密果儿颖颖
英语笑话段子集锦
爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，那么你喜欢笑么?这里我收集整理了好些搞笑的英语笑话段子集锦，一起来看看吧!说不定能点中你的笑血哦!
英语笑话段子【1】
An Exact Number 准确数字
A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur(恐龙) bones lying about.
How old are these bones? the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.
Exactly one hundred million and three years old.
How can you be so sure? inquired the tourist.
Well, replied the guide, a geologist(地质学家) came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.
一位游客在新墨西哥游览，他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。
这些化石有多长的'历史?游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人，他是作向导的。
整整十亿零三年了。
你怎么这么肯定?游客问道。
哦，向导回答道，一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。
英语笑话段子【2】
Do You Know My Work 你知道我是干嘛的吗
One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.
You don't know my work, said the other.
What is your work?
I'm a policeman.
Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.
I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。
两个人站在外面，看着大火。
在我出来之前，其中一个说，我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬，所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了，没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。
你不知道我是干什么的，另一个说。
你是干什么的?
我是警察。
噢!第一个人喊了一声，他灵机一动，说：那你知道我是干什么的?不知道。警察说。
我是个作家，我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。
英语笑话段子【3】
The Nice Wedding Gift
We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher.Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.
漂亮的结婚礼物
我们参加了一个熟人的儿子的婚礼。由于我们都不认识那个年轻人和他的新娘，所以我们决定送给他们一个实用的全家礼----一个灭火器。很明显，这对新人大批量制作了他们的感谢信，因为我们收到了一张卡片，上面写着：“非常感谢您的漂亮的结婚礼物，我们期待着不久就用到它。”
英语笑话段子【4】
Excuse for Speeding
Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.
"Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.
"Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!"
赶紧到达那里
哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。
“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道。
“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”
带嘴过日子
超简短的英语笑话段子
超简短的英语笑话段子：What has a head, a tail, and no body?A coin!
顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了!
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫!
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗?”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上!”
“什么?”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上?”
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
服务员：茶或咖啡?先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的!
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子?
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么?
看起来象是在仰泳，先生……
Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇!
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇!
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇!
1美元你想要什么——活的.?
aiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
What do you expect for $1 - a live one?
服务员，汤里有只蜜蜂!
是的，先生，今天苍蝇放假。
Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup.
Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.
服务员，来杯咖啡，不加奶油。
对不起，先生，奶油没了，不加奶怎么样?
Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.
I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?
服务员，你的领带在我的汤里了。
没关系，先生，它不缩水。
Waiter, your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
妻子：你会怎么形容我呢?
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: "What does that mean?"
妻子：那是什么意思?
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
丈夫：开个玩笑!
Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?!
老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
男孩：我!我现在要回家了。
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