搞笑英语短剧5分钟

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆状),乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you arei believe that the heart does go ononce more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)and you're here in my heart,and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard, help, drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise （丁上场）甲(做厌恶状):oh, it's really a big surprise. What an ugly woman! (Of course, I won’t let you pass.) Why do you come here?丁: Distinguished director, please give me a chance. I walked 25000km for a year just to compete in this interview. Please give me a chance, please. 甲():OK, so what’s your name?丁: my name is Gaga Su.甲(上下打量)：EN…ok ok, I’ll give you only 30s. OK?丁:OK, that’s enough. Thank you, thank you. I’ll just present a poem I love best. The Furthest Distance in The World.The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not between life and death 不是生与死 But when I stand in front of you 而是 我就站在你面前 Yet you don't know that I love you 你却不知道我爱你 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not when I stand in front of you 不是 我就站在你面前 Sir, time is out.甲：Oh, no no no, just go on.Yet you can't see my love 你却不知道我爱你 But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both 而是 明明知道彼此相爱 Yet cannot be together 却不能在一起 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not being apart while being in love 不是 明明知道彼此相爱 却不能在一起 But when painly cannot resist the yearning 而是 明明无法抵挡这股思念 Yet pretending you have never been in my heart 却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里 That’s all, thank you.（另外两人跑进来,乙妩媚状）乙：Honey, you like my dance, right?丙镇静状: Director, you like my singing, right?丁深情状: Princess, do you like my poem?甲(沉迷状):。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。I …I…Er.. You…you are so excellent that I decide to adopt you, Number 3.甲,乙:Oh, no. Why do you choose her? She is so shabby, and even ugly. We are far better than her. NO, it’s unjust.甲：Thank you for your performances. But I have to say I learn a lot from her. We can’t judge a person by his appearance, right? She is so talent .One’s appearance can be changed easily, but one’s intellect could not be built in a day.So, I have to say sorry to you.（乙，丙掩面而泣）(⊙o⊙)THE END!Thanks for you watching.

“哦——!”怎么回事?为什么五(1)班教师这么热闹?原来，老师布置给了大家一个作业，让大家在周末拍一张照片，谁的最新奇，谁的就最好!同学们个个摩拳擦掌，兴奋不已。星期六，小番茄同学拿着他的相机，在大街上走着。边走边想：老师说要新奇，那么我就拍一张……一张滑稽的照片吧!可是……哪里有机会拍呢……“嘿嘿，小猴，翻跟斗!翻跟斗!……”不远处的一个院子里，有许多人在看小猴的表演，这时，小番茄眼前一亮：“耍猴不是很滑稽吗?说不定还有一些意外的收获呢!”于是，他一蹦一跳地跑了过去，正巧这时大家被小猴逗得哈哈大笑，而小猴也兴致正高，走钢丝走完了，又翻起了跟斗，这会儿又在转手帕……小番茄也跟着大家一起鼓掌。小猴也许太得意了，在骑独轮车时一不小心从车上摔了下来，上演了“猴啃泥”这出好戏。大家又一次笑了。这时，小猴急了，向主人扑去，希望得到一点“庇护”。主人不肯，打着小猴，叫小猴继续去演，小猴又不情愿，直叫唤。主人上去就是两鞭子，小猴和主人“打”了起来。小番茄立马把这“人猴大战”的场景拍了下来，兴致勃勃地回家了。星期一，在评讲课上，老师拿出了小番茄的照片，大家都笑得前仰后合，原来，小番茄一时激动，手抖了抖，只拍到了猴子的主人。不过，被老师表扬还是很开心的，他笑了。被我封为搞笑大王的小石，梳着短头发，当然是个男生，戴着一副眼镜，大大圆圆的眼睛总是全神贯注地盯着前方，眼睛比水晶葡萄还大，鼻梁高高的，额头也同样是高高的，仿佛刻满了智慧，嘴巴红得像熟透的樱桃，薄薄的两瓣。真不敢相信他那些搞笑的语言是出自他的口。那便是我的后桌——小石。有人对我的想法提出异议，他们说我们班的小智最爱搞笑，搞笑大王的王冠应该是他的。但从我的眼光看，我觉得“搞笑”对于小智并不适合，他只是淘气而已。当小石刚调到我后桌时，他遭到了很多白眼。因为他抢小玄的笔袋和口袋。所以，我们一直觉得他很坏，欺负女生。而每次他都用搞笑的语言还击我们。叮铃铃,上课了，同学们都已坐好，但是小石还在说话，后来他看别人不理他才默不作声。那节是心健课，老师讲课比矿泉水还平淡，我心里想：要是心健课像音乐课那样如雪碧一样符合我们的口味就好了。可能是因为太无聊，小石突然打了一个响响的嗝!!!我和小玄都皱着眉不约而同地看他，他却以为我们要夸奖他，于是用那种比小丑还滑稽的调子得意说了一句：“不要迷恋哥，哥只是个传说。”边说还边做了几个夸张的手势。“哦!My god!” 我把手放在额头上长吐一口气，眼睛往上一翻，舌头一伸，倒在椅子上。做了一个“标准”的休克姿态。

PREVIEW: Sushil is so stingy, even a god takes notice.GENRE: Fables, folktales CULTURE: Buddhist, Asian Indian THEME: Stinginess READERS: 11 or more READER AGES: 8 and up LENGTH: 7 minutes ROLES: Narrators 1-4, Sushil, Boy, Nirmala, Sakka, Man, Woman, Rajah, (Servant), (Other Townspeople), (Children)NOTES: This tale comes from the Jataka, an ancient Buddhist collection of folktales, legends, and fables. Sakka, the King of Heaven, is a popular figure found in many of those tales. For best effect, place NARRATORS 1 and 2 at far left (as seen from the audience), and 3 and 4 at far right. To help Sakka imitate Sushil, Sushil should use a distinctive funny voice. Sushil is pronounced “SOO-shil.” Nirmala is pronounced “NEER-ma-la.” Sakka is pronounced “SOK-a,” sounding like “sock a.”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------NARRATOR 1: Sushil was a miser. Though his treasure house was full, he was too stingy to give away even the smallest coin.NARRATOR 4: And since food cost money, he ate almost nothing, and starved his family and servants besides.NARRATOR 2: One morning, as Sushil took his daily walk through town, he saw a boy eating a sweet rice dumpling.BOY: (makes loud sounds of enjoyment as he eats)NARRATOR 3: Sushil’s mouth watered as he made his way home. He said to himself,SUSHIL: If only I could ask my wife to make me a sweet dumpling. But if I wanted one, so would my wife. And if my wife wanted one, so would the children. And if the children wanted one, so would the servants. So I had better just keep quiet.NARRATOR 1: When Sushil arrived home, he said nothing about a dumpling. But he wanted one so badly, he felt weak. His legs shook, and he had to go to bed.NARRATOR 4: His wife, Nirmala, came to him. She asked,NIRMALA: What is wrong, my husband?NARRATOR 2: Sushil lay groaning and clenched his teeth.NIRMALA: Is there something you want?NARRATOR 3: Sushil’s face grew red, then purple. At last he squeaked,SUSHIL: I would like a sweet rice dumpling.

这是我写的两人小剧.是反应基本的卫生习惯的问题.不知你是否喜欢?人物: Alex 和 Bob地点:学生宿舍Flushing the Toilet冲厕所A: Oh my god, what a stinky smell! Who didn't flush the toilet?天啊,这么臭气熏天啊? 谁没冲厕所呀?B: (reading a book silently)(静静地看书)A: Bob, is that you again?Bob, 又是你干的好事?B: what? what about me?什么? 我又怎么了?A: You didn't flush the toilet.你用了厕所没冲!B: I did.我冲了.A: No. you didn't. The stinky smell is unbearable.你没有! 这臭气熏天,简直无法忍受. How could you sit here quietly and read your book as if nothing had happened?你怎么还可以在这静静地看书,好象啥事都没有.?B: I didn't smell anything.我没觉得臭呀.A: I am sure it's you. How could you not smell anything. Go flush the toilet now!那一定是你干的. 怎么可能什么都闻不到? 快去冲厕所!B: I remember I did flush it. (He went to the bathroom to flush the toilet.)我记得我是冲了.(他走进厕所,冲洗马桶)A: Don't you ever do that again. That's barbarian.我警告你以后别再这样啊. 那是非常不文明的行为.B: well, I'll try to remember. ( Bob is eating some cookies now.)嗯,我尽量记住. ( Bob 拿起些饼干在吃)A: Did you wash your hands after you flush the toilet?你冲完厕所有没有洗手呀?B: Do I have to?要洗手吗?A: Oh my god! I think I need to change the room right now..天啊! 我还是换间寝室好了.The end 剧终