英文段子笑话

英语笑话段子集锦

爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，那么你喜欢笑么?这里我收集整理了好些搞笑的英语笑话段子集锦，一起来看看吧!说不定能点中你的笑血哦!

英语笑话段子【1】

An Exact Number 准确数字

A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur(恐龙) bones lying about.

How old are these bones? the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.

Exactly one hundred million and three years old.

How can you be so sure? inquired the tourist.

Well, replied the guide, a geologist(地质学家) came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.

一位游客在新墨西哥游览，他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。

这些化石有多长的'历史?游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人，他是作向导的。

整整十亿零三年了。

你怎么这么肯定?游客问道。

哦，向导回答道，一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。

英语笑话段子【2】

Do You Know My Work 你知道我是干嘛的吗

One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.

Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.

Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.

You don't know my work, said the other.

What is your work?

I'm a policeman.

Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.

I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.

一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。

两个人站在外面，看着大火。

在我出来之前，其中一个说，我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬，所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了，没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。

你不知道我是干什么的，另一个说。

你是干什么的?

我是警察。

噢!第一个人喊了一声，他灵机一动，说：那你知道我是干什么的?不知道。警察说。

我是个作家，我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。

英语笑话段子【3】

The Nice Wedding Gift

We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher.Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.

漂亮的结婚礼物

我们参加了一个熟人的儿子的婚礼。由于我们都不认识那个年轻人和他的新娘，所以我们决定送给他们一个实用的全家礼----一个灭火器。很明显，这对新人大批量制作了他们的感谢信，因为我们收到了一张卡片，上面写着：“非常感谢您的漂亮的结婚礼物，我们期待着不久就用到它。”

英语笑话段子【4】

Excuse for Speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.

"Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.

"Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!"

赶紧到达那里

哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。

“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道。

“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”

One day,a farmer met a foreigner，the farmer was hit the foreigner，he said at once：‘I am sorry！’When the farmer said that，the foreigner said：‘I am sorry，too！’Then the farm -er said：‘I am sorry，three！’

段子经典英语笑话

看一些英语笑话，既能让我们学到不少英语知识，也能让我们开心，一起来看看段子经典英语笑话吧!

If the boys stare at you, they have guts to suckyourteeth!

如果男生盯着你看， 他们就有胆亲你。

这是电视剧Full House里两个姐妹的对话， 这句话有三个地方很棒， 第一个是stare at you, 就是指盯着人家看的意思， have guts 就是说有胆子的.意思， (这是一个巧合， 中文英文说有胆子都是说有勇气的意思!) 而最后一个 suck your teeth 则是指接吻的意思， 很有趣， 但是像这种句子是小孩子说的， 难登大雅之堂。

接吻还有另外一个口语的用法： smooch 例如 I didn't smooch that girl last night。我昨晚没亲那个女孩。

Amidst the mists and coldest frosts, with stoutest wrists and loudest boasts, he thrusts his fist against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.

A tall eastern girl named Short long loved a big Mr. Little. But Little, thinking little of Short, loved a little lass named Long. To belittle Long. Short announced She would marry Little before long. This caused Little shortly to marry Long. To make a long story short, did tall Short love big Little less because Little loved little Long more?

A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing-net.

A snow-white swan swiftly to catch a slowly-swimming snake in a lake.

A writer named Wright was instructing his little son how to write Wright right. He said: "It is not right to write Wright as 'rite'---try to write Wright aright!"

The Old Cat

An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

老猫

一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”