妞妞宝贝814
英语幽默故事三则
下面是网我为大家带来的英语幽默故事三则，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
1.Bragging 吹牛
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off，“said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."
三名著名的外科医生在吹嘘着各自的高超医术。其中一个说:“有个人切断了一只手，他来找我治疗，如今，他已成为音乐会的小提琴手。”
That's nothing." said another.“A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on，and today that man is a marathon runner."
“那有什么，”另一个不服，“有个家伙的`两条腿全断了，我给他接上了。现在这家伙是马拉松运动员。”
"I can top both of you，"said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. ,There was nothing left but a horse's posterior---and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in the United States Senate. "
“你们俩都比不上我。”第三个人说，“有一天，我被叫到一起事故的现场。当时那儿什么都没留下，只有一个马屁股和一副眼镜。现在那个人就坐在美国参议院中。”
2.Wrongly dressed 穿错了
I wanted to look especially nice when I valked my son to his first day of kindergarten，so I took the liberty of borrowing an outfit from my younger，more fashionable sister，who was staying with us at the time. We had agreed not to borrow from one another without asking，but she was asleep，so I slipped some shorts and a shirt out of her drawer silently，planning to put them back before she woke up.
在陪儿子上幼儿园的第一天，我想打扮一下自己。我打算从妹妹那儿借身外衣，她年径而且时髦。妹妹和我们住在一起。我们有约在先，不经过对方的同意不能拿别人的东西。但那时她仍在睡觉。于是，我从她的衣拒里轻径拿走几条短裤和一件村衣，本想趁她没醒来时再放回去。
To my surprise .she was awake when I got back, but she didn't mention the clothes. We chatted about Jason's introduction to kindergarten. Finally，she smiled and asked coolly，"And how did Jason's teacher like my pajamas?"
让我吃惊的是，当我送儿子去幼儿园回来后，妹妹已经醒了。但她没说衣服的事儿。我们聊了聊儿子吉森在幼儿园做自我介绍的情况。最后，妹妹笑着并不动声色地问:“吉森的老师觉得我的睡衣怎徉?”
3.Dating for mother 为母亲约会
When the young waitress in the cafe in my building started waving hello every day，I was flattered. She was at least 15 years younger than I.
在我工作的大楼里有间咖啡馆，那儿的女招待每天见到我都向我打招呼。我因此受宠若惊。要知道她至少要比我小15岁。
One day she waved and beckoned to me. When I strolled over，she asked，"Are you single?"
有一天，她见到我后，朝我招手示意让我过去。于是，我便走了过去。她问我，“你现在是单身吗?”
Why，yes,"I replied，smiling at her broadly.
“对，是单身。”我满脸堆笑地说。
" So is my mom，”she said.”Would you like to meet her?"
“我母亲也是，”她说:“你愿意不愿意见见她。”
scarlett0306
下面是我整理的10个经典英语幽默 故事 ，欢迎大家阅读!
英语幽默故事1.
When I checked on to a hotel in my last visit to the U.S.A., the receptionist said: “ Do you want a room with a shower or a bath?”
Thinking of the money, I asked, “ What’s the difference?”
“Well, “ he said, “ with a shower, you have to stand up.”
英语幽默故事2.
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. “ I feel terrible,” she said. “ I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seam of your trousers.”
“Forget it,” consoled her husband. “”Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. “ And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.
英语幽默故事3.
The new bank teller was given a package of dollar bills with the instruction to count them and see if there were a hundred. He counted up to fifty-eight and then threw the bundle down.
“ Why did you stop?” asked the bank manager
” If it’s right this far, said the teller, “ It’s probably right all the way.”
英语幽默故事4.
Landlady: An inventor once had this room. He invented an explosive.
New Lodger: Oh, I suppose those spots on the ceiling are the explosives.
L: No, that’s the inventor.
英语幽默故事5.
Plumber: I’m sorry I’m late, but I just couldn’t get here any sooner.
M: Well, no time’s been wasted. While we were waiting for you, I taught my wife how to swim.
英语幽默故事6.
M: There are two slices of pie in the cupboard this morning and now there’s only one. Can you explain that?
S: It was so dark, I didn’t see the other slice.
英语幽默故事7.
In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, “ What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?”
“ To be deaf,” replied the boy.”
“ Nonsense!” said the teacher angrily.
“ Why, sir! Don’t you know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?” the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
英语幽默故事8.
A newspaper boy was selling newspapers in the street. He kept shouting at the top of his voice: “ Read all about it! A big swindling case! Eighty-two persons were swindled!” His curiosity aroused, a man went over and bought a copy. He searched through it and couldn’t find anything about the swindling case. Then he heard the newspaper boy shout: “ Read all about it! A big swindling case! Eighty-three persons were swindled!”
英语幽默故事9.
Five-year-old Tommy is fascinated by planes, and rushed outside every time he hears one to watch it until it becomes a speck in the distance. So when he finally had the chance to fly for the first time, he is pop-eyed with excitement. About ten minutes after take-off, he asks expectantly, “ When do we start to get smaller, Mummy?”
英语幽默故事10.
A man was told by his physician that he had only six months to live. “ Doc,” he said, “ is there anything I can do?”
“ Yes,” replied the doctor. “ First, give all your possessions to the poor. Next, move to a cold-water shack in the backwoods. And then marry a woman with nine young children.”
“ Will this give me more time?”
“ No-- but it’ll be the longest six months in your life!”
