幽默英语短剧剧本

绝对是搞笑英语剧本:Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company. This day they are talking in the office.Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case. It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.Wing: Me too .I always get so busy in this season. I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much. What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case?Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion.Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!Ca: You are right. Let’s pig out on junk food!Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown. I miss German food!Ca: so do I .how much I love French food!Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before. Do you have any recommendation?Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checseCi: They all sound yummy. But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families?Wing&Ca: NoCi: The answer is dumplings!Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together. I will teach you how to cook it.Ca: Great! That is fantastic. Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplingsWing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the supper market after work.Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger.(The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house)CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”Ca: sure, here you are .what s next?Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softerWing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them?CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well. A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.(an hour later)Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start!CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these?Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine.Wing: God. Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.Ca: So it is a complete big meal.Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life. Let’s cheers!Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .Birds are dancing in the cold .A man is walking along the street ,step by step .Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇．X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !Y:, Never mind baby.X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!X:No, I must kill you !Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks,Y:Do you still want to kill me ?X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?X:I’m sure I won’t!Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit （一人路过，x起身跑过去）X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!X:Thanks,byebye.Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)Y:Who are you?H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !Y:You are right !H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he will give what you want.Y:Yes,It’s very good.H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!第二幕：无间道H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.K:sit down plese, yegucheng.Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?King:yes,I will.Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……Y:of course.美女出场M:hello，帅锅..K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?Y: Yes,I do.K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!X:Forgive you? Why ?Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)X:milk?I love you.K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)K:Fuck you. I must kill you!X:How can you kill me? haha……Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）Y :do you want to go to wc?X:Yes,I……I…… do.Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away ! K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Xwill die.M扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .X:go home ! ?M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !—来自于网络

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆状),乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you arei believe that the heart does go ononce more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)and you're here in my heart,and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard, help, drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise （丁上场）甲(做厌恶状):oh, it's really a big surprise. What an ugly woman! (Of course, I won’t let you pass.) Why do you come here?丁: Distinguished director, please give me a chance. I walked 25000km for a year just to compete in this interview. Please give me a chance, please. 甲():OK, so what’s your name?丁: my name is Gaga Su.甲(上下打量)：EN…ok ok, I’ll give you only 30s. OK?丁:OK, that’s enough. Thank you, thank you. I’ll just present a poem I love best. The Furthest Distance in The World.The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not between life and death 不是生与死 But when I stand in front of you 而是 我就站在你面前 Yet you don't know that I love you 你却不知道我爱你 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not when I stand in front of you 不是 我就站在你面前 Sir, time is out.甲：Oh, no no no, just go on.Yet you can't see my love 你却不知道我爱你 But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both 而是 明明知道彼此相爱 Yet cannot be together 却不能在一起 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not being apart while being in love 不是 明明知道彼此相爱 却不能在一起 But when painly cannot resist the yearning 而是 明明无法抵挡这股思念 Yet pretending you have never been in my heart 却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里 That’s all, thank you.（另外两人跑进来,乙妩媚状）乙：Honey, you like my dance, right?丙镇静状: Director, you like my singing, right?丁深情状: Princess, do you like my poem?甲(沉迷状):。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。I …I…Er.. You…you are so excellent that I decide to adopt you, Number 3.甲,乙:Oh, no. Why do you choose her? She is so shabby, and even ugly. We are far better than her. NO, it’s unjust.甲：Thank you for your performances. But I have to say I learn a lot from her. We can’t judge a person by his appearance, right? She is so talent .One’s appearance can be changed easily, but one’s intellect could not be built in a day.So, I have to say sorry to you.（乙，丙掩面而泣）(⊙o⊙)THE END!Thanks for you watching.

5分钟英语搞笑话剧剧本（通用5篇）

话剧指以对话方式为主的戏剧形式，于19世纪末20世纪初来到中国。与传统舞台剧、戏曲相区别，话剧主要叙述手段为演员在台上无伴奏的对白或独白，但可以使用少量音乐、歌唱等。以下是我整理的5分钟英语搞笑话剧剧本，欢迎阅读。

The Clever Rabbits（聪明小兔）

角色：

Red Eyes（红眼睛）Long Ears（长耳朵）Short Tail（短尾巴）

Big Wolf（大灰狼）Mother Rabbit（兔妈妈）

Storyteller翻译官

道具 房子，玩具、凳子，桌子，一棵树等。

布景 一座有门的房子里摆着一张桌子、几个凳子和一些玩具。

SceneI Three Rabbits（三只小兔子）

（一）

Storyteller:The Mother Rabbit has red Eyes,Long Ears and Short Tail.

兔妈妈有三个孩子，她给他们起名叫红眼睛、长耳朵和短尾巴。）

Red Eyes:（Coming to the front.上前。）

Hello!I"m Red Eyes.Glad to see you.

（你好！我是红眼睛。见到你很高兴。）

Long Ears:（Touch his long ears.着他的长耳朵。）

Hi!How do you do? Nice to see you.My name is Long Ears.

（嗨！你好！很高兴见到你。我叫长耳朵。）

Short Tail:（Show his tail.展示他的尾巴。）

Hello,boys and girls! I"m Short Tail.

（小朋友们，你们好！我是短尾巴。见到大家我很高兴。）

After this,they are playing games in随后，他们就在房子里玩游戏。）

（二）

Storyteller:A big wolf is hiding be-idea.Just then,the Mother Rabbit is the arm.

（一只大灰狼正躲在树后，他在打着坏主意。这时，兔妈妈提着一篮子萝卜回来了。） Mother Rabbit:（Singing a song.唱起了歌。） Little Rabbits,open the door.

（小兔子乖乖，把门开开，妈妈回来了。）

Big Wolf:Ah,I know their secret.啊，我知道他们的秘密了。）

Mother Rabbit:（Walking into the house.进了家门。）

Good evening,my children.Are you hungry?

Let"s have supper!

（晚上好，孩子们！你们饿了吧？咱们吃晚饭吧。）

Storyteller: The Big Bad Wolves（大灰狼来了）

Storyteller:Then next day,the（第二天，兔妈妈要出门了。）

Mother Rabbit:I am going to pick the door ,don"t open the door for strangers （我要去采蘑菇。千万记住，不要给陌生人开门。）

All:OK.

Storyteller:Three rabbits close the a while,they hear some one knocking at door.

Big Wolf:（Learn to sing.学着唱。）Little Rabbits,open the door.

Mother coming back.

（小兔子乖乖，把门开开，妈妈回来了。）

Red Eyes and Short Tail:Mother is（妈妈回来了。）

Long Ears:（Stop them opening the阻止他俩开门。）No.It"s not our mother.That isn"t like Mother"s voice. （不对。不是妈妈，那不像妈妈的声音。）

Red Eyes:Let me see.It"s not really（让我来看看。果然不是妈妈。）

Big Wolf:（Bang!Bang!Bang!）I"m your mother.Open the door in a hurry.

（我是你们的妈妈，快开门啊。）

Long Ears:All right.You must show your tail.

（好吧。那你必须把你的尾巴从门缝里伸进来）

Big Wolf:OK.

Storyteller:The clever rabbits clip the（小兔子把大灰狼的尾巴夹住了。）

Mother Rabbit:You Big Bad Wolf!（你这个大灰狼！）

Storyteller:With her words,she hits（说着，她捡起棍子狠狠地打大灰狼。）

Big Wolf:Oh.My God!My tail hurts.（噢。我的天啊！我的尾巴受伤了。）

Storyteller:The wolf"s tail is broken.

mother"s voice,they open the door and hug their mother.

（大灰狼的尾巴被夹断了，他逃走了。小兔子听到妈妈的声音，打开门，扑进妈妈的怀里。）

Mother Rabbit:My clever children.（我的乖孩子们。）

旁白：It’s a cold evening. The Titanic has sunken. Rose, Jack and Oscar are on the life boat floating in the ocean. This is Jack. This is Rose and this is Oscar, her husband-to-be.（边说边介绍，三人坐在课桌上）

Oscar: Oh, honey~ Are you OK? （边说边将手搭上Rose肩）

Jack: She is my girl.（打开Oscar的手）

Oscar: You are so cold.（脱下报纸披在R身上面向观众）what you wear, what you are.

Jack: What are you doing! （扔掉校服，脱下自己的羽绒服抖了抖，面向观众）BoSideng（波斯登）, warm and comfortable, it’s my choice.（将羽绒服披在Rose身上）

Rose:（向Jack）I love you.（向观众）But I love BoSideng more.

Oscar: Hey! She is my wife-to-be, who are you?

Jack: I am I. Wo de di pan wo zuo zhu（我的地盘我做主）.

Oscar: People on the Earth all know, She, and I, will go to New York to have our wedding. Rose: But now……

Jack: Don’t say any more! Take your knife out! （从口袋里掏出铅笔，紧握手中）

Oscar: Ok. Let’s go fighting! （同样掏出铅笔紧握手中）

Jack & Oscar: Fighting! （用铅笔互戳）----小蜜蜂~

Rose: No, no, no! Please stop! （拉二人）( J & O不小心将Rose推下桌子——落水）

Rose: Help, help!（Jack & Oscar将拉上Rose桌子）

Oscar: Honey, how are you?

Rose:（向观众）PiaoRou（飘柔）, just so confident~（甩头发）

（Rose不小心推Oscar，Oscar落水） Oscar: Help, help!

Rose: Oh, no! （向Oscar伸手）（Jack抓过Rose的`手，对视）

Jack:（唱）你是我的玫瑰，你是我的花…You are my life, you are my honey~

Rose: But……what about Oscar?

Jack: Don’t pay attention to him.

Rose: OK. Darling~ I love you, loving you, like mouse love rice~

旁白：At this time, Oscar has been far away……Jack and Rose are still floating in the ocean. It’s colder and colder.

Jack: Do you feel cold?

Rose: Yes. You see we are so lonely.

Jack: Don’t worry. I have this! （从口袋里掏出打火机，并向观众展示）This is a magic DaHuoji（打火机）.（Jack按下打火机）（Superwoman上，胸前贴一张纸，上书S）

Superwoman:（向观众）Do you know who am I? I am Superwoman! The famous Superman is my brother. I’m willing to help others.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?（Superwoman无视，面向Jack）

Superwoman: Oh, pretty boy~ Come here, I will save you.

Jack: Take my girl together.

Superwoman: No way!（Superwoman下）（Jack第二次按下打火机）

（Indian Princess上，向观众合掌问候）

Princess: I am a princessfromIndia.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?

Princess: OK. I have a magic blanket, maybe it can take you away. Come on.（从口袋里掏出围巾）（Jack & Rose 尝试伸出脚，Princess上下晃动围巾）

Princess: Oh, no, it’s broken! My blanket! （边说边后退，渐远）

（Indian Princess下）（Jack第三次还没按，Harry Potter上，提着扫帚）

Harry: Yi? Where am I? （向观众）My name is Harry Potter. I’mfromHogwarts（霍格沃茨）. I lose my way.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?

Harry: I really want to help you, but my ability is limited.（耸肩）

Jack:（愤怒地）Oh, my god! Go away at once! （指向前方）（Harry Potter下）

旁白：Suddenly, the life boat is shaking because Jack and Rose are too heavy.

Jack: Rose, listen to me. I love you, but I will leave you.The boat can’t support us for

a long time. You must live, so I will jump into the sea.

Rose: No, no, no. Jump or not jump, this is a question.

Jack: Then let the God decide it（二人低头虔诚祈祷状）

Rose: God will bless us.（Jack和Rose同时从身后伸出手来，包剪锤）

Jack & Rose: One two three!（Jack出锤子，Rose出包子）

Jack: I lose. You see, it’s God’s choice.（Rose连连摇头）

Rose: Oh, no. Jack, Jack, why your name is Jack!

Jack: I wish you a happy life. Good-bye!（Jack跳下桌子，Rose伸手拉，未果）

Rose: You jump, I jump.（Rose跳下桌子，O未死， 继续叫救命……）

（旁白唱my heart will go on，音乐起，全剧终。Jack & Rose跳舞，张开手臂经典动作作结。）.

人物： rabbit（小兔），fox（狐狸），monkey（小猴），tortoise（乌龟），mummy bear（熊妈妈），baby bear（熊宝宝），lion（狮子），bird（小鸟）。

布景：大森林背景，舞台右角是一座小房子，一棵木瓜树，中间有一棵大树，舞台左角有一块大石头，左角后台阶上有两棵桃树。

（大幕在抒情、优美的音乐声中徐徐开启）

:In this beautiful forest, There live many lovely animals, they love each other and live a happy life!

在一个美丽的大森林里，住着许许多多的小动物，他们在一起相亲相爱，生活得可幸福了！

第一景：小动物群舞

小兔舞 （音乐：活泼、轻快、跳跃）

狐狸舞 （扭动腰肢，跳节奏感极强的迪斯科）

乌龟舞 （一伸一缩，音乐：缓慢、低沉、滑稽）

小猴舞 （调皮、灵巧，可用西游记主题曲）

（音乐转为轻柔、舒缓，小兔一人旋转跳舞，音乐渐弱转为流水声，舞台灯光转暗，布景为湖边，木瓜树下。）

第二景：:"咕咚"（清晰而响亮）

小兔：（吃惊的样子，四处看看）What’s the matter?

什么东西？

（倒退几步，拔腿就跑，正好撞上了狐狸。）

狐狸：（奇怪的神情）What’s the matter? Why are you running?

跑什么呀？出了什么事？

小兔：（气喘嘘虚的样子）："Gu dong, Gu dong is coming."

咕咚，咕咚来了。

狐狸：（害怕的样子）：Oh! Horrible, let’s run.

哇！太可怕了，让我们跑吧！

（这时候，熊妈妈提着篮子和熊宝宝从树后走出来，正好看到慌慌张张奔跑的小兔和狐狸。）

熊妈妈：（很惊奇的样子）：What’s the matter? Why are you running?

出了什么事？你们跑什么呀？

小兔、狐狸（合）：Gu dong is coming.

小熊：（害怕并躲在妈妈的怀里）mummy mummy, I’m frightened.

妈妈、妈妈，我害怕！

熊妈妈：（安慰宝宝）Oh! dear, Don’t be frightened, let’s run quickly.

乖宝宝，别害怕，让我们跑吧！快，快

（小猴、小鸟、乌龟在另一角台阶的桃树上看到，感到很奇怪）

小猴：（指着奔跑的小动物）Why? Why are they all running?

为什么，为什么他们都在跑？

乌龟：（很神秘的样子）Perhaps, A monster!

也许，是妖怪来了！

小猴、小鸟：（非常恐惧的样子）Oh, horrible, let’s run!

啊呀！太可怕了，快跑呀！

乌龟：（慌慌张张地跟在后面）wait! just wait.

等一等！

（大狮子正在一块石头下睡觉，众人吵吵闹闹的声音吵醒了它。狮子大吼一声，伸伸懒腰。）

狮子：（很生气的样子） It’s very noise! Why ? why are you all running ?

太吵了，你们为什么都在跑呀？

众人合：（上气不接下气的样子）Gu dong, Gu dong is coming.

狮子：（感到很奇怪）Gu dong , What is it ? Where is it?

"咕咚",什么东西？在哪里？

（大家你看着我，我看着你，都在摇头。）

小猴：（问熊妈妈）Where?

在哪里？

熊妈妈：（摇摇头，）I don’t know.（转而问狐狸）Where

我不知道。 在哪里？

狐狸：（摇摇头，）I don’t know.（转而问小兔）Where?

我不知道。 在哪里？

（众人把目光都集中在小兔的身上。）

小兔：（挠挠脑袋，指着对面）It’s over there.

就在那边！

狮子：（很神气的样子）Let’s go and see.

走，去看看。

（大伙互相看看，都表现出非常害怕的样子。）

狮子：（拍拍胸脯，很勇敢的样子）come on, follow me.

走，跟我走！

（音乐响，一段雄壮有力的进行曲，众人排着整齐的队伍，大踏步地往前走，快到树下时，脚步慢下来。音乐停，全场一片寂静。）

狮子：（四处张望）Where? There is nothing here.

在哪里？什么都没有啊！

（正在这时候，一阵风吹来，咕咚一声，一棵木瓜掉进了湖里。）

小猴：（指着湖边）Oh! It’s a papaya! Gu dong is a papaya!

噢！原来是木瓜呀！

（众人大笑，大幕在笑声中徐徐落下。）

The end.

全剧终

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.

乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

and you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?

丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,

丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,

三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right?

丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同声:we are past,right?

甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?

三人齐答:yes,we do!

甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

人物：追星A, 追星B，追星C，明星，车主 旁白 经纪人

旁白：A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man.

A：(打哈欠)，I need to go to bed, I’m so sleepy.(打哈欠)——边走边说 （趴在讲台上睡）

（进入梦乡）

旁白：In her dream……

(上台摆两个凳子，A做一个)

A：Oh, it’s a fine day. (假装看天) (然后突然不经意的拿起一本书翻看)

明星：(上台)：Oh, it’s a fine day. (然后坐凳子)

(A看着看着书，就不经意的往旁边看，然后再看看书，突然感觉不对劲，在意外的往旁边看，看到了自己最喜爱的那个明星，十分激动，不敢相信这是真的)

A：Are you … are you that … super star?(激动地说不出话)

明星：（随意的回答） Yes, what’s wrong?

A: I’m your fan,super fan. Your photos are full of my bedroom, no, they are full of my house, including kitchen, living room, bedrooms, and… and toilet.

(激动，后面讲到厕所时，还有点不好意思)

(当明星听到厕所时，很惊讶)

明星：You are too…enthusiastic [in,θju:zi'?stik]. (有点嫌弃)

A: Can you give me your signature?

(讲到签名，明星就兴奋了)

明星：Ok ,of course!

A：（大声喊）Oh ,I will have the Handsome______’s signature

(突然，两个人跑过来，B把A给推开了然后两人问明星要签名)

B：Please ,please give me signature!!!!!!!

C: No, give it to me, to me!!!

(两人抢着，A一人孤零零的站在旁边，)

A: Why the result is this ?(抱头痛哭，边走边哭，然后走到睡觉的那个地方，恢复原来的样子，还有点啜泣)

A： Er? Where is it? Oh,it’s just a dream , but ,it’s a bad dream.

It’s too early, I want sleep.(又趴下去)

旁白：In her second dream, the scene is at the crossroads.

A: Look at the tall buildings, they like the …like the …I don’t have any adjrectives to describe them.

(明星上场，走在对面，也在欣赏某些东西)

A：Oh ,look at there, that man is like a star ! Oh ,Oh ,Oh ,(一次比一次激动)he is …..he is…..Handsome_______！I want his signature! But there is too much cars, What can I do? What can I do? I don’t care this any more, the signature is more important!

(正当他准备过马路时，车主做开车动作来了，将要撞A，A很害怕)

车主：Look out!

Aon’t come here, don’t come here!(闭着眼睛) (车主迅速下台)

（A突然站起来，睁开眼睛）

A：A dream .too? Oh, my god, Why do I always can’t get the signature? No, I must get it, sleep again! Yes ,sleep! But ,why do I stand here? I should lie in the bed. Whether these, I must go to bed and get the signature!(趴着又睡)

旁白：In her third dream

(明星在签名，A前面有B, C)

经纪人：One by one,Don’t be wrought-up

A: Yeah,I can get it at last. Before me ,there are only two people.

（到B）

B:I love you very much. My dreamlover.

明星：Thank you

(B下，C上)

C: Oh，I meet you ,can I hug with you ?

明星：Sure.

(两人抱了一下)

（到A）

A: I can get your signature in the end! I’m so excited

(明星面目有点难受的样子，手捂着肚子)

明星：Sorry, can I go to the toilet for a moment? My stomach is hurt a lot.(难受)

A: Yes, make yourselfe at home.

(过来一会儿)

A: Handsome_______ has gone to toilet for such a long time. Is he ok?

经纪人对A说：Sorry, the girl, Handsome_____ perhaps can’tcome here to give you signature, He is too hurt. He went home.

A: Ah? Why always me ? (伤心地离开，走到睡着的地方)

（突然起身）

A :Why always me ? I only want a signature~~ ai~~ What time is it now ? (看了一下钟，表情惊讶) It’s near 8 o’clock .I can’t arrive at the school on time! Oh no ,hurry up hurry up!

我们班刚演过 ，获得了系里一等奖(孔雀东南飞 英语搞笑剧本) 虽然人物多了一个，可以有群众演员嘛焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)prologue 序幕(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while mywife is wusong.译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!译：我才不怕你呢！(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)my god! who can help me?(下)译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？act1 第一幕(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,solazy……l:but……jm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard alldaylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chickenand……jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)l:mum, i’m back!lm:you are back?why?what happened?l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted onmarrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listento me. look at yourself……l:but,mum……lm:never interrupt me!l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? andi’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughterhaven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll goand tell him.(下)l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! nowshe has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an icegirl,go and take her back!j(立正敬礼):yes madam!act4(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)a:hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)ab&c:give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go androb the wedding!a&b:good idea!j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll gowith you. you take the money and i take the bride.b:have you got any experience?j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(j和三强盗跃至台中)abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!a:the road is built by me!b:and i planted one tree.c:if you want to go by this street---j:give us all your money!(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?l(哭状):i hurt a lot!j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

《 荆珂刺秦王》旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊.”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?）李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?太子丹晕倒荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着：To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero,we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now! 太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧?难道你真的想要吗……荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯,击掌）Yeah!