sml90050056
送个两个 ，你自己选一个，第一个比较搞笑 ，第二个比较简单 你自己看着办 ，但愿有你喜欢的 ！英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》 Wander severy five miles 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort) 焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort) 太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC) Prologue本文转自：小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影 (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪) J:Everybody says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong. (指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you! (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom? My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell(地狱)! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J) MyGod!Who can help me?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状) JM(拄拐棍上):I can! (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum? JM:I‘ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”. L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up? JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so lazy…… L:But…… JM:Never interrupt me! L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and…… JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson! L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下) Act2 (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上) L:Mum,I’m back! LM:You are back?Why?What happened? L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law. LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself…… L:But,mum…… LM:Never interrupt me! L:Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to. LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Haven‘t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下) L(惊愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done (下) Act3本文转自：(J睡眼惺忪上) J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch !Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are stilldirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself. JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet? J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone! JM(沉吟刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice girl,go and take her back! J(立正敬礼):Yes madam! Act4 (J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗) A:Hey you!Stop and Listen to us! The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上) B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上) C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚) AB&C:Give us all your money! J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is 1mao enough? (三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) A:What bad luck!This guy is broken! B:If we can not rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight! C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lanzhi next month.WE can go and rob the wedding! A&B:Good idea! J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible! AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple! J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet! (突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go with you.You take the money and I take the bride. B:Have you got any experience? J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) Act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中) ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us! A:The road is built by me! B:And I planted one tree. C:If you want to go by this street--- J:Give us all your money! (L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头) L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后) (MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒) J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去） (J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS) (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,how are you? L(哭状):I hurt a lot! J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下) (音乐起 Can You Celebrate) 2、英语短剧：小兔子乖乖 时间：阳光明媚的星期天早晨 地点：鸟语花香的动物王国 人物：Little Duck，Miss Cat， Miss Rabbit，Mr Dog 旁白：Little Duck要去看望外婆。一路上他又唱又跳，高兴极了。在小河边，他碰到了Miss Cat。 Duck：（很好奇）Hello，Miss Cat．Whatre you doing？ Cat：（急得抓耳挠腮）Hello，Little Duck．Theres a big fish in the river．Im hungry，but I cant get it． Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you． （Little Duck跳进水里，一会儿就帮Miss Cat抓到了鱼。） Duck：Here is the fish for you，Miss Cat．Have a good meal． Cat：Thank you，Little Duck．You are so kind． Duck：Thats all right，Miss Cat．I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Bye-bye！ Cat：Bye-bye！ （Little Duck继续赶路。忽然他看到Miss Rabbit躺在草地上，连忙跑过去。） Rabbit：（躺在草地上）Oh，Little Duck．I run too fast and my leg is broken．I cant stand up and I cant walk． Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you． （Little Duck拿出一条手帕帮Miss Rabbit包扎好伤口，然后扶着她回家。） Duck：Dontworry，Miss Rabbit．Youll getwellsoon． Rabbit：Yes，I will．Thank you，Little Duck．Its so kind of you． Duck：Not at all，Miss Rabbit．But I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Good-bye！ Rabbit：Good-bye！ （Little Duck唱着歌又开始上路了，走着走着，他看到Mr Dog坐在家门口，看上去非常着急。） Duck：Good morning，Mr Dog．You look worried．What can I do for you？ Dog：Oh，good morning，Little Duck．I got a letter from my friend，Mr Cock．ButIcantread and Idontknow what he wants me to do． Duck：Dont worry，Mr Dog．Let me help you． （Mr Dog笑呵呵地把信递给Little Duck，Little Duck很仔细地将信的内容读给Mr Dog听。） Dog：（满意地笑）Thank you，Little Duck．Its really very kind of you． Duck：Youre welcome，Mr Dog．（抬头看看挂在半空中的太阳）But I must go now．Im going to see my grandmother． Dog：（摸摸Little Duck的头）Dont worry，Little Duck．Let me send you to your grandmothers home． Duck：Thank you，Mr Dog． （Mr Dog驮着Little Duck一路欢歌笑语向外婆家跑去……）
菲歐娜小盆友
甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie
红桃小K子
“哦——!”怎么回事?为什么五(1)班教师这么热闹?原来，老师布置给了大家一个作业，让大家在周末拍一张照片，谁的最新奇，谁的就最好!同学们个个摩拳擦掌，兴奋不已。星期六，小番茄同学拿着他的相机，在大街上走着。边走边想：老师说要新奇，那么我就拍一张……一张滑稽的照片吧!可是……哪里有机会拍呢……“嘿嘿，小猴，翻跟斗!翻跟斗!……”不远处的一个院子里，有许多人在看小猴的表演，这时，小番茄眼前一亮：“耍猴不是很滑稽吗?说不定还有一些意外的收获呢!”于是，他一蹦一跳地跑了过去，正巧这时大家被小猴逗得哈哈大笑，而小猴也兴致正高，走钢丝走完了，又翻起了跟斗，这会儿又在转手帕……小番茄也跟着大家一起鼓掌。小猴也许太得意了，在骑独轮车时一不小心从车上摔了下来，上演了“猴啃泥”这出好戏。大家又一次笑了。这时，小猴急了，向主人扑去，希望得到一点“庇护”。主人不肯，打着小猴，叫小猴继续去演，小猴又不情愿，直叫唤。主人上去就是两鞭子，小猴和主人“打”了起来。小番茄立马把这“人猴大战”的场景拍了下来，兴致勃勃地回家了。星期一，在评讲课上，老师拿出了小番茄的照片，大家都笑得前仰后合，原来，小番茄一时激动，手抖了抖，只拍到了猴子的主人。不过，被老师表扬还是很开心的，他笑了。被我封为搞笑大王的小石，梳着短头发，当然是个男生，戴着一副眼镜，大大圆圆的眼睛总是全神贯注地盯着前方，眼睛比水晶葡萄还大，鼻梁高高的，额头也同样是高高的，仿佛刻满了智慧，嘴巴红得像熟透的樱桃，薄薄的两瓣。真不敢相信他那些搞笑的语言是出自他的口。那便是我的后桌——小石。有人对我的想法提出异议，他们说我们班的小智最爱搞笑，搞笑大王的王冠应该是他的。但从我的眼光看，我觉得“搞笑”对于小智并不适合，他只是淘气而已。当小石刚调到我后桌时，他遭到了很多白眼。因为他抢小玄的笔袋和口袋。所以，我们一直觉得他很坏，欺负女生。而每次他都用搞笑的语言还击我们。叮铃铃,上课了，同学们都已坐好，但是小石还在说话，后来他看别人不理他才默不作声。那节是心健课，老师讲课比矿泉水还平淡，我心里想：要是心健课像音乐课那样如雪碧一样符合我们的口味就好了。可能是因为太无聊，小石突然打了一个响响的嗝!!!我和小玄都皱着眉不约而同地看他，他却以为我们要夸奖他，于是用那种比小丑还滑稽的调子得意说了一句：“不要迷恋哥，哥只是个传说。”边说还边做了几个夸张的手势。“哦!My god!” 我把手放在额头上长吐一口气，眼睛往上一翻，舌头一伸，倒在椅子上。做了一个“标准”的休克姿态。
旷野和风
绝对是搞笑英语剧本:Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company. This day they are talking in the office.Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case. It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.Wing: Me too .I always get so busy in this season. I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much. What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case?Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion.Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!Ca: You are right. Let’s pig out on junk food!Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown. I miss German food!Ca: so do I .how much I love French food!Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before. Do you have any recommendation?Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checseCi: They all sound yummy. But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families?Wing&Ca: NoCi: The answer is dumplings!Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together. I will teach you how to cook it.Ca: Great! That is fantastic. Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplingsWing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the supper market after work.Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger.(The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house)CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”Ca: sure, here you are .what s next?Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softerWing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them?CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well. A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.(an hour later)Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start!CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these?Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine.Wing: God. Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.Ca: So it is a complete big meal.Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life. Let’s cheers!Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!
优质英语培训问答知识库
