英文幽默故事2分钟

Good BoyLittle Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。”Nest and HairMy sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?" my sister asked."I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child."Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her ."Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "Notes:(1) inform v.告诉(2) nest n.窝；巢(3) description n.描述(4) encourage v.鼓励(5) resemble v. 相似；类似18.鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”I've Just Bitten My Tongue"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother."Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?""Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "Notes:(1) poisonous adj.有毒的(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。我刚咬破自己的舌头“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”A Woman Who FellIt was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"摔倒的女人上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

Life after death 死后重生 "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you. “你相信人能死后重生吗？”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。” Talking clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” 可以参考：

A mother walked into her son's room and said cheerfully, "Up, up. It's time to go to school."The son replied, "I don't want to go to school.""You have to go," the mother said."I hate that school. The kids are mean and rotten.""You still have to go," exclaimed the mother."It's like a jungle. One fight after another. They threathen me at least one hundred times a day!" cried the son. "You have to go to school!""Why must I go?" pleaded the son."Because," replied the mother, "You are the principal!"故事摘要：一个母亲走进她儿子的房间里，高高兴兴的叫她儿子起床去学校。儿子不愿意去学校因为学校里的学生太凶太坏不可救药，总是打架，还威胁他。母亲说一定要去，儿子还是不愿意，母亲说你不去不行因为你是校长。

Flunking MathMy son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student."Mom," he said excitely, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life. I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!""And just what does this mean?" I asked."I'm flunking math," he replied.数学没及格我儿子是印第安那市曼西尔波州立大学的学生，大学一年级就上了系主任的名单。第二年他学心理学，刚几个星期他就给家里打了个电话。“妈妈，”他激动地说：“我找到了如何在大学里生存下去的答案!重要的不是分数，而是具备将学到的知识应用于日常生活的素质。我很幸运地有了这种奇妙的经历。”“你到底是什么意思？”我问道。“我数学没及格。”他回答说。

A BIG E-mail Mistake 一封致命的邮件 An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here.一位伊利若州男子离开 冰天雪地的芝加哥到佛罗 里达州度假.他的妻子正在外地公干,准备到时候在佛州会合.该男子到了佛州,驻进酒店,就急忙给他妻子发电子邮件.但是他将太太的网址打错一个字母,结果这封邮件发到了一位牧师太太手里,她的丈夫前一天刚过世,她为此在伤心欲绝.当她打开这封错发来的邮件时,惨叫一声,两腿一蹬,死了. 邮件是这样写的: 亲爱的, 我刚来报到.正准备迎接你明天的到来. 爱你的夫君 对了,这下面真的好热唉.(Illinois是美国东部一个州.冬天很冷.Florida在美国南部,一年气候都比较热. )

1、I came home from work one day to find my wife,Jolynn,cradling our six-month-old daughter and repeating,"Da-da" How sweet,I though to myself,for her to choose Daddy as our baby's first word.Several weeks later,Jhlynn and I were wakened by a small voice crying,"Da-da".Turning over to go back to sleep,my wife said,"She's calling you,dear"译：一天，我下班回家，发觉我的妻子将我们六个月的女儿轻轻放到摇篮里，而且重复地说着："爸-爸"，呵，多么甜美，我自忖道，她选择教会我们的宝贝的第一个词是："爸-爸"。几个星期后，妻子和我睡得正香，忽然被小小的哭声给唤醒了，"爸-爸"。。。。我翻个身继续睡。。妻子说了："亲爱的，她正在叫你呢"。2Mom and Dad love our life to the selfless devotion of their love, however, we often encounter the cold because we may have misunderstood them or they will continue to love to do an indifferent Yet all I want to say :We cherish the love of the immediate well-being of Mom and Dad!!!!!Mom and Dad here all the good wishes for a happy and healthy life!!!National happy Mid-Autumn Festival!!爸爸妈妈 一生爱我们的人 无私地奉献着自己的爱 然而常常会遭遇到我们的冷漠 因为我们可能会误解了他们 把他们爱看做无所谓 可是一切还是会继续着 我想说： 珍惜眼前的幸福 努力去爱我们的爸爸妈妈吧！！！！！ 在这里祝愿所有的爸爸妈妈身体健康 幸福一生！！！ 国庆中秋佳节快乐！！3Children!When you are very young, I spent a lot of time teaching your time with spoons and chopsticks to eat.Teach you apologize, son shirt, slide down slides, and tell you the clothes, comb the hair hair, pinch the nose.These and the neighborhood you together is how I missed.So, when I recall, not receive, then, please, give me some time, so I am a bit so I think again : :most likely will not even say what I have to be forgotten.Children!You forget the hundreds of practitioners back of the first children to learn songs?I still remember the day when their brains to reply that he does not know from where you come out of nowhere?So, when I repeated again and again talking about the age-old story of my childhood humming the tune of the song, I understand.Let me continue to revel in those memories!Desirous of you, I can also accompany a nice chat!Children, I often forget to factor son expelled.Meals, dirty clothes, comb the hair will be made when the incessant shaking hands, not to press me,for me a little more patience and tenderness, as long as you are together, there will be a lot of warmth well up in my mind. 孩子！当你还很小的时候，我花了很多时间，教你慢慢用汤匙、用筷子吃东西。教你系鞋带、扣扣子、溜滑梯、教你穿衣服、梳头发、拧鼻涕。这些和你在一起的点点滴滴，是多么的令我怀念不已。所以，当我想不起来，接不上话时，请给我一点时间，等我一下，让我再想一想……极可能最后连要说什么，我也一并忘记。孩子！你忘记我们练习了好几百回，才学会的第一首娃娃歌吗？是否还记得每天总要我绞尽脑汁，去回答不知道你从哪里冒出来的吗？所以，当我重复又重复说着老掉牙的故事，哼着我孩提时代的儿歌时，体谅我。让我继续沉醉在这些回忆中吧！切望你，也能陪着我闲话家常吧！孩子，现在我常忘了扣扣子、系鞋带。吃饭时，会弄脏衣服，梳头发时手还会不停的抖，不要催促我，要对我多一点耐心和温柔，只要有你在一起，就会有很多的温暖涌上心头。 Life after death 死后重生 "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you. “你相信人能死后重生吗？”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。” Talking clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” 希望对你有帮助