里） Little Red Riding Hood 唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing? Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma. Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok! Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful. Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy. Mum： Bye-bye. Darling. 第二场：在路上 (一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁) Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers. Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼) Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill. Wolf：（自言自语）I’ ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks. Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞) Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后） Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks，how are you? Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going? Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye. Six Ducks：Goodbye． 第三场：Grandma家 Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。） Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang． Grandma： Who is it？ Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood. Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in. Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you. Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上） 灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。 Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep. Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma． Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？ Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise! Wolf：Come in， Come in. Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears! Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice. Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes! Wolf：I can see you pretty face. Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand. Wolf：I can hug you. Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands? Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you! Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No! Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping. Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping. Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声) Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut. Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you． Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones． Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线) Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three. Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里) Grandma： I’ll thread it. Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up! Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy. Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms! Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me! Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang! Wolf： (应声倒下) Hunter： The bad wolf is dead． Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you． Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you 《白雪公主》英语小剧本白雪公主 SNOW WHITE CONTENTS SW-白雪公主 Q-皇后 M-魔镜 H-猎人 P-白马王子 D-小矮人 A-小动物 音乐起，旁白 A long time ago, In a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young king and queen, the people loved them so much; the queen died while giving birth to a girl, her name was Snow White, She was a beautiful princess. Year passed, the king got married again, The people didn’t love the new queen, because she was cruel. One day, In the king’s palace: 白雪出场 S.w: My name is S.w , I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother? Where is my mother? 音乐起，皇后、魔镜出场 Q: I am a queen, I’m very beautiful,Where is Mirror? Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the most beautiful? M: S.w is much more beautiful than you! Q: Hunter, go kill S.w. 猎人出场 H: Yes, my queen 音乐起，小动物出场，追赶猎人，公主惊慌出逃 S.w: Help me ,help me, please, please A: what’s the matter with you? S.w: The hunter…hunter… A: bite you bite you … 小动物追赶猎人下场 S.w: I am tried and hungry, oh, there is a little house , I will eat a little and lie down. 音乐起，7个小矮人出场， D: 1\Look, somebody ate my food 2\somebody drank my water 3\someone is sleeping now 4\What a beautiful girl! 小矮人睡觉音乐起公主先醒了小矮人醒了对话 5\How do you do? S.w: How do you do? My name is S.w … Nice to meet you! D: （齐说）Nice to meet you ,too 6\ welcome to our house! 7\Would you like to live here? S.w: My pleasure, thank you very much! D: Let’s go out for our work, bye-bye, S.W 皇后、魔镜出场 Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most beautiful? M: S.w is much more beautiful than you! Q: What? S.w is not dead? Hahaha, I got a good idea! 音乐起，皇后扮演老太太出场，对话 Q: Apple ,apple, beautiful apple, S.w: Hello, Good morning grandma! Q: pretty girl ,would you like a bite? S.w: Oh, yes ,thank you grandma! 白雪公主咬一口后倒地 Q: The girl is dead! Hahaha… 小矮人出场、围着公主哭 S.w wake up, wake up… 音乐起，动物引着王子出场 P: A beautiful girl! She shall be my queen! 王子吻公主，公主醒了 S.w: Thank you for your help! P: My pleasure 音乐起，小动物、小矮人、公主、王子跳起欢快的舞
单色的星空
An English play---- Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King 悟空：师傅，是不是太累了？休息一下再走吧。 Master, are you tired? Let’s have a rest. 唐僧：没关系，前面不远就有人家了，到了那里再休息吧。 I am fine. Let’s have a rest later. Look! There is a house over there. 悟空仔细地搀扶唐僧继续行走，同时另一边老头、老妈、小媳妇出场。 小媳妇（做哭状）：爹、妈，我…… Daddy, mommy, I, I … 老头：女儿，快走吧，不然那猪精来了，就走不了了。 Honey, hurry up. The spirit is coming soon. 小媳妇走几步又回头跑回老妈的怀里，抱头痛哭。老头在一边叹息，擦泪。 唐僧、悟空走到他们面前。 悟空：师傅，到了。 Master, here we are. 唐僧（走到老头面前行礼，悟空看见了正在哭的母女俩，觉得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是从 东土大唐前往西天取经的和尚，想借贵地休息一晚，不知方便否？ Excuse me, sir. I am the monk from the east. Can we stay over here tonight? 老头（做哽咽状）：哦，是东土大唐来的高僧啊，可以可以。（别过脸去继续哭泣） Oh, you are the monk from the east. Sure. Sure, come in, please …… 唐僧正在奇怪，老妈闻声抬起头，仔细打量唐僧，突然扑到唐僧面前。 老妈：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女儿，救救我们一家啊。 Master, please save my daughter, save my family… 唐僧：老施主休要伤心，有什么事慢慢说。 Don’t be sad, madam. Take it easy. What happened? 老头：高僧有所不知，我们这里有一只猪精，今天要来跟我女儿成亲，大家都斗不过它，现在正 准备把女儿送出去逃避 Master, there is a spirit here. He wants to marry my daughter, tonight. We are all afraid of him. 唐僧：施主莫怕，我这徒弟本领高强，也许他能帮上你们。 Calm down, sir. My apprentice has great capability. Maybe, he can help you. 老头：唉，高僧啊，以前也来过自称本领高强的师傅，结果都被这猪精打跑了。今天你们就躲着 别出来了吧。 Alas! , master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable. But every time, they were defeated by the spirit. You’d better keep away tonight. 悟空：噢，有这么厉害的妖怪？我倒要会他一会。待会你们只管躲起来，外面发生什么事，都不 用管。 What? Is the spirit really so strong? I’d like to see how great he is. All of you just stay inside. Don’t come out no matter what happens. 这时起了风声（音乐），老头一家吓得站起来混身发抖。小媳妇吓得直往老妈怀里钻。悟空镇定 地举手示意，让师傅及老头一家人躲到房间里面去。自己也手搭凉篷看了看，便不慌不忙地也躲 在了门后，露出一段红袖子。 猪八戒大笑着耀武扬威地走上场来，嘴里大喊：小娘子，我来了。 Darling, here I am. 站在台上停一下，见没有动静，觉得奇怪，往房屋里看去，见露出一段红袖子，高兴地一拍手掌。 八戒：小娘子还害羞呢，不敢出来见老猪吗？来，来，来，我们就要是夫妻了，还害什么羞呀！。 Darling, don’t be so shy! Please come to me. Come on, we will be a couple. 猪八戒跑上去轻轻拉住红袖子，把小娘子拖了出来，小娘子作出害羞的样子，有时又做出猴子的 模样。 八戒：小娘子，不用怕，我虽然长得丑，但本领高强，一定会让你过上好日子的。 Darling, don’t be afraid. Although I am ugly, I am so powerful. I am sure that I can make you happy. 小娘子笑着点头，抓耳挠腮。 八戒：小娘子，你高兴的时候干嘛要像猴子一样？ Darling, why do you look like a monkey ? 小娘子：我一高兴就觉得痒，所以就抓一抓。 When I am happy, I always tickle. 八戒：高兴就好，高兴就好。我们快入洞房吧。 Fine, let’s go to the bedroom. 八戒拉住小娘子就往房子里面钻。小娘子作出动脑筋的样子，又把八戒拉回来。 八戒：哇，小娘子，你好大的力气啊，干嘛把我拉出来啊？ Darling. Why are you so powerful? 小娘子：夫君，你这模样进去会吓着我的父母的，还是去你家里吧。 Honey, your appearance will frighten my parents. We’d better go to your home. 八戒：去我家？那太好了，我们这就走吧。 Go to my house？OK. that’s a great idea. Let’s go. 两人走了几步，小女子做出腿疼摔了一下的样子，八戒忙扶起她，作出痛惜的样子。 小女子：我一个弱女子，哪里能走这么远？夫君背我吧。 I cannot walk any further. Can you carry me on your back? 八戒：背你？好，好，好。谁让你是我的媳妇呢？ Carry you on my back? All right. You're my wife after all. Come on. 八戒把小女子背上：娘子，我们这就出发了。 Darling, Let's go. 小女子（在八戒头上一点）：走吧，呆子。 Okay. Let’s go. 音乐响起(直到八戒摔倒)。八戒在台上走一圈，做出越走越慢，越走越累的样子。小女子在他背 上抓耳挠腮，非常高兴。 八戒：小娘子，你怎么这么重啊？ Darling, why are you so heavy? 小女子：不是我重，只怕是你不想背我吧？ Do you think so? Don't you want to carry me?) 八戒：不,不,不，我背，我背。 Yes, I do. I do. 继续艰难地走。小女子得意地在背上笑。八戒体力不支，一跤摔倒，小女子倒地之后， 灵活地越上台上的假山，先做出猴子笑看八戒的样子，再做出摔疼了的样子在那里呻吟。 八戒听到女子的呻吟，忙东张西望找小媳妇。 八戒：娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，你摔到哪去了？怎么看不见你了？ Darling, are you OK? Darling, where are you? Why can't I see you? 小女子（偷偷地笑，再装作痛苦的样子）：夫君，我在这里呢。 Honey, I am here. 八戒：哇，娘子, 你怎么摔到高的地方去了？ Darling. Why did you go up there? 小女子：还不是你这呆子害的。 That's your fault. 八戒：对不起，娘子。对不起，娘子。 Sorry, darling. I’m very sorry. 小女子：看你这么辛苦，我也摔疼了，那就休息休息吧。 You look so tired, and I feel sore. Let’s have a rest. 八戒：太好了。 我们就休息一下吧！ Have a rest? That’s a good idea. Let’s have a rest. 八戒听了高兴地坐在下面休息，小女子仔细地打量他。 小女子（撒娇地）：夫君，你是哪里的神仙，我都还不知道，怎么能嫁给你呢？你可要告诉我。 Honey, how can I marry you? I don’t even know where you come from. You must tell me the truth first. 八戒：唉，别提了，想当年我本是天上的天篷元帅，上天入地，八面威风。只因冒犯了嫦娥， 被玉帝贬下凡尘，错投了猪胎，长成这般模样。 Alas! Don’t mention it. I was Tianpeng marshal, I could fly between heaven and the world. Only because I made a big mistake, I was punished by Yudi. So I became a pig. That’s why I am so ugly. 小女子：亏你长得这么丑，还敢出来见人。 You look too ugly to meet people. 八戒：本来我也不想出来，只是南海观音点化我，叫我在这里等候前往西天的取经人。等了这么久， 也不见，便出来逛逛，能碰到娘子你，是我一生的造化，还管它什么西天取经呢？（八戒高兴地过 去想拉小女子的手） I didn’t want to come here. Nanhai Guanyin asked me to wait for Tangseng. I've been waiting for a long time, but nobody has come. It’s lucky to meet you here. 小女子（把手甩开）：你说自己是天上的神仙，怎么连我都背不动，真让人难以相信。 You said that you were an immortal in the heaven . Why can’t you carry me? It’s impossible! 八戒：我真的是天上的神仙，你干嘛不信呢你。 I am really the immortal. Why don’t you believe me? 小女子：那你拿出点本事来瞧瞧。 Show me some gongfu then.八戒：好，让我露两手来给你看看。 OK, let me show you my gongfu. 从石头后拿出钉钯，舞了起来。小女子暗暗点头。当八戒的钉色舞到小女子面前时，被小女子一把 抓住，往石山后面一拖，八戒被拖了过去。 八戒：娘子，你怎么这么大的力气？ Darling. Why are you so strong? 小女子：有本事你把我拖出去呀。 Pull me out if you can . 八戒做出用力拖的样子，没有发现拖出来的却是悟空。悟空一松手，八戒摔倒在地。 八戒：娘子，你怎么这么狠心把我摔倒了? 不要开玩笑了。 How could you let me fall down? Don’t kid any longer. 悟空大笑：呆子，看看我是谁！ You Silly! Look at me. Who am I? 八戒一看，吓得跳起来：齐天大圣，我的妈呀。 My god! You are Mahatma! 八戒转身想跑，被悟空拦住，两人打了起来，八戒不是对手，被悟空压住，不能动弹。 悟空：呆子，你可还敢在这里害人不成？ You silly! Dare you harm others any more? 八戒：不敢了，不敢了。 No, I dare not! 悟空： 你可还敢在这里娶媳妇？ Dare you wive yet? 八戒：不敢了。大圣爷爷饶我。 No,no. Please forgive me, Mahatma. 悟空：量你也不敢。 I bet you dare not. 悟空放开，八戒转身想跑，被悟空一把抓住耳朵，疼得直叫。 悟空：呆子，想往哪里去？ You silly, where are you going? 八戒：我已答应你，不再闹事了，干嘛还不放我走？ I'll never make trouble any more. Why don't you let me go? 悟空：呆子，我带你去见取经人。 You silly, I'm taking you to meet the sutra-seeker. 八戒：什么？取经人来了？ What? Has Tangseng come? 悟空：走吧。 Yes. Let's go! 两人在台上走半圈，来到房前。 悟空：师傅，出来吧，这妖怪已经被我降服了。 Master, please come out! The spirit has been defeated ! 唐僧等人走了出来，老头一家还有些战战兢兢。 悟空：呆子，还不跪下，见过师傅。 You silly, kneel down to meet your master. 八戒忙对着唐僧下跪，口喊师傅。唐僧非常吃惊。 Master, nice to meet you here. 唐僧：徒儿，这是怎么回事？ My prentice, what's up? 悟空：师傅，这是观世音菩萨特意让他在此等候陪您上西天取经的。 Master, he will accompany you to the west at Guanyin's behest. 唐僧：哦，多谢观世音菩萨，既然这样我就收你为徒，赐你法名为 八戒。 I see! Thank Guanyin! Since then, I will take you as my prentice and name you Bajie. 八戒：谢谢师傅（站了起来）。 Thank you, my master! 老头：恭喜高僧又收神徒。 Congratulations! 唐僧：徒儿们，我们上路吧。（八戒还依依不舍地看着小女子） Let's go ahead, my prentices. 悟空：八戒，还看什么呢？走了。 Bajie, there is nothing to attach to. Let's go! 八戒恋恋不舍地走到前面带路。大话西游经典电影对白欣赏(英文版，暴笑）唐僧：干什么？ What’s up? 悟空：放手！ Let go! 唐僧：你想要啊？悟空，你要是想要的话你就说话嘛，你不说我怎么知道你想要呢，虽然你很有诚意地看着我，可是你还是要跟我说你想要的。你真的想要吗？那你就拿去吧！你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗？…… You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really? 悟空：我Kao！(悟空一拳将唐僧打倒。) Shit! 观音：啊？孙悟空…… Monkey King…… 悟空：大家看到啦？这个家伙没事就长篇大论婆婆妈妈叽叽歪歪，就好象整天有一只苍蝇，嗡……对不起，不是一只，是一堆苍蝇围着你，嗡…嗡…嗡…嗡…飞到你的耳朵里面，救命，救命啊！(悟空倒地翻滚，异常痛苦。) See, this guy keeps talking all the time, we don’t know what he’s talking about. He’s just like a fly hanging around. Sorry, not a fly. It’s a swarm of flies flying near your ears…… Flying into your brain. Help. Help! 悟空：所以呢我就抓住苍蝇挤破它的肚皮把它的肠子扯出来再用它的肠子勒住他的脖子用力一拉，呵－－！整条舌头都伸出来啦！我再手起刀落哗－－！整个世界清净了。现在大家明白，为什么我要杀他！ So I catch that fly. Open its belly. Take out its intestine. Put its intestine around its own neck.Then I pull the intestine tightly. Everybody, the tongue comes out. I use a blade and cut! Wow! All the people keep silent. Now you know why…… Why I need to kill. 观音：哼！悟空，你诸多借口，你根本就不想去取西经！ Monkey King, you have so many excuses. You don’t want to get scriptures in the west. 悟空：说那么多干什么，打呀！我老孙有金刚不坏之身，十个观音我都不放在眼里。(俩人一番斗法，悟空被观音降服收入甘露瓶。) Shut up please! Beat! I’ve got a super body. You can’t hurt me. I don’t scare of any god. 观音：今天我要替天行道！ I’m gonna punish you. 唐僧：哎哎！徒弟有错做师傅的也有责任，求姐姐放他一条生路吧！ If a disciple has made a mistake, his master needs to take the responsibility. Goddess, please pardon him! 观音：我不消灭他没法儿向玉皇大帝交代！ I have to do so, I need to report to Heaven Emperor. 唐僧：请姐姐跟玉皇大帝说一声，贫僧愿意一命赔一命！(合十坐地，将法杖向空中一抛) Goddess, please tell Heaven Emperor, I can sacrifice my life for him. 观音：Longevity Monk. 唐僧：喃呒阿弥陀佛！(法杖将唐僧砸死。) Namonitabhaya…
