橘子哈哈111
One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?""You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".情人节前一天，一个女人做了个项链的梦。当她醒来，她和她丈夫说：“我刚梦到你情人节给了我一根珍珠项链。你说那是什么含义呢？”。“到情人节那天你就会知道了。”他笑着说。情人节那天，男人给了他老婆一个礼盒。她很兴奋地打开，看到的却是一本书，书名是《梦的解析》。
西风华诞
笑话,顾名思义,是一种通过幽默的文字或图示来达到令人会心一笑或捧腹大笑效果的文学形式。我精心收集了最简短的英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
嫩的稀奇!
Like most colleges，the food at St. Mary's College of Maryland scores low marks for both quality and variety.One exception is our annual steak-and-shrimp
night;but even this cari t escape the critics.
像很多大学一样，玛丽兰的圣·玛丽学院的伙食无论从花样上，还是从质量上评分都作低。咋一的例外是我们每年的牛排大虾之夜。但，即使是这天的食品，也很难逃脱评论
家的评论。我听到一个学生说:“这块牛排应烧得再嫩一点儿。”
"This steak could be a little more rare ," I overheard a fellow student say.
她的同伴说:“小声点儿，一年一次就够稀奇的了。(注:英语中，嫩和稀奇都是rare。)
"Pipe down,"whispered her companion. "Once a year is rare enough !”
经验
The manager of a fast-food franchise was approached by a teenager looking for a job. "Have you had any experience with fast food?"the manager asked.
一位少年来封一家快餐馆找工作，经理问他:“你有在快餐店工作的经脸吗7"
The young man paused for a moment.“Well，“he replied，”I've eaten a lot of it.”
年轻人想了想说:“这么说吧，我吃过很多次快餐。”
买书，但不用!
" This is the book recommended this quarter,”announced my political science professor on the first day of class. "However，we won't use it much, because my primary purpose is to teach you to think.”
“这段时间，我推荐你们用这本书。”政治经济学教授在我们的第一堂课上说。“可是，我们这本书用得不多。因为，我的主要目的是想教你们怎样思维。”
Angered that my hard-earned money had been wasted,I raised my hand，”You mean I just spent$22. 50 on a book I won't need?"
听到这儿我感到很气愤。难道我辛苦挣来的钱就这么浪费掉了吗?于是，我举手问:“您是说，我刚花了22. 5美元买了本我们不用的书?”
" Good，"replied the professor with a smile."Your re starting to think already."
“很好!"教授笑着说:“你已经开始思考了。”
那谁家小二
冷笑话不同于一般的笑话，以其独特的制笑机制，能瞬间制造出一种特殊氛围。我精心收集了英语短笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
Little boy: Daddy, I want to get married.
小男孩：爸爸，我想结婚。
Father jokingly said: Oh! Who did you have in mind?
爸爸打趣地问道：噢!谁是你心中合适的人选?
Little boy: Grandma.
小男孩：奶奶。
Father: Wait a minute, you did not think I'd let you marry my mother, did you?
爸爸：等一下，你认为我会让你娶我的妈妈?
Little boy: Why not? You married mine.
小男孩：为什么不?你娶了我的妈妈。
As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time.
作为一个小学的乐队指挥，为了确保学生投入足够的时间练习，我要求他们上交由他们父母签字的练习单。
I had to laugh, however, when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, "Practiced 17 minutes, but it seemed like hours.
可是有一次，一位家长的签字把我逗乐了。练习单上写着：“练习了17分钟，但犹如几个时辰。”
A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. his friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - the dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.
一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到卖报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。
"how much did you give him?" asked the owner.
一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到卖报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。
"five dollars.
“五元。”
"well, that explains it. when you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie.
"这就是了。你给它五元钱时，它就去看电影。
Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.
一个人得了重病，妻子伴随他去看医生。检查过后，医生示意病人的妻子到走廊见他。
"Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.“
你丈夫病得很重，”医生说，“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一，一日三餐，要营养美味。第二，给他一个轻松的环境，不要抱怨。第三，每天都对他倾注炽热的爱。”
On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"
在驱车回家的路上，丈夫问道：“医生说了什么?”
"I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it.“
很遗憾，“你活不成了。”
blueberry317
英文笑话简短
英文笑话简短一：
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask Why do we have to learn this stuff?To save lives. The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. So how does physics save lives? he persisted. It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school, replied the professor.
英文笑话简短二：
Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at therecitation(背诵，朗诵) , and the doctor, somewhat nettled(刺激，惹恼) , said: Landon, you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject. You seem to lack ambition. Why, at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world.Yes, said Landon, he couldn't help it, for you will recall the fact, doctor, that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher.
英文笑话简短三：
Winston Churchill was Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War II. He was a fat and short man. George Bernard Shaw was a famous writer. He was
tall and lean(瘦的) . Both of them were humorists.When they met at a reception, Churchill said to Shaw with a smile, Mr. Shaw, when people see you, they must think there is afamine(饥荒) in our country. Yes, said Bernard Shaw, but they must think you are responsible for it.
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