米老鼠NANA
在日常繁忙的生活，也不要忘记了放松自己。下面我为大家带来经典幽默英语故事三则，希望大家喜欢!
经典幽默英语故事：先买票
Joke told by Peter Jennings, on last night, attributed as "typical Russian Humor":
昨晚，彼德·金宁斯给我们讲了一个典型的俄国式幽默故事:
Two Russians are standing in a very long line for vodka. The first one says, "This line is too long! We must always wait for everything! I am going to go to the Kremlin and shoot Gorbachev!”
两个俄国人正在排队买伏特加酒。一个人说:“这队太长了!我们为什么做什么事情都要等呢?我现在就去克里姆林宫枪毙戈尔巴乔夫!”
After about an hour, he returns.
一个小时之后，他回来了。
The second Russian asks him, "Well，did you shoot him!”
另一个俄国人问他:“你射中他了吗?”
"No, the line was too long!”
“没有，队伍太长了!”
经典幽默英语故事：一个醉汉的忏悔
A priest was hearing a woman’s confession When a drunk stumbled into the booth on the opposite side. As the priest was finishing with her he heard the drunk groaning as if in quite some pain. He slid open the other panel and asked "Are you ok?" All he heard was another groan. He asked again and the drunk finally replied, "Yeah, I feel lots better. Do you have any toilet paper on your side?"
一位牧师正在听一个妇女的忏悔，这时一个醉汉跌跌撞撞的走进了牧师另一边的暗箱。当牧师结束倾听那个妇女的忏悔以后他听到那个醉汉在 *** ，那声音好像是很痛苦的样子。牧师把另一边暗箱的门拉开问:“你没事吧?”这时他又听到了一声 *** 。他又问了一遍后那个醉汉回答:“没事，我感觉好多了。你那边有手纸没有?”
经典幽默英语故事：可怜的建筑工人
A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks up the bar and sets on down. He proceeds to order a beer for himself and for the little Leprechaun. Well, the guy and the Leprechaun drink about two beers when finally the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy' s shoulder, trots down the bar and stands in front of a rather large construction worker. He looks at the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbttttttt" right to the big guy's face.
一个男人和他肩上的小精灵一起走进了酒吧。他走到吧台前坐下，然后为自己和他肩上的小精灵点了两杯啤酒。他们喝完了两杯啤酒之后，小精灵从那个男人的肩上跳下来跑到了吧台的另一边，站在了一个大块头的建筑工人面前。小精灵看着那个建筑工人，正对着他的脸说:“呸呸呸。”
Well the Leprechaun trots on back and hops back onto his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is a little ticked, but decides to shine on this breach of manners.
之后那个小精灵跑回了带他来的那个男人的肩上。那个建筑工人有一点生气，但是出于礼貌就没动声色。
After another beer and a half though，the Leprechaun hops down and again goes in front of the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbbttt" to the construction workers face.
又喝了一两杯后，那个小精灵又从那人肩上跳下来，到那个建筑工人面前对着他的脸说:“呸呸呸。”
The Leprechaun trots on back and hops back on his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is visibly bothered，but decides not to do anything again.
之后那个小精灵又跑回了带他来的那个男人的肩上。很显然，那个建筑工人看上去已经很烦了，但还是决定不采取任何行动。
Well sure enough，the guy and the Leprechaun drink another beer. Soon enough the Leprechaun hops down trots in front of the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbbtttl" to his face. Well, this time the big guy has had enough of the little guy's manners and walks over to the fellow with the Leprechaun, again on his shoulder.
那人和小精灵又喝了一杯后，小精灵又做了同样的事情，到那个建筑工人前面对着他的脸说:“呸呸呸。”这回那个大块头再也忍不了那个男人和小精灵的行为了，于是就跟着那个小精灵来到了那个男人面前。
The construction worker tells this man, "If your little friend does that again，1' m going to cut off his little dick!” The fellow tells the big guy，"Well Leprechauns don't have dicks. ”The big guy asks, "Well how does he go pee?" The fellow with the Leprechaun on his shoulder looks at the big guy and goes, "ppppphhhhbbbbtttttt!”
那个建筑工人对他们说:“如果你的那个小朋友再那么做的话，我就把他给阉了!”那个男人告诉建筑工人说:“可惜，他没有那玩意儿。”那个建筑工人说:“那么他怎么上厕所?”那个肩上驼著小精灵的男人看着那个大块头建筑工人告诉他:“呸呸呸。”
维尼蜜罐
英语 故事 会出现学生认识或是不认识的单词，而这个单词的重复不断出现，会加深同学们对单词的记忆。这种记忆不是死记硬背，而是在潜移默化中，让学生记住。这次我给大家整理了英语幽默小故事，供大家阅读参考。
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英语幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
别捡地上的钱
一位经济学教授和一名学生正在大街上行走，这时他们看到前面的人行道上躺着一张20美元面值的钞票。学生走过去准备捡，教授制止了他，告诉他别自寻烦恼。
“为什么不捡?”
“假如那是一张真20美元钞票的话，早就有人捡走了。”
“该发明的都已经被发明出来了。”
英语幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知识越少挣钱越多
定理：工程师和科学家永远应当比经济专家挣钱少。
下面是对该定理的一个严格的数学证明：
假设一：知识就是力量(Power)。
假设二：时间就是金钱。
每个工程师都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知识=力量，时间=金钱，我们有：知识= 。求解金钱表达式，我们得到：金钱= 。
因此，当知识趋于零时，无论你做了多少功，金钱趋于无穷大。
结论：知识越少，你挣得的金钱就越多。
英语幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introduces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他们本该在晚上打球
神父、心理学家和经济学家三人结伴打高尔夫。前面的一组打球进度极其缓慢，这让三人大为恼火。他们开始抱怨，前面那组中的一人听到抱怨声后朝他们走了过来。他 自我介绍 说是前面那组球手们的助手，因为那组球手都是盲人。助手感谢他们三位耐心等待。神父听后忙说：“哦，不会吧?我一辈子都在祈祷同胞们过上更美好的生活，而我却在这里抱怨这些盲人!”心理学家也赶紧说：“我一生的信条是帮助别人，可是我却在这里抱怨这些盲人，我真惭愧!”这时只听经济学家说：“哦，别这样!他们本该在晚上打球的。”
英语幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.“Flight 354，“said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.“The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.”The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飞行员在中西部上空听到地面指挥塔的指挥员在呼叫一民航调整其正常接收频率。"354航班，”指挥塔在呼叫，“请与堪萨斯市中心135.5频率联系。”这一指令重复了几次之后，竟没得到任何回音。最后，指挥塔的指挥员显然是被激怒了，他大声地锐:"354航班，西蒙说速与135. 5预率联系。”这一声显然奏效，只听对方慌忙地做了回答并迅速服从了指挥。”
英语幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司机都能回答那个问题
一位著名的博弈论专家一获得克拉克奖便开始在东北部各个知名大学展开一系列讲座。为了完成这项任务，他租了一辆车并雇了一名司机载着他到处赶场。没有别的事可做的司机就坐在课堂里听专家那科技含量颇高的讲座。几场讲座下来，司机对这位经济学家说：“我听了这么多次你的讲座，我觉得我自己也能讲了。”经济学家觉得这个想法很有趣，于是决定下次作讲座时他们两个互换位置。
司机完美无瑕地完成了演讲。可是当讲座结束后，听众中有人问了他一个技术含量相当高的问题，他不知如何开口回答。司机沉思了一会，回答道：“这个问题太简单了，连我的司机都能回答。”
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