优优来来
搞笑英语笑话大全带汉语
会讲笑话的人都是有好人缘的人，所以我们要多亲近一些笑话大王们。现在我也来当笑话大王啦!我给大家收集整理了搞笑英语笑话大全带汉语，一起来笑笑，收集好人缘吧!
令人满意的婚姻生活
A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."
一个男人告诉他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美满的秘密，“小事都由我妻子决定，”他解释说：“而我只管大事，我们从不互相干涉，从不生对方的气。我们从来没有抱怨、没有争吵。”
"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"
“听起来很有道理，”他的朋友深有同感，“有哪些事情由你妻子作决定呢?”
"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."
“嗯，”那个人回答说：“她决定我申请什么工作，我们住什么房子，买什么家具，去哪里度假这些事情。”
His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
他的朋友很惊奇的问道：“哦?那么你决定哪些重要事情?”
"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."
“嗯，”他回答：“我决定谁来当首相，我们是否要增加对贫困国家的援助，怎么处理原子弹等等这些问题。”
A burglar(窃贼) breaks into a house. He sees a CDplayer that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears avoice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around withhis flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?".He spots some $ on a table and takes it. Once againhe hears a voice "JESUS is watching you".
摩西和耶稣(双语)
一个窃贼潜入一户人家。他看到一个喜欢的CD机,他赶紧拿了。就在这个时候他听到有人说:“耶稣正在看着你。”他照着手电看来看去,嘀咕着:“到底是什么人在说话?”这时,他看到桌子上有些钱,他又拿了。那声音又来了:“耶稣正在看着你。”
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的.就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
on christmas eve santa claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel. just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000nt bill lying on the floor. which one of them do you think picked it up?
answer: santa of course! why? because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?
答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
颂美装饰
汉语式英语笑话
1.
某女领导会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到女士，立刻按照西方的习惯拍马屁道："Miss x， you are very beautiful."
翻译照翻，领导心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把她的话翻成英文："Where? Where?"
外宾一愣，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere。"
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”
领导更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。
翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
2.
一位在美的`留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。
他不放心的问道:turn left?
监考官回答: right. 于是他立刻向右转……
3.
某次英文考试有两道题目，老师让同学们译成英文：
1)我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
2)他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。
正确答案似乎应该是：
1)I put on my coat and find that its top button is gone.
2)He picks up the phone as soon as he hears the phone ring.
但是某生的答案是：
1)Shit!
2)Hello?
