O小魔女O
短篇英语小笑话
会讲笑话的人都是有好人缘的人，所以我们要多亲近一些笑话大王们。现在我也来当笑话大王啦!我给大家收集整理了短篇英语小笑话，一起来笑笑，收集好人缘吧!
On a pleasant Sunday afternoon an old Englishman and his youngest son were seated in the village inn. The father had partaken liberally of the beer, and was warning his son against the evils of intemperance.
在一个阳光明媚的周日午后，一个年长的英国绅士和他年幼的儿子一同坐在村庄的旅店里。父亲没有节制地大口喝着啤酒，并警告他的儿子如果放纵就会给你带来痛苦。
"Never drink too much, my son. A gentleman stops when he has enough. To be drunk is a disgrace.”
“永远不要喝的太多，我的儿子。一个绅士在喝酒时会适可而止。喝醉了酒可是不太光彩啊。”
"Yes, father, but how can I tell when I have enough or am drunk?"
“是的，爸爸。但是当我喝的有点过头甚至喝醉了的时候我怎么才能知道呢?”
The old man pointed with his fingers.
这位年长的`父亲伸出手指指向一边。
"Do you see those two men sitting in the corner? If you should see four men there .you would know that you were drunk.”
“你看见坐在角落的那两个男人了吗?如果你看见的是四个男人坐在那里，那你要意识到你是喝醉了。”
The boy looked long and eamestly, After a time in puzzled tones, he said: yes, father, but-but-there is only one man in that corner.”
那个男孩认真仔细的看了很久。过了一会之后，他用困惑的声调说到:“是呀，爸爸，但是—但是—在那个角落里只有一个人呀!”
The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.
丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。
One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"
一天，丈夫回到家，问妻子：“亲爱的，今天我们吃啥菜?”
The wife said, "You may select the dish today."
妻子回答：“今天你可以选择。”
The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"
丈夫感到非常高兴，又问：“都有哪些菜呢?”
"Cabbage."
“炒白菜。”
"The others?"
“还有呢?”
"None."
“没了。”
"Then how to select?"
“那你要我怎么选呢?”
"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.
“吃还是不吃!”妻子一本正经地说道。
TEACHER: In what countries are elephants found?
老师:在哪些国家发现了大象?
STUDENT: Teacher. Elephants are very large and intelligent animals，and are seldom lost.
学生:老师，大象是一种巨型的并且是一种充满智慧的动物，因此，它是不会迷路的。
TEACHER: A noun is the name of a person or a thing. Who can give me a noun?
老师:名词是一个人的名字或是一件事。谁能给我举个例子?
STUDENT: A cow.
学生:母牛。
TEACHER: Very good. Another noun?
老师:很好。你能再举个例子吗。
STUDENT: Another cow.
学生:另外一头母牛。
TEACHER: Jim, what are the three words which some of you use most often in class?
老师:吉姆，你经常在课堂上说的三个字是什么?
STUDENT; I don’t know.
学生:不知道。
TEAL HER: Correct.
老师:答对了。
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one。
一位妇女到一家帽子店买帽子。她很挑剔，用了很长时间才选好了一顶。
Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"
已经忍耐到极限的售货员害怕她再改变主意，便恭维她：“你做了极好的选择，夫人。你戴上这顶帽子看上去起码年轻十岁!”
To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
但令他沮丧的是，这位女士马上摘下了她的帽子说：“我不想要一顶摘下来便使我立刻显得老十岁的帽子。多拿一些帽子给我看看!”
力力力力力
简短英文笑话（精选8篇）
笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。下面为大家带来简短英文笑话，快来看看吧。
In a sales company, the boss said to one of his employees,
"The main thing to remember is repetition, repetition, repetition! That's the key! If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every way possible. Repeat it; cram it down people's throats. Even make yourself sickening and repulsive if you have to, but don't everforget to repeat, repeat, repeat. It's the only way to get results and sell our products!"
So, the employee said, "Yes, sir!"
Then the boss said, "Now, what was it you came to see me about?"
And the employee replied, "Well, sir, it's about a raise, a raise, a raise!"
a man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"you will get your chance in court." said the desk sergeant.
"no, no, no." said the man. "i want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. i've been trying to do that for years."
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ...
有一个神经病，不知道从哪里弄来了一把枪，他走在一条小黑胡同里。突然遇上一个年轻人，神经病二话不说将其按在地上用枪指着他的头。问道，一加一得几。年轻人吓坏了，沉思了很久。回答，等于二。神经病毫不犹豫的打死了他。然后把抢拽在怀里，冰冷的说了一句，你知道的太多了…
Give up your seat to a lady
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
给女士让座
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
Driving through the hill country of Texas，just north of San Antonio，we watched the sky turn a brilliant orange at sunset. At my wife's pleading，we stopped and walked up a hill，which turned out to be the top of a cliff. Before us lay the picturesque postcard setting we had been looking for
during all our vacation. Below was a large green valley circled by hills. Exhilarated by the tangerine sky, long shadows，and a slight breeze carrying the scent of green grass，my wife suddenly shouted:“Thank you，Mother Nature，for so much beautyl”
开车经过德克萨斯州的山丘地带，也就是圣·安扎尼奥的正北。在黄昏时，我们看到天空中出现了一道道金色的光芒。在老婆哟请求下，我们停了车，来到了小山坡土。这里正好是悬崖的顶端，在我们面前展现出了一种名信片上的景色。这正是我们整个假期都在寻找的地方。山坡下是一片群山环抱的绿色山谷，橙色的天空，一片片绿草地。一阵微风吹过来，送来了一阵草的芳香。我老婆突然喊到:“谢谢你，大自然的`毋亲，感谢你给我们这么美丽的风景。”
Then, a distant voice was heard from across the valley:"No charge!”
接着，从远处山谷的那一边传来了一声，“不要付钱了。”
Although my mother，a native of Japan, has lived for 55 years in the United States，she has not adapted complete1y to the cultural change. This is especiallly obvious during her infrequent forays into a large city.
我母亲是日本人，她已在美国生活了55年了，但是，她仍没完全适应这异国的文化。当她偶尔去一次大城市，这种不适应就显得更明显了。
One day she boarded a bus in Los Angeles，deposited a $5 bill in the coin box and held out her hand for change.Because the coin box is not built to accept paper money，the bus driver growled:“Okay，lady. If you get that bill out,you can ride for free. Otherwise we're going to have to dis-mantle this coin box."
一天，她在洛杉矶上了一辆会共汽车。她取出5元的纸币把它塞进了收币机，然后，她仲出手等着找钱.由于收币机不能接收纸币，所以司机大声地吼道:“好了，太大，如果
你能把那纸币取出来，你今天乘车就免费。否则，我们只好拆机器了。”
My mother hesitated but a moment, then opened her purse，took out a pair of chopsticks，retrieved the bill and smiled as she took her seat.
我母亲犹豫了一会儿，然后打开她的手包，拿出了一副筷子，用它把钱夹了出来。她面带着笑容找了个空座位坐下了。
Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".
一天清晨，我隔壁的邻居在用一个电动剪修机修草坪。当他干到一半儿的时侯，另一个邻居也来了。他仍穿着睡衣，手里拿着他自家的电动剪修机，说是来帮忙的。这个要求当然不会被拒绝了。活干完时，我那位受益的都居对他表示了谢意，还评论说:“这才是真正的部居。”
"Don't mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"
另一个邻居却说:“不用客气。我算了一下，帮你一个忙，可以节省一半时间，然后我还能回去睡觉。”
