毛头猴子
笑话一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一种民间口头创作形式,在民间文化中以口口相传的形式传播。我精心收集了简单英语冷笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!
After a beautiful purebred puppy wandered onto our back porch and made himself at home, my husband composed an ad for the "Lost and found" column of the local newspaper. It read: "A puppy, male, approximately nine months old, no collar, very friendly, found on Rockbridge Road. "
I feared all the detail might encourage an unscrupulous person to claim the dog. As I methodically explained why each clue revealed too much, my husband dutifully crossed out the words. Finally, in frustration, he rewrote the ad, reducing it to a single sentence that I couldn't refute.
It read: "Guess what I found?"
一只漂亮的纯种狗来到我们的后门廊并已此为家了。我丈夫为当地的“失物招领”栏目构思了一则广告。它是这样写的：“小狗，雄性，近九个月年龄，无项圈，很友善，发现于石桥路。”
我害怕这样的细节会给那些昧着良心要狗的人以可乘之机。我有条不紊地解释为什么每个线索都透露得太多，我丈夫就尽职地划去一些词。终于，出于为难，他重新写了广告，把它缩为一个我无法反驳的句子。
它是这样写的：“猜猜我发现了什么?”
Jack: My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me.
John: How is that?
Jack: They enabled me to buy the neighbor's houses at half price.
杰克：我女儿的音乐课对我来说就是一笔财富呀。
约翰：这是怎么回事呢?
杰克：因为音乐课使我们只用半价就买下了邻居的房子。
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger man.
威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
威尔说：“喏，你知道太平洋吗?就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。”
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one whokilled it!"
比尔不屑一顾：“ 噢，那没什么。你知道死海吗?那是我爸爸杀死的。”
In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”
杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。”
夏雨落荷塘
十万个冷笑话英文版
十万个冷笑话英文版一：
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".
十万个冷笑话英文版二：
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅?”
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
十万个冷笑话英文版三：
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀,想问个问题. 司机大叫起来, 车也失去了控制, 几乎撞上一辆公车, 还上了便道, 在还差几厘米就撞上商店橱窗时终于停了下来.
The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
司机说,“伙计,别再这么干了. 你把我吓破胆了!”乘客抱歉地说, “我没想到拍你一下就吓成这样.” 司机说,“对不起,也不全是你的`错. 今天是我第一天开出租. 以前25年里我一直开殡葬车.”
Note:
Daylights: 复数时, daylight可不是“白昼”的意思, 而是“神智, 知觉”的意思.
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