英语笑话200词

It depends——One day a doctor went to a store and bought a pair of shoes. Before he left the shoes counter, he asked the salesgirl: " How long will this pair of shoes last?""It depends. If you don t use it, the shoes will never wear out. Several days later the salesgirl fell ill and went to a hospital. And the happened to be the customer she served. After the girl got the prescription from the doctor, she asked: "How soon will I get better with the medicine?"It depends. " The doctor answered, "If you don t use it, you will never get better.

周一早上……正在冲泡着浓郁的咖啡，一个有趣的对话发生了…… Daddy？How did I come into this world？ 「爹地，我是怎么来到这世界的？」 Well，my child，someday Ill have to tell you anyway。 「哦，儿子啊，总有一天我会让你知道的。」 So why not today？Please！ 「拜托！为什么今天不行？」 OK，but listen carefully。 「好吧，你仔细听着！」 Mom and Dad met each other in a cybercafe。 「你妈和我在网吧相遇而认识。 In the restroom sof that cybercafe，dad connected to mom。 并在网吧的洗手间你妈和我使用了超级链接。 Mom at that time made some downloads from dads memorystick。 那时你妈从我的随身插硬盘下载一些数据。 When dad finished up loading wed is covered we used no firewall。 当我完成上传时，我们发现我们没有使用防火墙。 Since it was too late to cancel or delete。 因此，想要取消或删除都已为时太晚。 nine months later we ended up with a virus。 就这样，九个月以后我们最终生出一个病毒。]

《律师、宝马和胳膊》一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”AlawyeropenedthedoorofhisBMW,whensuddenlyacarcamealongandhitthedoor,rippingitoffcompletely.Whenthepolicearrivedatthescene,thelawyerwascomplainingbitterlyaboutthedamagetohispreciousBMW."Officer,lookwhatthey'vedonetomyBeeeemer!!!",hewhined."Youlawyersaresomaterialistic,youmakemesick!!!"retortedtheofficer,"You'resoworriedaboutyourstupidBMW,thatyoudidn'tevennoticethatyourleftarmwasrippedoff!!!"《狗住旅店》一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单，餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。Amanwrotealettertoasmallhotelheplannedtovisitonhisvacation:"Iwouldverymuchliketobringmydogwithme.Heiswell-groomedandverywellbehaved.Wouldyoubewillingtopermitmetokeephiminmyroomwithmeatnight?"Animmediatereplycamefromthehotelowner,whosaid,"I'vebeenoperatingthishotelformanyyears.Inallthattime,I'veneverhadadogstealtowels,bedclothes,silverwareorpicturesoffthewalls.I'veneverhadtoevictadoginthemiddleofthenightforbeingdrunkanddisorderly.AndI'veneverhadadogrunoutonahotelbill.Yes,indeed,yourdogiswelcomeatmyhotel.And,ifyourdogwillvouchforyou,you'rewelcometostayhere,too."Asmallchildwasgivingabathtoatinyanddirtykitteninthegar-den.whileanojdladypassingby.一个小男孩在花园里给一只身上很脏的小花猫洗澡，正在这时，一个上了年纪的女士从旁边经过。A:Sonny.youshouldn'tbatheakittyincoldwaLer.Hewillgetsickanddie.小家伙，你不应该在凉水中给小猫洗澡，他会生病,甚至会死。(Thechildgoonwithhisjob.barelyliateningtoher.TwohouraWer,thelacjywasretumiWgwhenahesawtheboysittinSonthegroundandcring.withthedeadkittenlyingbeaidehim.可是，小男孩继续给小猫洗澡，几乎对那位女士置之不理。两小时以后，那位女士返回时看见那个小男孩坐在地上哭泣，小猫躺在他的身旁，死了。）B:Didn'tItellyou.sonny.thatthekittywoulddieifyouwa.shedhiminthecoldwater?小家伙，我不是告诉休了吗？如果在凉水中给小猫洗澡，他会死的。A:ButAuntie.hedidn'tdiebecauseIwaahedhim;hediedwhenIwaswrinpnghimdry.可是，阿姨，他不是因为我给它洗澡死的，当我把他拧于时，他就死了。望采纳！

I am the Driver The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard. "It's too crowded," they shouted. "What do you think you are?" "I'm the driver," he said. 我是司机 一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。 “太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？” “我是司机。”他回答说。I'll See to the RestA guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage."Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!""Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back."You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."其余的事由我负责一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”Sleeping PillsBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.""That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"安眠药鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”