4人搞笑小品英语

有两个，第二个能够有点长。一：羊肉串和征税人（英文小品）Characters: Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s. Act I (in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s) Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine. Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, ) Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax! Dabao: (change faces) Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi. Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X! Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you? Taxi----! Taxi----! Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor? Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet. Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours. Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.) How do you know it? Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours. Dabao: It’s a big bug! Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan! Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok? Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones. Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter. 7Yuan, my lovely beauty. Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ? Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt. (Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left) Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place. Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go! Act II Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you. Let’s enjoy it! (In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS") Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine. Xiaofu: Hi, Dabao: Hi. Two: What a familiar face. Two: It’s you! Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan. How is your business? Dabao: Everything is OK! 10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before. Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me. Xiaofu: Great! Have you…… Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single. Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month? Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month. Xioafu: Your receipt, please. Dabao: (shows the receipt ) Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer. Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are. Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country. Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing! Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more. Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century! Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era! X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye. D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you? Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband? Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok? Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves) Dabao, See you tomorrow. Dabao: Hope to see you everyday. 二： People: small people living with HIV, Xiao Wu, Xiao ling, the teacher:classrooms: Xiao Ling sleep lying on the table. Xiaoai next to lost books,went out. Xiao Wu Jin, sat on the location of small people living with HIV.Xiaoai (come in): well, young man, is puzzling, isn't it funny, can't you see,that I have! Xiao Wu: be conscientious and meticulous, maoshimao, actually Iolder than you! Xiaoai: I early in the morning came, at first glance didn'tsee you? Xiao Wu: I saw last night. Xiaoai: last row is my patent! To it, Igot out of bed early every day, Rob broken head, blood of DC, this positioncannot be lost! Xiao Wu: the last row is my pride, treasured place here is very.As I drove from the (xiaoai:--keep trying? ) Advised the sooner you leave itat that! Xiao Ling woke up: noisy noisy noisy? Early morning so Holy quarrelin the classroom, a waste of life! Do you know you've made some errors? Ah?Xiaoai: Yes. Xiao Wu: we are not noisy. Xiao Ling: you mostunforgivable--woke me up! Xiaoai sitting in front of Ling. Xiaoai: last, alsois developing style. Dude, examination according to my point! Xiao Wu: Ah?Test today? Xiao Ling: not? My hands are numb! Xiaoai: Oh? Xiao Wu:sleeps, right? Ling: no! Little tired! Xiaoai: Hey, think I have a nightlight to toss wet rendering most of the night! Xiao Wu: uh, strenuouslearning? Xiao Ling: you hit the grass? Xiaoai: Yeah, I'm thinking aboutexamination policy! Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling get past: think of what? Small AIlaughing: tell you that this trick must have! Xiao Wu, Siu-ling: come on!Xiaoai: according to the book copy--(pick up) Xiao Ling: die! Xiao Wu: it's agood idea! I did not expect it? Xiao Ling: come on. You also known as silverbullets? Well, in order to ease the tense atmosphere, debut humorous puzzlesthat I gave you. Xiaoai, Xiao Wu secretarial 114 copyright all to ignore her.Xiao Ling: say, exam answers a few steps? Xiaoai, Xiao Wu get past: a fewsteps? Xiao Ling: a three-step! The first step: write their names. (Two nods)the second step: go over the topic! (Two nods) step three:--hand rolls!The little moxa: draw oh!Small five: who ah?Linda: I'll give you a problem; say, today's exam, who is not here?The little moxa: exam today who can not come? Xiaoling?Xiao Ling: I'm not in it!Elwin: have a look around, small five?Small five: here!The little moxa: ah! I know -- i!Wu: you are white! Come with no is not a result!Xiaoling: answer, the teacher! Hasn't come in yet!The teacher came in.Three people jump: is it? How to say not to come? Oh dear. (loud)Teacher: what? The toad came in?Three people laugh.Teacher: hard! This exam! A little occupation ethics are not! What is most important in this year? -- fraction! Points, your life! (GRIN) exam, our magic!The little moxa: copy copy, our unique skill!Teacher: quick roll! The exam will not come early, it all the time! Exam began half an hour! Where did you go?Hair volume.Teacher: the examination time for two hours! Not more than a hour forbid you! Want to answer please pick up the pen, do not want to answer please rest. Want to go to the toilet classmates -- please constraint yourself!G: I have a good teacher ratio,He is looking for the cat -- mouse when the escort unreasonable demands!Xiaoling! He is the legendary rapper, or mouth can mutter said not finished?Teacher: quiet! You are quiet than tree! Don't know how you made a serious mistake? Weight than the sea!Three people open the copy.Teacher: (a little) the students please don't copy!Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling: I didn't copy!The teacher walked into the little moxa: classmate, don't copy!The little moxa: how do you know? I put on the desk copy!Teacher: your table in front of the plate away, I saw!The little moxa: (looking) oh! Tough luck!The teacher confiscated the little moxa roll, Ai Gang want to stand up and walk.Teacher: sit down! No less than an hour out!The teacher walked to the next small Wu, small Wu roll of paper to table to copy.Teacher: Okay, don't pretend!Most despise you take these books of cheating, a are not technical content.Did you copy? Like this? Like this?Small five: low and then low!Teacher: (to confiscate the small roll) you will sit self-reflection, why take a Book cheat?Wu: don't want to take the book! Who let I didn't like her (Ling) as a good grass!The small Ling stared at wu.Teacher: that's right, next time remember to grass! I love this hard-working child.Teacher: a point! Hand in.> good roll.Teacher: good. Remember the afternoon to consider the high number of! (next)The little moxa: ah! Also in the afternoon high?Xiaoling: ah!! In the afternoon the high number of! (pick up grass) just what?Small five: high...... Number?! What is that tree?Three people: a study of how to play under the grass!The teacher came in (the teacher plays the one dress).The little moxa: LanguageThe teacher!Teacher: what, how do you write a composition! (rolls to the little moxa)G: what?Teacher: you read.The little moxa: "my teacher", my teacher has an oval face......Teacher: wait, (took out a big sign, write claw) is this your face melon? You write is my teacher has a paw face!Elwin: teacher, paws face and face, can't do it?Teacher: you read.The little moxa: my teacher looks really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful......Teacher: stop! You write so many really beautiful? It has come to the end!Elwin: teacher, writing is not a requirement of not less than 500 words?Teacher: you only Portrait beautiful?The little moxa: not required to write one's real feelings? This is all my emotions!Teacher: hum, tell you, you are only 496 words!The little moxa: oh! Then added: really beautiful ah!Teacher: you have a look your translations, touch the Huai died you how to translate?The little moxa: find old locust tree hanged herself!Teacher: why is the old tree? You see you explain words, explain the death, you should write to die!G: Oh, I wanted to write!Teacher: (face) you, you hang up again!The little moxa: give me a chance! I have repaired five times!Teacher: OK, I'll give you a chance. Heard of blister Ding cattle, do a job with skill and ease? You do a job with skill and ease to make a sentence, I will give you the!Elwin: -- -- -- fish swim blade?! Fish...... The fish, the fish swim in the water, the fish swims......Teacher: (laughing) congratulations, get --The little moxa: too?Teacher: (cold) rebuilt sixth times opportunity. (next)Xiao Ling, Xiao Wu: Oh, come on high grass.The teacher came in.Small five: Philosophy teacher!Teacher: Xiao wu!Small five!Teacher: you have a look of rolls of paper!My question is: that is the question, please answer.How do you answer?Small five: This is the answer, please give points...... No.?Teacher: you call this problem?Teacher: you -- well, the next,Questions: what is courage, why didn't you answer?Wu: my answer!Teacher: write five words!Small five: (reading) this is the courage! You 're right. And then I didn't answer the following question paper, I put it the courage to explain!Teacher: you -- you hanging!Small five: the teacher! Give me a chance! I hung up the fifteen!Teacher: let me ask you two questions. See you good luck......Small five: two -- too much!Teacher: Well, the first question to answer! Second questions you don't answer I will let you live, how much hair do you have?Small five: if I were a good.Teacher: ah!Small five: 123456789!Teacher: how do you know?Small five: the teacher, second questions I can't answer!Teacher: good! Very nice. Nicely done. Take (handed a piece of paper)Small five: This is --Teacher: restoration of single! (next)Xiaoling, Elwin: come on high --The teacher came in.Xiaoling: English teacher! (to run)Teacher: Xiao Ling, run what? Did not eat breakfast!Xiaoling: don't eat --Teacher: I saw your morning meal!Xiaoling: -- tomorrow's breakfast!Teacher: Xiao Ling, have a look the rolls of paper, you that reading comprehension is no one to! You is it right? Don't read directly see the problem?Xiaoling: not!Teacher: also dare excuses!Xiao Ling: I did not see even the subject, direct look at the answer selected!Teacher: and your composition! How familiar?Xiaoling: can't look familiar? Reading the first sentence of each paragraph the words together......Teacher: Xiao Ling, you should know! You this --Xiaoling: ah! The teacher, I have five, fifteen, no, fifty times! Don't hang up!Teacher: it's not that I don't give you...... This...... For example, you can translate the eveningdre is what mean?(to the audience) is the evening dress!Xiao Ling looking at g, wu.The little moxa: evening is the night, the most suitable for the big game!Small five: dre is mm total clamoring to buy clothes!Xiaoling: oh! Teacher, I know! It is nocturnal clothing!The teacher shook his head. (next)Xiaoling: No, I have to find a teacher to! The two of you study it slowly! (next)G: Well, the grass play may not be useful, I also go.Small five: how do? Hand in a blank examination paper?Elwin: of course not draw back, I went to one of the most difficult question now, then write in the volume of paper, themselves out your answer! (next)Small five: personality. (just wanna go)The teacher came in.Small five: the teacher in charge!Teacher: Xiao Wu, I talk to you.Small five: ah!Teacher: test last time this question asked: this response is what principle? What's your answer?Small five: -- physical principle.Teacher: so the answer?Small five: don't...... Is the chemical principle?Teacher: Xiao Wu! You're so it can do? Why don't love learning?Small five: -- don't like my major!Teacher: ring? You know that ring is stem what?Small five: sanitation workers.Teacher: environmental engineering!Wu: Oh? Then I graduated to do?Teacher. Environmental sanitation worker.Small five: heard that the sewage treatment.Teacher: (excited) who said that the sewage treatment? -- also air pollution!Small five: how to control the atmosphere?Teacher: I don't understand this! I teach water pollution treatment!Small five: or wastewater treatment.Teacher: your mother see your summer results?Small five: see. Secretarial copyright 114Teacher: really? You send?Small five: of course I send!Teacher: what your mother told you?Small five: my mom said to send what idle school transcript?Teacher. You go.Small five: can't go.Teacher: why?Wu: no curtain call!Four with the curtain call.（谢幕）

Fang: （出场） My name is Fang Fang. I am a student of Sanya No.1 Middle School. Granny: 芳芳，芳芳。 Fang: Oh, my granny is calling me. Do you know my granny? Everyone in our neighborhood calls her "Modern Granny". She is learning English. She wants to learn English well. She wants to show foreigners the beautiful scenery of our city and tell them the interesting stories about the Li people. Granny: （奶奶上。练读旅游英语300句 ） How do you do(好赌有赌) ? How do you do(好赌有赌)? Nice to meet you（奶死吐米油）. Me， too. I can't speak Chinese（爱砍他死屁踩你死）. Can（砍） you（油）speak English(英国历史)? Yes, a little（啊里头）. What can I do for you（我砍爱读佛油）? 这不，中国 加入了WTO，2008年又要举办奥运会，人人都在学英语，我也要学English….. 芳芳，芳芳！ Fang: 来了，奶奶。 Granny: 我的乖孙女， 你再听奶奶读一遍，看看还有什么地方读得不好。（读旅游 英语300句）How do you do (好赌有赌)? How do you do（好赌有赌）? Nice to meet you（奶死吐米油）. Me，too. I can't speak Chinese.（爱砍他死屁踩你死）. Can you speak English(砍油死屁英国历史)? Yes（爷死）, a little（啊里头）.What can I do for you（我砍爱读佛油）? （她边读边摇头晃脑，很自豪的样子） Fang: 奶奶，什么“好赌有赌”，是“How do you do? ”。不是“英国历史”，是"English"。 是" Chinese"，不是“踩你死”。跟我读。How do you do?(奶奶跟读) 不行，How do you do?（奶奶跟读） 好，再读 一 遍，（奶奶读）好,很 好.I can't speak Chinese. Can you speak English?（奶奶跟读）再来，I can't speak Chinese.(奶奶跟读) 好的，再来。（奶奶读）Can you speak English?(奶奶跟读) 好，再练一下。 Granny: （练读两遍）好了，好了，不错了。（突然看见外宾路过）太好了！ 来了个老外！（站起，上前）Hello, (学外国人动作，伸开双手 ) How do you do? What can I do for you? Foreigner: How do you do? I want to go to the bank. Where is the nearest one? Granny : （急忙翻书）芳芳，他说的话在第几页？ Fang: 这本书上没有这句话。他想去银行。Bank----银行。（奶奶练习 bank ）(芳芳对外宾) Hello, welcome to Sanya. You are going to the bank, aren't you? Go along this street, when you reach the traffic lights, turn left. There is a bank about one hundred metres ahead, on the left, just opposite the bus station. Foreigner: Thank you very much. Your English is very good. Fang: Thank you. Granny: Hello, I 带 you go. Fang: Excuse me, shall my granny take you there? Foreigner: (对奶奶) Thank you. It's very kind of you. Granny: (摇摇头) No thank you. No thank you. (外宾显出不大理解的样子) How do you do? Foreigner: How do you do? Granny: Nice to meet you. Foreigner: Me too. Granny: 你们瞧，我会跟老外对话了。(看书 ) I can't speak Chinese. Can you speak English? Foreigner: (疑惑不解) Why, yes, of course. Granny: No. No. 错了，you错了，看，在这呢。（指书上） “Yes, a little. What can I do for you?”（外宾明白了怎么回事，笑） Foreigner: It's funny. (来到银行) （解放路，汽车站对面） Granny: Bank. Bank 到了。 Teller: Good morning. Welcome to our bank. Can I help you? Foreigner: Good morning. Can I change foreign money in your bank? Teller: Yes, you can. But what money would you like to change, please? Foreigner: Some U S D notes. Teller: How much, please? Foreigner: Two hundred dollars in all. Teller: Please show me your passport and fill out this exchange memo in duplicate. Foreigner: (填好 换水单) There, I've got them finished. And here is my passport. Granny: (指护照问) What's this? Foreigner: My passport. Granny: 买怕死婆（My passport）. 买怕死婆 （My passport）. Teller: Yes, everything is all right. Well, by the way, how would you like the money, Mr Smith? Foreigner: I don't mind. Any kinds of denominations are OK. Teller: Here you are, Mr. Smith. Your money comes to RMB￥1，654. Foreigner: Thank you very much. Teller: My pleasure. Foreigner：Your service is good and your English is excellent. Teller: I am very happy to hear you say so. Goodbye. And enjoy your stay in Sanya. Foreigner: Goodbye. Granny: Goodbye（骨德拜）. （走出银行） F: I want to go to some scenic spots. G: 什么“搏”？ F: Scenic spots.(拿出词典指奶奶看 ) scenic spots. G: 哦，是风景点。（想 了想）我带你go Luhuitou . F: Luhuitou? G: Yes. (指着300句鹿雕像的封面) Luhuitou。 F: Oh, it's a deer. G: 对，对 Yes, yes, deer(爹),deer(爹)。（亮相）deer(爹)回头. F: 爹回头？ （奶奶，外宾左下，黎族姑娘右上，奶奶，外宾左上） F: Oh, a deer. G: 我们到了。 Lg: Hello, welcome to Luhuitou Park. F: Hello. G: 姑娘，你给咱老外朋友讲一讲鹿回头的故事，好不好？ Lg: 好的。（对外宾）Have you ever heard the story of "luhuitou"? F: A story? No. Lg: This story is about a young man and a deer long long ago. F: A young man and a deer.（指塑像） Do you mean the man and the deer here? Lg: Yes. He was a hunter . F: A hunter? Lg: Yes. One day, the young man went hunting and found the deer. F: Oh, I see. Lg: When the deer saw him, it ran away. The young man ran after the deer until they reached the edge of the cliff. Suddenly, the deer turned its head and became a girl. F: The deer turned into a girl? Really? Lg: Yes. F: (指塑像) I think this must be the girl. Lg: Right. Do you know about the Li People? F: Li People? Yes. Lg: Later, the young man and the fairy girl fell in love with each other and they got married. They were the ancestors of the Li People. F: This is really a beautiful story. And that is why Sanya is also called the "Deer City", isn't it? Lg: Yes, you are right. F: Thank you for your wonderful story. Are there any other scenic spots in Sanya? Lg: Yes, there are many others. I suggest you go to Dadonghai, Yalong Bay and Tianyahaijiao. F: Tianyahaijiao? What does it mean? （黎族小伙子上） Lb: Welcome to Tianyahaijiao. （众转身） F: What does it mean by "Tianyahaijiao"? Lb: It means "the end of the earth. G: （对Lg）Sea 是什么？ Lg: 是大海。(奶奶练读) F: Tianyahaijiao is one of the famous scenic spots in China, isn't it? G:(对观众) 我知道，China 是中国。 Lb: Yes . A lot of people from home and abroad have visited "Tianyahaijiao" and they say "Tianyahaijiao" has impressed them.. F: Yes. It's a nice place. Lb: There are poems and songs written about "Tianyahaijiao".(播放歌曲) Listen, this is one of the songs. Its name is "Please come to "Tianyahaijiao". F: It sounds sweet. I enjoy it. G: 孩子们，我今天学了一些English, 你们听一听，帮一帮奶奶好不好？“银行”是"bank", "怕死婆" 是什么来了？ Lg: Passport 是护照。 G: 哦，" 怕死婆" 就是“护照”。还有“爹”是“鹿”，“sea”是“大海”。我听你们说那个“beautiful(比特夫)是什么？ Lg: 不是比特夫，是beautiful。 G: 哦，是beautiful.(练习) F: Ladies and gentlemen, Sanya City is a beautiful city. I am glad to see everyone speak English here in Sanya. This granny is also learning English. It is very convenient for us to come for holidays and do business in Sanya. When I go back to the States, I will tell my friends to come to Sanya. All: Please come to Sanya. Welcome to Sanya.