英语搞笑短信

某次英文考试有两道题目：（1）我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。（2）他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。正确答案应为：（1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.（2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.但是某生的答案是：（1）Shit!（2）Hello?2：老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money. 并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道："汤姆是玛丽。"小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?老师说：Go ahead.小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?老师说：Go ahead.小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!3：某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我他妈还是方片七呢！江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下："哪里，哪里"。翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere,everywhere."翻译："你到处都很漂亮。"江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下："不见得，不见得"。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."4：话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特！」轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」5：一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说："SAY 'I LOVE YOU!!'SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!" 男的答道："IT!"6：一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。他不放心的问道:turn left？监考官回答: right. 于是他立刻向右转……7：某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry.老外应道：I am sorry too.某人听后又道：I am sorry three.老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.8：某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男思之久已，毅然下笔："Once a week"。签证官观后暴笑，曰："This item should be filled in with male or female."该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下"female"，官楞之，曰："shouldn't it be male?"男急释曰："I am a normal man, so I.. with female.9：上初一的时候，英语老师让我们读课文，恰好是一段对话，于是叫了一男一女两个同学来读。男：What time is it now?女：It's nine.男：Let's go to bed.女：We go to bed at nine.全班绝倒。

一天，我看见我的同学穿一条裙子配的是超长黑色袜子（一般人都穿低袜）我问：“你穿裙子应该配低袜才对啊！“她说：”我的本来就是穿得低袜，只不过拉长了5公分而已啧“

Let me pass, somehow I also heartless the dime, waste batteries electricity, at the top of the electromagnetic radiation are dangerous, so don't consider the consequences is to give you worship a year! Happy New Year! I with warm, shuan Yang rou warm boiled fish, prawn, white-hot juicy meat, sweet goo old sliver and broad, send to you the bunches of greatness, expressed sincere wish, wish you happy New Year, happy!别说我无情无义，好歹我也传了条一角钱的短信，不惜浪费电池的电力，顶着被电磁波辐射的生命危险，这样不考虑后果就是要给你拜个年！新年好！ 我以涮羊肉的温暖，水煮鱼的热烈，白灼虾的鲜美，咕老肉的甜蜜，拉条子的宽广，发面饼的博大，向你表示真诚的祝福，祝你新的一年，快乐幸福!

Wishing you happiness during the holidays and throughout the New Year.祝节日快乐，新年幸福。A happy New Year to you.恭贺新年。Seasons greetings and sincere wishes for a bright and happy New Year!献上节日的问候与祝福,愿你拥有一个充满生机和欢乐的新年。I give you endless brand-new good wishes. Please accept them as a new remembrance of our lasting friendship.给你我无尽的新的祝福，让它们成为我们永恒友谊的新的纪念。Good luck and great success in the coming New Year.祝来年好运，并取得更大的成就。On the occasion of the New Year, may my wife and I extend to you and yours our warmest greetings, wishing you a happy New Year, your career greater success and your family happiness.在此新年之际，我同夫人向你及你的家人致以节日的问候，并祝你们新年快乐、事业有成、家庭幸福。May everything beautiful and best be condensed into this card. I sincerely wish you happiness, cheerfulness and success.愿一切最美好的祝福都能用这张贺卡表达，真诚地祝你幸福、快乐、成功!Best wishes for the year to come!恭贺新禧!Good luck in the year ahead!祝吉星高照!May you come into a good fortune!恭喜发财!Live long and proper!多福多寿!May many fortunes find their way to you!祝财运亨通!I want to wish you longevity and health!愿你健康长寿!Take good care of yourself in the year ahead.请多保重!Wishing you many future successes.祝你今后获得更大成就。On this special day I send you New Years greetings and hope that some day soon we shall be together.在这特殊的日子，向你致以新年的祝福，希望不久我们能相聚在一起。I would like to wish you a joyous new year and express my hope for your happiness and good future.祝新年快乐，并愿你幸福吉祥，前程似锦。May the New Year bring many good things and rich blessings to you and all those you love!愿新年带给你和你所爱的人许多美好的事物和无尽的祝福!Rich blessings for health and longevity is my special wish for you in the coming year.祝你在新的一年里身体健康，多福多寿。Good luck, good health, hood cheer. I wish you a happy New Year.祝好运、健康、佳肴伴你度过一个快乐新年。With best wishes for a happy New Year!祝新年快乐，并致以良好的祝福。I hope you have a most happy and prosperous New Year.谨祝新年快乐幸福，大吉大利。With the compliments of the season.祝贺佳节。May the seasons joy fill you all the year round.愿节日的愉快伴你一生。Seasons greetings and best wishes for the New Year.祝福您，新年快乐。Please accept my seasons greetings.请接受我节日的祝贺。To wish you joy at this holy season. Wishing every happiness will always be with you.恭祝新年吉祥，幸福和欢乐与你同在。Good health, good luck and much happiness throughout the year.恭祝健康、幸运，新年快乐。May the joy and happiness around you today and always.愿快乐幸福永伴你左右。Please accept my sincere wishes for the New Year. I hope you will continue to enjoy good health.请接受我诚挚的新年祝福，顺祝身体健康。Allow me to congratulate you on the arrival of the New Year and to extend to you all my best wishes for your perfect health and lasting prosperity.恭贺新禧，祝身体健康、事业发达。Best wishes for the holidays and happiness throughout the New Year.恭贺新禧，万事如意。With very best wishes for your happiness in the New Year.致以最良好的祝福，原你新年快乐幸福。Please accept our wishes for you and yours for a happy New Year.请接受我们对你及你全家的美好祝福，祝你们新年快乐。May the coming New Year bring you joy, love and peace.愿新年为你带来快乐，友爱和宁静。

[搞笑短信] 你等着发工资吧If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. If you need money... wait for your salary. 如果你感到孤独，我做你的影子。如果你想哭泣，我做你的肩膀。如果你想要拥抱，我做你的枕头。如果你想要快乐，我做你的微笑。如果你想要钱……等着发工资吧！